Today, I got an unexpected freebie for breakfast: I took my coffee and a plate of food up to my room. By the time I got there, some fairy had topped the food with a generous serving of animal hair. Gee, thanks. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went through the local coffee shop drive-thru and got a canned energy drink. I didn't notice the extra topping until I was miles down the road. Someone had thoughtfully topped the can with whipped cream and curly hairs. FML
Today, I finally had enough reward points for a free coffee. As the barista handed it to me, the lid popped off and the entire drink landed on the floor before I even took one sip. FML
Today, I set my cup of coffee down on the stall floor to take care of my business. A hand reached under the stall door and took my coffee. I yelled to give it back, calling them obscene names. Moments later, my fresh coffee came flying over the door. I'm burned from my head to my legs. FML
Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML
Today, I was eating a bowl of cereal and noticed something float to the top. On closer inspection, it turned out to be a mouse turd. I had already eaten half the bowl. FML
Today, I made a cup of coffee for a lovely old lady on the dementia ward. She asked for quite a lot of sugar in her drink, but I didn't question it. The moment I gave her the coffee, she threw it all over me. While scalding my skin, it also stuck to me. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend with breakfast in bed. Instead, I spilled hot coffee all over her and the bed. We ended up spending the morning doing laundry instead of cuddling. FML
Today, I woke up to find that my cat had barfed all over my laptop's keyboard and screen, filling each nook and cranny of the stuff. As if that wasn't bad enough, when I went to make coffee to deal with the stress, I found that I was out of coffee. FML
Today, one of the human-shaped piles of shit my restaurant serves found a hair in her food. Normally, these fuckwits piss and moan and demand free food, but this sack of filth turned out to be such a drama queen that she puked all over the table and cried so hard she needed an ambulance. FML
Today, I was late for work and got chewed out by my boss. To console myself I decided to drink a cup of coffee and a cup of tea. My work provides this for free. When I did, my boss told me that in fact it wasn't, nor has it ever been, free; all this time I've been stealing other people's coffee. FML
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Top comments
BMXDude22 12
I chuckled. Thanks!
bleachedraven 14
well isnt that ******* yummy? 🤣 ugh
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Comments (3)
rotflqtms_ 21
I guess next time you'll cover your food when bringing it around. IDK, I could never walk in public places with my food uncovered, especially now in the pandemic. I may be being super careful, but I haven't gotten covid yet AND I'm exposed to it almost daily.
mando 10
can I ask what your username stands for? I assumed initials.. but after rotf I cant figure it out
bleachedraven 14
well isnt that ******* yummy? 🤣 ugh