Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML
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Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, I was using a disabled toilet. I'm disabled partly because of spinal problems. While I was doing my business, the whole toilet fell to the floor, leaving me sitting in a puddle of my own urine and smashed porcelain, with even more spinal problems. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I have such poor joints that I dislocated my hip trying to twist to wipe my own ass. FML
Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML
Today, I stayed home from work because I'd had diarrhea for 24 hours and my gut felt horrible. I decided to at least enjoy some sun on my back porch in my swing chair. I stepped on an old board and my leg fell through to the knee, I couldn't move, and I was home alone. My neighbor cut the board that got me out. FML
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Top comments
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Do you wipe your ass with your feet then? I usually use my hands, so I don't see why I'd need to bend my legs, but FYL anyway.
marleyvk 0
I don't see how you couldn't wipe your behind without bending your knee... I'm pretty sure if you just stand up and spread your legs you could do it.
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Comments (161)
skyeyez9 25
OP, It can be done. Although it is awkward trying to sit on a toulet while you're half drugged out on percocet, your entire leg is in a brace. I had ACL reconstruction on my left knee feb 2010. Just remember it doesn't last forever
bandgeek1575 5
i had ACL replacement surgery 6 days ago and i can wipe my own butt.
FeistyKitten 3
I don't see how your KNEE not bending effects your HAND. Fake!
EmElle88 9
I've also had knee surgery and a leg brace several times. You don't realise how handy your knees are in the whole peeing process til stuff like that happens! You need to support most of your weight on the non-injured knee, and possibly use the other hand. To people that say you have to bend your knees to sit - you can do it with a straight leg, or two straight legs. It's just more effort and requires more upper body strength when getting up.
J_rockk10 3
If you cant bend your knee, howd you sit down to shit?
chuckvargas 0
Nurse!
JanisEvans 10
That makes no sense. Anatomically and physiologically.
BugsBunny1 4
If you can't spare two seconds of your life, why are you on FML in the first place?
LilaBear 2
What does bending your knee have to do with wiping your butt? If you were able to sit on the toilet in the first place, I don't see why you need to bend your knee any further to wipe your backside. Otherwise, get a footstool or something in front of the toilet for you to put your bad leg on?
the_undead 11
Since when do you need to bend your knees to wipe your ass? and seeing as how you have to sit on the toilet wouldn't your knees have to bend for that ? yeah