Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML
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70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, I was using a disabled toilet. I'm disabled partly because of spinal problems. While I was doing my business, the whole toilet fell to the floor, leaving me sitting in a puddle of my own urine and smashed porcelain, with even more spinal problems. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I have such poor joints that I dislocated my hip trying to twist to wipe my own ass. FML
Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML
Today, I stayed home from work because I'd had diarrhea for 24 hours and my gut felt horrible. I decided to at least enjoy some sun on my back porch in my swing chair. I stepped on an old board and my leg fell through to the knee, I couldn't move, and I was home alone. My neighbor cut the board that got me out. FML
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Top comments
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Do you wipe your ass with your feet then? I usually use my hands, so I don't see why I'd need to bend my legs, but FYL anyway.
marleyvk 0
I don't see how you couldn't wipe your behind without bending your knee... I'm pretty sure if you just stand up and spread your legs you could do it.
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Comments (161)
cyanidesandwich 21
well it looks lile it is time for you to go shopping for a bidet
ctlnaaia71 8
Soooo you wipe your ass with your foot??? that's the only way you can't wipe it because of your knee. Next time try to wipe it with your hand. Oh, and don't forget to use some toilet paper.
she9909 0
tmi
OregonJeff 3
Uh, most FMLs are TMI. That's kinda the point.
mgp1982 0
that's some funny shit lol
zasiel 3
unless you are overweight there shouldn't be a problem with wiping. and people can sit on a toilet without bending one knee, it involves walker, handrail, or good balance.
PancakesEqualLov 0
none of which I have by the way...
wytang 3
I don't need to bend my knees to wiper arse?
Daederoth 10
Get in the shower to wipe that shit off, literally.
mikho23 0
how do you wipe yourself... seriously?
bibbypower 0
man im getting knee surgery on Monday. hopefully I can wipe! ;)
Barbourino 0
Get your dad to wipe it for you.