Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML
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Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, I was using a disabled toilet. I'm disabled partly because of spinal problems. While I was doing my business, the whole toilet fell to the floor, leaving me sitting in a puddle of my own urine and smashed porcelain, with even more spinal problems. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I have such poor joints that I dislocated my hip trying to twist to wipe my own ass. FML
Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML
Today, I stayed home from work because I'd had diarrhea for 24 hours and my gut felt horrible. I decided to at least enjoy some sun on my back porch in my swing chair. I stepped on an old board and my leg fell through to the knee, I couldn't move, and I was home alone. My neighbor cut the board that got me out. FML
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Top comments
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Do you wipe your ass with your feet then? I usually use my hands, so I don't see why I'd need to bend my legs, but FYL anyway.
marleyvk 0
I don't see how you couldn't wipe your behind without bending your knee... I'm pretty sure if you just stand up and spread your legs you could do it.
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Comments (161)
nicolelio 0
well, that sucks butt.
indigo1 0
you sound like a dvt and pe waiting to happen. nobody is bedridden after knee surgery. physio gets patients out of bed as early as 8hours post op. get a life.
cin11 0
haha
amarie2009 22
I've broken my leg once, and I was capable of wiping my own ass just by standing. How fat are you, that you can't wipe your own ass standing up?
inthemillions 0
How are you sitting down to poo then??
Batman9264 0
You have 2 legs, don't you? Stand on the other one.
cwren9 2
that sucks! I know the feeling though I was in a knew immobilizer for two months and it was hard to use the bathroom because I had to hold my leg out straight! good luck with ur knee op!
cwren9 2
all you people saying ydi are stupid attempt going to the bathroom while holding your leg completely straight the whole time. it's hard to do when youre not in pain and much more difficult when you are!
jmcbride 0
u at least took a shower right?
tayj2011 0
why do you need to bend your knee to wipe your butt?