Today, I was with my friend and her entire family at a restaurant.... - FML

By princess4242 - 26/2/2010 09:10 - India

Today, I was with my friend and her entire family at a restaurant. While we were eating, her brother who is really cute asked what "brown sauce" is. I said thats probably 'penis' sauce. I'd meant to say 'peanut sauce' but the damage was done. The entire family just stared. FML

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Creepy

Billy no-mates

Gas giant

By greattt - 10/2/2009 21:15 - United States

Today, I went to get my school picture taken, when the photographer looked at me, saying, "You look like you need a mirror." FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2015 04:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML

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By annie - 14/10/2018 12:00

Today, my mother-in-law visited. She saw my 5-year-old son rip open a chip bag, causing chips go everywhere. She got up in his face and started screaming at him about how he has an "attitude problem". He doesn't, he's autistic and genuinely has trouble with food packaging. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2016 21:02 - United States - Pasadena

Today, my mom called me for dinner by saying, "We're going to eat Steph! I mean we're going to eat COMMA Steph! We're not going to eat you! Ha ha!" She thinks this joke is hilarious and has been doing it to both my dad and me every night since early June. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2011 04:41 - United States

Today, during our wedding, my wife tried to dodge The Kiss. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2017 16:00 - United States - Rochester

Today, as I listened to the guy I've been seeing pour his heart out to me, all I could think about was how much I needed to poop. FML

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By aianmoo16 - 1/5/2016 21:52 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was at a mini arcade and accidentally put a hundred dollar bill through the quarter machine. FML

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By Noname - 14/2/2012 23:14 - Canada

Today, my two best friends decided to boycott Valentine's Day, ditching their boyfriends to hang out together. Not only am I single, but I wasn't invited. FML

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By genderless - 17/10/2016 19:34 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, the person I was seeing asked to be just friends. A few hours later, they tried to talk me into having sex. FML

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By -__- - 27/12/2013 21:49 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I discovered the real reason my husband was distraught last week and has been acting moodily ever since. An attractive girl he was secretly having sex chats with online confessed to him that "she" was actually a guy. FML

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By caiti - 6/8/2009 01:25 - United States

Today, I had a job interview and things were going really well until I noticed the woman interviewing me staring at the inside of my elbow. I am recovering from a poison sumac rash, and each spot looks like a puncture wound from a syringe. I was dismissed before the interview was over. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2014 15:42 - United States - Springfield

Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He told me one of my lights was busted, and I couldn't help but point out that one of his was out too. He said, "Thanks, I'll get that fixed right away." then gave me a ticket. FML

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By heatproblems - 19/12/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, I can't get my heat to turn off. It is currently 87 degrees Fahrenheit in my house, and my heat is running non-stop. It's about 20 degrees outside with over a foot of snow on the ground, so a repairman can't come out to fix it. My electricity bill will be about $1000. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2017 08:00 - Australia - Moonee Ponds

Today, my 3-year-old missed the toilet. In the time it took me to get paper towel to clean it up, my one-year-old decided it was the perfect puddle to play in. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2015 03:20 - United States - Auburn

Today, I fell in the shower and the doors jammed shut. I was stuck in there for hours, waiting for my parents to come home. They had to open the door for me while I was still naked inside. FML

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By ewwgross - 20/5/2011 23:29 - United States

Today, at my hairdressing job, my first client of the day came in for a cut. Her hair smelled awful, and when I asked her why, she informed me that she'd gotten trashed with some friends the night before, and one of them had puked in her hair. She came to me to get it cleaned out. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2010 14:21 - United States

Today, I realized that the "pimples" on my back weren't pimples at all. Because I was unable to see how bad they were for the last week, I never caught on to the fact the they were, in fact, ticks. FML

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By LoveLost - 9/7/2016 02:57

Today, my husband finally broke our two-month dry spell. I don't know what's more depressing: the fact that it had been two months or that he's horrible at sex. FML

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By mandosfriend - 23/10/2016 17:15 - United States - Pomona

Today, I got yelled at by a man for not opening my store 10-15 minutes before the scheduled opening time, which made his 84-year-old wife shit her pants waiting to get in. It didn't matter when I explained I had no way to know she needed to use the restroom. FML

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By hesitator - 1/7/2017 18:00 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Sex vs. housework

Today, I got excited over a canceled booty call, just so I wouldn't have to clean the apartment. FML

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By rmb131 - 20/3/2009 04:33 - Canada

Today, I went to the dentist. He asked me to lean my head closer to him so he could get a better look at my teeth. He was hard. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/10/2014 17:06 - United States

Today, my dad vehemently refused to let me go on vacation to France with my best friend, because he watched Taken a few months ago and apparently forgot that it's just a movie. FML

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By LiLGeek - 12/1/2009 15:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking for our bubblegum flavored "numbing" lotion to have some morning fun. We couldnt find it anywhere. After about 10 minutes, my little nephew comes from my room crying and drool coming out of his mouth. He smelt like bubblegum, his mouth and tongue were all numb. FML

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By Numou - 8/12/2008 07:26 - France

Today, I pointed out to my girlfriend that she wasn't jealous. She replied, "Well actually, I am, I just can't prove it cause no one else is interested in you". FML

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By brebis - 18/11/2008 10:37 - France

Today, when I threw away my cigarette out of the car window, the wind blew it back in again. My trousers got completely burnt. FML

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By hatty - 23/9/2011 13:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I had my car valeted at my hotel. The manager came out, took my keys, and said the car would be waiting for me in an hour. I was then forced to watch from the lobby as the "manager" sped off downtown. FML

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By spacemanspiff78 - 31/10/2011 15:07

Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML

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By OUCH. - 17/11/2011 21:27 - United States

Today, I got my braces off. I also got my tongue pierced. Both by my orthodontist. FML

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By AnonymousUser - 5/5/2012 00:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, feeling desperate, I asked my dad for advice on how to get a girl. He asked me why I want to even date. I panicked and said I just wanted to make someone happy. He told me that if I wanted to make someone happy, I should "just start by getting a goddamn vasectomy". FML

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By ===== - 14/1/2014 17:59 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, the sewage pipe busted on the side of our house, spew fecal matter and the condoms I recently flushed. My parents now refuse to talk to me, and won't let my girlfriend anywhere near the house. FML

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By Tuture - 30/4/2016 01:08 - France - Paris

Today, a learner driver was practicing maneuvers in the parking lot at work. This happens a lot, and my colleagues and I usually have fun watching and laughing. It was all fun and games as usual, until the learner crashed into my car. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2013 16:52 - United States

Today, a drunk driver drove his car through my mailbox. He got pissed, started yelling, and threatened to sue me for "putting the mailbox in the middle of the road". If my front lawn is a road, I'm going to have some serious issues. FML

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By thecatlady - 27/2/2013 07:12 - Australia - Kambalda

Today, I realised the extent of my wife's cat obsession when I received an $850 bill for the air conditioner she leaves on for our 5 cats while we are at work. FML

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By yankeebelle - 6/3/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, a co-worker superior to me called me "Stephanie" yet again. My name is Ashley. I politely informed her that my name is Ashley and subtely pointed to my work ID. Later, I get called into my supervisor's office. I got written up for correcting someone of higher status that I. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2010 09:45 - Canada

Today, I had to cancel my wedding because my fiancé is so hungover from his bachelor party, he's throwing up all over the place, can't stand up straight and is calling me by the stripper's name he met yesterday night. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2016 12:11 - United States - Richmond

Today, a girl introduced herself to me with the line, "Hi, I'm Anna. I have a boyfriend." FML

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By Ellwood - 22/4/2013 00:27 - United States

Today, my mother met my sister's boyfriend for the first time. As we talked about it later over dinner she said she didn't like him. When I asked why, she paused for a second and said, "Well, he really reminds me of you." FML

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By WTF - 16/3/2011 22:05

Today, after my 22 year old son realized that there was no more contact solution, he decided to use tequila because he thought it would "kill the germs." We had to go to the hospital to have his eyes flushed out. I raised this moron. FML

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By vw - 20/2/2012 05:05 - United States

Today, I was talking to my grandpa while he was gardening outside. Suddenly I feel this hard, salty thing fly into my mouth and I spit it out. It turned out to be a beetle. My grandpa takes one look at the beetle and says, "Well, at least that poor bug finally got you to shut up." FML

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By f*ck - 2/5/2012 16:22 - United States

Today, I had a date with the girl I've been interested in for months. I'm pretty laid-back and casual with my friends, which backfired and caused the date to end with a slap, when I greeted her with a friendly "S'up, slut?" FML

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Top comments

By PsychoMerk | 0

#894158 - Friday 26 February 2010 16:12

lol :')
"the damage was done!"

By boopityboppity | 11

#894269 - Friday 26 February 2010 16:45

Well, now we know what you were really thinking about. Gotta love those Freudian Slips.

COMMENTS

By Ragna_fml | 0

#894117 - Friday 26 February 2010 16:08

Reminds me of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCS_4bizDUw

There is much peaness going around here.

Reply

Averizzle | 0

#894224 - Friday 26 February 2010 16:31

What is peaness? Sounds appetizing.

Reply

DavidCooksAngel | 0

#894409 - Friday 26 February 2010 17:40

That family is lame.
;-/ I would have laugh my ass off.

Reply

gabirolon | 1

#894564 - Friday 26 February 2010 18:49

I agree!!! I was laughing for 20 mins just now

Reply

whoadangitssam | 0

#894627 - Friday 26 February 2010 19:39

this was in seventeen magazine several months ago. this is fake.

Reply

samantha_durano | 6

#894895 - Friday 26 February 2010 21:13

hahahh, woww.

Reply

sdawg27 | 0

#894970 - Friday 26 February 2010 21:40

haha that sucks, FYI brown sauce is generally espanol sauce one of the five basic mother sauces made pimairaly out of brown roux and beef stock.

Reply

Secret_Fire_King | 0

#895090 - Friday 26 February 2010 22:30

I'm gunna say.. YDI.. because you were thinking about his meat sword when you said it..
Men are not objects.. You should stop being such a pervert..

(I'm just kidding.. but if OP was a guy perving on a girl, I could only imagine what everyone would be saying..)

Reply

inurockx | 0

#895754 - Saturday 27 February 2010 1:41

this is from seventeen magazinee EPIC FAIL

Reply

asianwolf | 2

#896292 - Saturday 27 February 2010 5:22

hey don't discriminate dyslexics are teople poo

Reply

TehToaster | 0

#1070227 - Wednesday 7 July 2010 6:40

62-
YOU fail because you actually READ 17.

Reply

ExcitingJosh | 5

#3089534 - Friday 12 August 2011 2:00

#62 Maybe she sent it into seventeen magazine

By Back_In_Action | 18

#894122 - Friday 26 February 2010 16:09

Hahaha, nice Freudian slip. XDDDDDD

Reply

allen20 | 0

#894235 - Friday 26 February 2010 16:34

Hahahah you shouldve said nigger sauce!! But if they were black then itbwouldve worked out beter(;

Reply

SeasonedSausage | 0

#895826 - Saturday 27 February 2010 1:59

Nice psychology knowledge there.

By pepsie_fml | 0

#894144 - Friday 26 February 2010 16:11

ugh um eww no one will want it now

Reply

eriksen19 | 1

#5450538 - Tuesday 16 April 2013 0:58

Or the mom in the family wants it, if you know what I mean...

By PsychoMerk | 0

#894158 - Friday 26 February 2010 16:12

lol :')
"the damage was done!"

By creepermagnet | 0

#894161 - Friday 26 February 2010 16:13

Haha well more for you now =]

By Bruticus | 0

#894175 - Friday 26 February 2010 16:16

Anyone else realize this is fake? It is a joke. I knew I heard it before.

By thecbake4 | 0

#894210 - Friday 26 February 2010 16:25

I will never eat peanut sauce again...

Reply

Gumblebum100 | 0

#894992 - Friday 26 February 2010 21:49

agreed

Reply

drayloon | 50

#6054835 - Tuesday 2 September 2014 18:53

I thought the white sauce was the penis sauce...

By Rustbin | 0

#894239 - Friday 26 February 2010 16:36

That's not where you're supposed to put it!

By boopityboppity | 11

#894269 - Friday 26 February 2010 16:45

Well, now we know what you were really thinking about. Gotta love those Freudian Slips.

By Carly9999 | 0

#894290 - Friday 26 February 2010 16:49

You stole this from Seventeen's Traumaramas. Don't you have anything better to do?

Reply

crazylady654 | 0

#894341 - Friday 26 February 2010 17:07

totally did. FRAUD. Go pleasure yourself or something.