Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, I was using a disabled toilet. I'm disabled partly because of spinal problems. While I was doing my business, the whole toilet fell to the floor, leaving me sitting in a puddle of my own urine and smashed porcelain, with even more spinal problems. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I have such poor joints that I dislocated my hip trying to twist to wipe my own ass. FML
Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML
Today, I stayed home from work because I'd had diarrhea for 24 hours and my gut felt horrible. I decided to at least enjoy some sun on my back porch in my swing chair. I stepped on an old board and my leg fell through to the knee, I couldn't move, and I was home alone. My neighbor cut the board that got me out. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Do you wipe your ass with your feet then? I usually use my hands, so I don't see why I'd need to bend my legs, but FYL anyway.
marleyvk 0
I don't see how you couldn't wipe your behind without bending your knee... I'm pretty sure if you just stand up and spread your legs you could do it.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (161)
Tammie123 0
That makes so sense
stfumtfu 0
The op is ******* retarded!!! I know I can wipe my ass without bending my knee, OR, I can wipe it as, wait for the brilliance, SIT ON THE ******* TOILET
kat376 0
this is not true. because just last week I had my 2nd knee surgery so I have a lovely brace//cast preventing me from bending my leg at all. yet I can wipe myself. you just have to stand. so suck it up and stop lying.
DaveOnDope 4
Have carpal tunnel surgery on both wrists at the same time. You'll find out who your real friends are.
snowangelle 0
i totally know how u feel i had both knees worked on... i was just lucky enough to have someone help do wat i couldnt on my own
kportal69 5
angle yourself and lean forward. really?? now was thatdo hard?? it took a comment on fml to help you with that?? or hey suck up your pride and ask someone. old people have to. why not start early.
jhillmoney 0
who wipes anymore these days..get wit the program.
dansco 25
I bend my knee everytime I wipe my arse so I know your pain... Actually no I don't! Your arm is still the same length and how did you use the toilet without bending your leg?
winkly95 0
I do believe you can while your ass with out bending your knees.
flloyd1er 0
I feel for you! My fiancé went thru the exact same thing, but luckily for him I was there to wipe his ass. Yep, got that on my resume now.