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By Anonymous - / Saturday 25 February 2012 03:07 / United States
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By  OGReaper  |  2

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By  Lazybum99  |  8

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  u002764  |  3

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  akayc32  |  0

52, not everyone is the same, but as a general observation, once a week is normal in most happy marriages-regardless of relationship duration.

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Well no I don't have the longest marriage to be giving advice but I've been with my husband for 3 years, and I've seen enough failing marriages to see what causes them to end. I'm completely happy in my relationship and I make sacrifices for my husband and he does the same for me. Marriage is about working for each other as well as yourself to have the best relationship you can. It doesn't matter if you've been together a year or 20 years if you don't make sacrifices for your spouse your relationship won't last.

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I hate Dr. Phil, I'm not saying any of this to sound like a therapist. I'm speaking from personal experience, and quite frankly I don't need an 18 year old to tell me that my marriage is wrong.

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Not trying to bash you, but being on an iPod is no excuse for multiple spelling errors. I'm on an iPod too and one or two mistakes is common, but I've seen you comment before and sometimes it's flat out ridiculous. There's auto-correct, proof reading, etc. Again, not trying to bash you, but don't blame your iPod for YOUR mistakes.

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  emilyjgraham  |  34

actually, relationships to work on sacrifices, if you're not 'in the mood' let him/her work for it, part of the fun. that's the whole point of knowing how to turn someone on! I'll be really tired one day but my boyfriend can even so much as kiss me a certain way and I'll get in the mood, even if it's a bit of a slow process! I'm not married but from what I've heard (parents, grandparents etc.) marriage doesn't change a relationship as much as it used to. these days both go out to work, both (should) make an effort to help round the house. there's two people in a relationship!! also, sexual activity is proven, as one said, to reduce and get rid of a headache so girls, that's NO excuse!

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  DjeePee  |  24

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  tygerarmy  |  35

Djeepee what hot pink said is now way comparable to rape. She suggested to concenting to have sex with someone she loves when she was not 100% in the mood. Being in a relationship is about compromise. I'll do things I don't want to do for my girl and for friends. It's not just sex. But the OP denied their partner for months and now when they randomly get in the mood their partner has to put out. Suggesting once a week or once every other week is something they could work out in their relationship. Because at least at this point in my life I could not be in a serious relationship and only being intimate once a month or more.

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  cmyk  |  19

The more you have sex, the more you want sex! Same as the other way around. Little sex breeds even less sex. Not married, but in long time relationship, and it works! Well.. For us anyways..

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  hurtandabused  |  7

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  ImaginaryFoe  |  0

I've been with my husband for over a decade and I agree perfectly with hotpinklipstick and tyger. Any relationship involves compromise. If for months you were not in the mood for sex and you never tried to get yourself in that mood, there is a problem. Hotpink didn't suggest rape. If you don't feel 100% like sex, try kissing and holding. Open yourself up to possibilities and who knows? You might get into the mood. Silentbunny, you sound young. When two adults are sharing a life, it isn't always going to be spontaneous I-just-can't-keep-my-hands-off-you sex. What marriage lacks in spontaneity is often made up for in passion. We have to arrange in advance for someone to mind the kids but since when does anticipation dampen excitement?

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  twisted_cherub  |  14

It's not rape, but it also can make someone feel terrible to think they're obligated to have sex. My ex never raped me, but I felt that way every time we had sex. In fact, it felt worse because he was supposed to be safe, someone I could be myself around, not someone I had to put on an act for. There's a difference between making small sacrifices and making yourself into an object to be used by your partner. Marriage isn't about sacrifice, it's about compromise; finding a solution that makes both people happy, not one. OP, if you go months without having any desire to be intimate (and there isn't any emotional reason for distance in your marriage) you may want to consult your OBGYN. Many times a simple diet change can have drastic effects on libido.

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  DjeePee  |  24

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The op only deserves it if she never put forth the effort to get inthe mood. As a woman I understand how hard it can be to get frisky when you really dont feel like it but I ALWAYS make an effort. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt but at least I tried.

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123- Rape is when someone forces themselves on you without you being able to say no, what I'm suggesting is nowhere near that. I'm saying OP should make an effort even if she isn't in the mood. Sometimes I'm not in the mood but with a little effort from my husband I get in the mood and we make love, sometimes it doesn't work so well but in the end I'm happy that my husband is pleased. Other times he isn't in the mood but I am, so I make an effort to turn him on and make it pleasurable for him. Afterwards we both are pleased and it keeps passion alive. After every time my husband and I are intimate we make a point to hold each other even if it is just for 5 minutes. When we do that I feel so much closer to him. Yes I've only been married a year but my husband and I have a strong marriage because we choose to make sacrifices and work on our relationship above all else.

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  Lindzer  |  0

I have to agree with hotpink. Been with my guy for 10 years. Sometimes it just takes a little "warming up" before the juices start to flow (that works both ways). The more sex you have the more sex you'll want. And it's absolutely NOT rape to willingly have sex with your partner...

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  simonsaysYDI  |  8

ROFL you don't see the difference??? 1. WILLINGLY having sex even though you're not really in the mood 2. FORCED into having sexual contact against your will. Don't insult victims with your crappy comparisons.

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  jizzwold  |  21

Sigh. The fail is strong in this thread. Even the legitimate advice that is thought out and given with nothing but good intentions gets spit on like they were trying to sabotage other people's relationships or something. Can't we all just get along and agree that op is a shitty wife?

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  DjeePee  |  24

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DjeePee I normally agree with you but in this situation I don't think you are understanding what I, and the people that agree with me, are saying. If you aren't married then you shouldn't be telling me I'm wrong. I'm not saying force yourself to have sex with a partner, I'm saying make an effort to make love to the person you have chosen to spend your life with. There is a difference.

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  lexanianna  |  11

Actually I'm a rape victim and when I've had sex while not in the mood I felt utterly horrible and disgusted by myself. For me I felt almost the same as after the rape except that I blamed myself for putting myself in that situation and not my boyfriend. Of course I am influenced by what happened but I can't imagine ever having sex while not in the mood again. And there is a similarity. But I do make an effort to get in the mood when he is :)

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  DjeePee  |  24

"If you aren't married then you shouldn't be telling me I'm wrong." And here you are definitely wrong. So, because I'm not married, I can't have an opinion about sex and relationships? Eventhough I am longer in a relationship with my boyfriend than you with your husband? Roflol.

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259- I am a rape victim as well so I do know what I am talking about and I'm not just talking out of my ass. DjeePee I am tired of arguing with you, you literally have no argument here. Yes you have an opinion and I appreciate you sticking to your guns but I disagree with you. So we can agree to disagree. I commented on this out of kindness to give honest advice, not to ruin someones relationship. I don't appreciate you turning my words around and making it seem like I condone rape. There is a difference from rape and willing sex with your husband. If you feel bad about yourself after willingly having sex with someone that you have been with for a long time then you should rethink your relationship with said person. That being said I'm done with this, y'all are seriously just arguing to argue and it is childish.

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  hayat5496  |  5

Rape is not having sex when you don't want it. Rape is being forced to have sex. There is a very big difference with that. You can be saying, I don't feel like having sex but I'll do it anyway. When someone is being raped, they dont have a choice, they being forced to do it.

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  asl_for_life  |  6

I disagree. I had sex with this one hit because I felt obligated. he " gave me a choice" and I chose to have sex with him when in no way did I want to. but I felt I had to to make him happy. during and after I just felt so low and shitty. it felt like rape. because He knew I was only doing it for him and that I didn't want to. they are similar...

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You are really obnoxious. Like really really really obnoxious. You're saying all this weed crap to drag out this conversation. And I'm clearly not the only person that thinks his because ALL of your comments were almost at negative one hundred, I had to click on them just to see what the were, that's should be telling you something, like people are tired of reading your rude annoying comments. P.S. I'm on an iPhone so I have the exact same keypad as you an I don't believe I have a single mistake.

By  lilypad7275  |  0

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  juicystar777  |  4

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  downtime  |  12

136, If someone were to speak in olde english today you'd expect people to think they're a dumbass, and I'm sure Shakespeare would have no trouble grasping that.

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  xStaciexLynnx  |  15

I'm pretty sure William Shakespeare never walked around with his pants to his knees, put on a baseball cap backwards, acted like a player and claimed he had 'swag'.

By  OGReaper  |  2

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  Mitcha857  |  0

It obviously seems like she's used that excuse more than once if it's the first time in "months" she's felt frisky. I'm glad OP's husband gave her a taste of her own medicine.

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  fymother  |  13

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  ImaginaryFoe  |  0

#138, it's true that you should never feel forced to have sex ideally but if you are married and rejecting your spouse for months, you need to examine the situation and communicate the issue. I think the husband is bitter and hurt. I hardly think his behaviour is classifiable as emotional abuse. OP should apologise for not working things out sooner and seduce the man. OP, try to be more receptive in the future. Sex isn't a chore, it's an affirmation of intimacy and a great stress reliever.

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138, did you* read* the FML? (warning to everyone else besides 138, this is long, don't waste your time, you've been warned xD) Yes it's passive aggressive, but it's being used constructively to illustrate a point. the husband is not using his frustration to harm anyone or cause any permanent damage. Also, the husband deserves the same choice as his wife; you can't justifiably go off on the husband for withholding sex while you said "you NEVER have to have sex" in the wife's defense. (continued)

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I will agree with you that there have obviously been some sort of issue with the relationship since they have (apparently) not been intimate in a while, but how can you call the husband "spiteful" for refusing sex ONCE while the wife gets away with it for months AND gets to put it up on FML to get sympathy, casting her husband as the antagonist? Is that not just as spiteful? Anyway, worst case scenario for her, she can do the deed on her own, like i will assume her husband has been forced to for a while. You may have a bad past with some similar situations, but that does not give you the right to unfairly set a double standard to someone. *gets off soapbox*

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  feranmi101  |  0

Shut up that is so stupid what happened to your mom and op are 2 different things I hate when as soon as I dude wants to get angry at you it's abuse answer this if a guy were to go out late and not call then when they have a date the wife tries to give him a taste of his own medicine isn't that the same thing? But I bet you'd be like that's what you get . Speaking as a woman just cuz he asked for sex and she said no isn't a crime but really when you're married you can talk to each other not everything is the big A word

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  jewfish27  |  4

Dont you love how the husband used "i have a headache" once and the wife put it on FML but she has used it an unknown amount of times and not one FML about it has been seen

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  fymother  |  13

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  ImaginaryFoe  |  0

I disagree. It's not about the sex drive; it's about the communication. If you have a medical issue preventing sex or causing lack of libido, your partner should know and be dealing with it, too. Keep intimate in other ways while working through it together. Making lame excuses to send your partner away is selfish and disrespectful. If it was a man who made excuses for his impotence and expected instant gratification when he finally got it up, the response would be the same: you made your bed now go lie in it alone.

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  PlaySpades  |  21

But at the same time that's a legitimate excuse whereas the "I have a headache" thing that women use is a huge insult because it's both a lie and they're not even giving their partner the chance to put them in the mood. In order to know if he couldn't get it up they would've had to have been trying to initiate to find out he couldn't do it whereas she's not even bothered to let him try.

By  thisiscat  |  14

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  downtime  |  12

It can't be too bad since the woman didn't turn down a chance to bitch about something. Don't you love lame gender stereotypes? Me too. You know what I'd love more? A sandwich. Get on that.

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  thisiscat  |  14

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  thisiscat  |  14

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  Troy_K  |  7

187 - You just made yourself not only look like an idiot, but a complete prick as well. Sure, marriages are typically categorized with sex. But it doesn't mean that the woman is "obligated" to it. You make it sound like slavery. The way I see it, the marriage is an obligation to keeping each other happy and keeping the marriage healthy. If people are happy and the marriage is healthy, it usually will lead to sex. It's just a plus. Just saying.

By  Jiplo  |  18

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  Shrike  |  22

Your comment is, yeah man. Jumping to thoughts of gayness just cause a guy doesn't mindlessly get on all fours over the promise of sex.... now THAT'S showing some repressed homo-sexuality.

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Or, a man that came down ill with something, or a man whos self concious, or a man who drank alot of kool-aid and is coming down from a sugar rush when she asks, OR shes just ugly

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  emilyjgraham  |  34

I don't think they were actual headaches, let's be honest, quite worrying if she has a lot in a short space of time! also, if you think of the positive outcome (your headache is gone or even just reduced, you might orgasm, he might orgasm) that'll get you started! works with me!

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  l0v3p4in  |  7

If you have a headache when you initiate sex, after some time the blood throbbing in your brain will reroute and go down south. Problem solved.

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  emilyjgraham  |  34

I've actually told my boyfriend I've got a headache before now to sneakily let him know I want sex. I'm not saying everyones partner will get that hint (also not saying they're stupid). I'll say it if there's someone in the house and we want to do something, he'll suggest we 'go upstairs to lie down and sleep it off' cut he's just playing along!

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