Today, I was finally hooking up with a girl I was after for a long time. Things got really hot and heavy but she stopped and looked at me weird. She said, "I can't do it, you're really wet. It looks like chicken fat." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, I was going to hook up with a new girl. She told me not to shower or wear deodorant when I came over, which I thought was a little odd but went along with. As we were getting warmed up, she started licking my sweaty armpit and moaning loudly. This is probably too weird to tolerate. FML
Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML
Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML
Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML
Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had paid the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Ilovelife07 0
umm, isnt this two girls everyone?
ohmandapants 17
precum isn't generally "white and stringy"...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (116)
reggie77 0
u should said it was baby oil!!!
tman9497 0
Wait what"The hell"
timk_fml 2
prob not precum but fat man's sweat -- who cares, just tell her it's lube.
indb93 0
Ew.
frickity 0
What a terrible person. And being turned off because you're "too wet"? that's like a straight girl being turned off because the guy she's getting dirty with is "too hard" or "too long" haahha. Seems impossible. But hey, I'm not a lesbian, maybe that's disgusting to them. Just doesn't seem like it'd be that way. Especially if you two were getting frisky. And I bet her's looked like chicken fat too. It's ******, they only come so beautiful.
TapialPaado 1
^ This. I hadn't thought of it before, but it really does look like hot chicken fat! (Chicken fat doesn't go yellowish until it cools down; when it's hot it's clear, and has a similar consistency). On the one hand, FYL... on the other hand, if she's familiar enough with chicken fat to have that thought, she's probably a pretty good cook!
deathartisan 0
omfg. I haven't laughed so hard in a while. thank you op and commenters. anyway. fyl op. poor chicken fat
flame1819 0
Notice how his name is humiliated
Xerofight 0
so chicken fat looking penis is bad? looks like i'll never get laid :( FML... as for OP YDI for not posting your sex.
Betz 10
did you tell her it was finger lickin' good?
MoooMooMooMooMoo 0
If you were that wet that she was turned off it, and im assuming you would have to be VERY wet then it could actually be an std. You should get that looked at.