Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, I was using a disabled toilet. I'm disabled partly because of spinal problems. While I was doing my business, the whole toilet fell to the floor, leaving me sitting in a puddle of my own urine and smashed porcelain, with even more spinal problems. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I have such poor joints that I dislocated my hip trying to twist to wipe my own ass. FML
Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML
Today, I stayed home from work because I'd had diarrhea for 24 hours and my gut felt horrible. I decided to at least enjoy some sun on my back porch in my swing chair. I stepped on an old board and my leg fell through to the knee, I couldn't move, and I was home alone. My neighbor cut the board that got me out. FML
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Top comments
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Do you wipe your ass with your feet then? I usually use my hands, so I don't see why I'd need to bend my legs, but FYL anyway.
marleyvk 0
I don't see how you couldn't wipe your behind without bending your knee... I'm pretty sure if you just stand up and spread your legs you could do it.
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Comments (161)
charli_lake 0
ewwwww! take a shower lol not a bath cuz that would be bad too lol I feel bad or you
clashatdemonhead 3
get your woman to do it, if you have one. that's her job.
heyred 11
I could see you not being able to wipe properly with an elbow, shoulder or wrist injury. Knee? You're just lazy.
blt710 0
I laughed really hard ;) fyl
Bend_over 4
OP: That's a lie. I recently had knee surgery and I was able to wipe my butt.
lilmissprissNkc 0
Why wouldn't u b able to sit on a toilet? U can sit on a chair with one leg straight can't u? Some ppl are so oblivious...
guestxxx 0
Most bathrooms have a lot less room in front of the toilet than when you're sitting in most chairs. I wouldn't be able to keep my legs straight in the bathrooms at my house.
heysup28 0
true
irish_love 0
yeah, know exactly how this feels! I had knee surgery too and I had to pee really bad, and I didn't want to wake anyone up because it was late so they could help me to the bathroom. I ended up grabbing a Gatorade bottle and peeing in it, which was a feat for me because I am a girl. but because I had not peed in so long it overflowed!! bwahaha pee was everywhere!! oh the memories :)
kaengle 5
that's gross and sucks lol
Teergas 0
sucks to be you. FYL
pinkybear7 0
so is everyone on here telling op that they don't bend they're knees when they sit on a toilet? think about it, idiots. and almost everyone on here has a hand they do everything with, so shut up and **** off.
Sinkhole 26
They are not saying that they don't bend their knees to sit, they're saying that they don't bend them to wipe themselves. A little reading comprehension goes a long way.
LilaBear 2
The OP was saying they can't wipe their butt, not that they can't sit on the toilet. If they were complaining about having troubles sitting on the toilet, I'd understand. But it sounds like they've got that bit covered, it's the butt-wiping that's the problem - and wtf does bending your knee have to do with wiping your butt?!