Today, I was finally hooking up with a girl I was after for a long time. Things got really hot and heavy but she stopped and looked at me weird. She said, "I can't do it, you're really wet. It looks like chicken fat." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, I was going to hook up with a new girl. She told me not to shower or wear deodorant when I came over, which I thought was a little odd but went along with. As we were getting warmed up, she started licking my sweaty armpit and moaning loudly. This is probably too weird to tolerate. FML
Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML
Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML
Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML
Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had paid the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML
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Top comments
Ilovelife07 0
umm, isnt this two girls everyone?
ohmandapants 17
precum isn't generally "white and stringy"...
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Comments (116)
ghostwitch1863 0
what looks like chicken fat??? scary.
deevosee 0
a penis looks like chicken fat?
mrguy266 0
@ghostwitch ...hmmmm, well when two people love each other, well they don't have to leave each other, actually they could hate each other.......dammit just google it :p
Rosalie_Haostn 0
hahaha you sound likea nervous parent trying to tell a kid how sex works. win lmao
NotMeh 0
I agree
scvcwcheer 0
poor kid if that happened... they'd probably end up looking at **** and be scarred for life...
TattedDownJah 2
but doesn't everybody love chicken fat
mrguy266 0
...the two people in this story are both girls..a penis can't look like chicken fat, that would be really bad if it did..
Ft9princess 0
I think she was or he was talking about precum or something.
spazz666 18
Why can't a penis look like chicken fat? Ever seen a fatty chicken leg? Slimy, wrinkly skin.
Hellionz 0
a pus that looks like chicken fat means that shut is sick so stay far da *** away! good call OP go Chek yaself out.
trizzieb 0
a puss that looks like someone hit a boar in the side with an axe is better.
spazz666 18
You're a moron. Please, infect the Internet elsewhere. Or maybe just learn some proper grammar and inferencing skills. OP is a guy.
korn247 5
yeah @ #9 it has to be two chicks.... f their lives
Wooddaver 0
eew, it looks like a sad old man
Wooddaver 0
also I bet she's not a lez if she doesn't like how labias look
TandJHire 0
That was funny yet disturbing thanks for the laugh but YDI your shit shouldn't look like that.
afrotasticchica 0
ROFLCOPTER