Miscellaneous: Today, I was eating cereal while absentmindedly reading the box....

By jerdub93 - United States

Today, I was eating cereal while absentmindedly reading the box. I was amused when I found it expires on my birthday. Then I realized it expired on my birthday two years ago. FML

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Miscellaneous

BO Central

Mother of the year

Noise

By imscrewed - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going out tonight to celebrate his ex-but-still-friends-girlfriend's birthday at a local club and hopes I wasn't offended that I wasn't invited. I sure am offended; we have the same birthday. FML

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By ohsnap - Australia

Today, I took my car through the car wash. I got bored, so turned the radio on, forgetting that the aerial/antenna on the car is automatic. My car aerial is now bent at a 90 degree angle and about to fall off. The radio is half white noise, half stuff that may or may not be free jazz jam sessions. FML

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By AnnoyedWoman - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I went camping with my husband not too far from our house. We got our tent pitched up, stove ready and roll-out bed out. He then said, "I'm just gonna go for a walk." It had been about an hour before I decided to go find him. He had walked home to play CoD. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML

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By cat_loser

Today, I agreed to catsit for a friend. Her cat rode back to my house sitting on my shoulder in the car. As soon as I opened the door, he jumped out and ran off into the woods. It's been 2 1/2 hours and not even food will entice him back to me. FML

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By sleepingbeauty - United States - Jackson

Today, I got in a fight with my boyfriend. I sent him a long message pouring my heart out about how hurt I am that he constantly ignores me or responds to almost everything I say in monosyllables. He texted back "ok". FML

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By Justkillme

Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've been seeing. He confessed that he gave me chlamydia. FML

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By ItRainedOutside - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, after 3 years with my dream girl, I decided to pop the question by making her complete a scavenger hunt ending in her finding me, suit and everything, by the park bench where we had our first kiss. She came home tired and, instead of following the clues, decided to watch TV all day. FML

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By Paulie89

Bullshit quack chiropractor on the loose!

Today, I told my family how my wrist has been hurting for almost a week. My aunt’s chiropractor boyfriend then decided he could help by suddenly pulling my hand as hard as he could. Not only did my wrist pop and cause me more pain, but my shoulder got dislocated. FML

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By PlaneGuy - Reunion - Saint-denis

Today, I was on a plane and a cute girl was getting ready to sit down beside me, but upon making eye contact, she asked to switch seats. FML

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By hockusa3 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I was driving to the DMV to take a test, after getting some points removed from my license. On the way there, I got a speeding ticket and got my license suspended completely. FML

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By regiftee - United States

Today, my watch broke so I casually mentioned to my dad that I needed a new one. A little while later he hands me this really nice watch. He says, "Here, this one's been lying around for a while". It was the watch I gave him for Father's Day. FML

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By Pr unlucky - Australia

Today, I married the woman I love. I wasn't the groom, I was the minister. FML

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By Conor Moreau - 18/8/2020 23:02

Parental approval

Today, I left my favorite hoodie in the kitchen. Not 5 seconds after I left the kitchen to go to my room, I overheard my dad say, "Any chance we can just throw that out before he notices?" FML

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By hater

Today, I was proposed to in a McDonald's. FML

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By Forever alone - 21/12/2020 17:02 - United States - Hesperia

Sorry…

Today, I was falling in love with the nostalgia of having handwritten love letters and flowers left on my windshield. Turns out my "secret admirer" was just a mean prank conjured up by my coworkers. They laughed. I cried, hard. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2021 00:56 - United States - Schertz

Hey y'all!

Today, a friend was over at my house. My dad walks over and talks to me; I respond. He then goes back in his room. My friend then says, "Don’t get self-conscious, but when you talk to your dad, your southern accent gets REALLY strong." Guess who's now self-conscious. FML

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By Ringless - United States

Today, my fiancée and I were selecting our wedding cake. The wedding is now off since I refused to buy her the "dream" wedding cake she wanted because it was chocolate. She called me childish and cheap. I'm highly allergic to chocolate. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/1/2021 01:59 - Jamaica - Kingston

Thanks for being so compassionate

Today, and for the past year, I've been struggling with depression because of family life. I've been talking to my mom for the past weeks, telling her things that happen when she isn't home as a way to build trust. I finally told her I have depression and have had had it for a long time. She laughed. FML

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By gottacatchemall - United States

Today, I tried to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we both chickened out and played Pokémon instead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating right after I maxed out my credit card buying him everything on his Christmas list. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2021 07:49

Scammers scamming

Today, I got a call from my bank, saying that the cheque I deposited in my account bounced and my account is now -$2900. The cheque was from a work-at-home company, who asked me to deposit the cheque, then send them some of the money through Cash App to buy office supplies. They won’t answer their e-mails. FML

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By AbandonedHouseWife - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I woke up and found a little note where my husband should have been. It said, "We've had some good times, hun, but it's time for me to move on." We've been married for 15 years, and have 3 children. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was walking in the mall and passed one of the hair product booths (with the people who constanly harrass you as you walk by). In front of half of the mall the woman working there told me that she had several products that I could use to touch up my roots. I'm a natural red head. FML

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By Anonymous - Europe

Today, after my boyfriend and I had gotten frisky last night, I found a note on the front door of my building that read, "Dear girl in apartment 3D, from now on please close the blinds all the way or lose 30 pounds. Either would be acceptable." FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2020 05:02

Gotta start somewhere

Today, I found out my parents paid my "best friend" to be my friend for the past 7 years. She's my only friend too. FML

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By baffled - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I had to slowly explain to my best friend that when babies are born, the umbilical cord is attached to the baby's belly-button, not the mother's. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I threw up when I woke up, feeling quite ill, I told my mum. She instantly thought I was pregnant. I'm still a virgin and she doesn't believe me. FML

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By Damnlife123 - United States

Today, I was playing and laughing with my new baby boy. He was giggling, and it was adorable. Out of nowhere I say "you're my favorite!". Now I'm sitting here talking to my two other children about how what I said earlier I didn't mean personally. They never want to talk to me again. FML

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By yuckspider - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 18:58 - United States - Maryville

Masterchef 2020

Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML

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By JustADream - United States

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom and took a massive piss. Then I actually woke up, well and truly soaked. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I wore flip-flops to work. Just as I walked onto the elevator, they made a sound very close to that of a fart. About 10 seconds later, some asshole let out a silent but deadly fart, earning me a bunch of disgusted looks. FML

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By Muscle - Canada

Today, I flew home early from a two month trip to Europe to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. When I got to his house with a home baked cake from scratch and a quilt with slik-screened pictures from my trip, his roommate answered the door and said "Oh sorry, he's out with his girlfriend." FML

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By thanks.

Today, my girlfriend of over a year woke me up at 4:30 in the morning by sticking her hand down my pants. She immediately stopped when I was awake enough to reciprocate and said, "I couldn't sleep. I was bored. Talk to me." FML

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By not getting any anymore - United States

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

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By i.ask.you.how. - United States

Today, a friend of mine told me that he knew I was into kinky sex, "like getting tied up." I just stared at him, spluttering simple question words and wondering how on earth he could possibly know that about me. I then realized that he had been joking. Too late. FML

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By nosleep - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend read online that oversleeping has been linked to strokes later in life. He's now taken it upon himself to protect me by making sure that I have as minimal sleep as possible. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I found out that the crazy old man that sleep walks naked around my neighborhood every night is my grandpa. And he's not sleepwalking. FML

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By SadFace - Australia - Newmarket

Today, my two closest friends declared that they hated each other. They're my bridesmaids. The wedding is in three weeks. FML

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Top comments

By every1luvsboners | 11

#3605849 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:23

Hey, wait, my Rice Krispies are moving.

By sunsetsbetween56 | 3

#3605813 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:19

Must have been good for you to keep eating it..

COMMENTS

By pinecone1414 | 6

#3605811 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:18

Wow... Bad store managemant

Xr70r7 | 4

#3605861 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:24

Ahhh two year old cereal! That's the best stuff:)

kevsnev | 7

#3605885 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:25

FYL, but happy birthday :D

PopsicleLicker | 0

#3605897 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:27

vintage cereal. Yum!

FYLDeep | 25

#3605989 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:38

Unless they went to an antique shop, I'm pretty sure the cereal didn't spend it's time aging at a store. It's more likely that it sat around in the OP's house for 3 years.

MyPetNinja | 14

#3606029 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:43

Sometimes it can. Me and my mom got three year old sour cream from coborns, and we actually ate some before realizing it.

raphanne_fml | 33

#3606077 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:50

#31 Could you tell us where exactly do you grocery shop, so that we can avoid this place?

ohsheet | 8

#3606111 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:56

Well it obvisously didn't taste expired if you didn't realize that when you took the first bite...

Damn_Hippster | 11

#3606319 - Saturday 19 November 2011 17:38

As long as it was lucky charms then it's still ok to eat.

MyPetNinja | 14

#3606661 - Saturday 19 November 2011 19:37

35- Coborns... They're retarded, they even put there Monster in the dog food section.

murdersquirrel | 15

#3607124 - Saturday 19 November 2011 23:16

OP didn't say it's his birthday, at all...just that the cereal expired on his birthday two years ago.

icanhazblivions | 1

#3607969 - Sunday 20 November 2011 3:02

exactly.

goaliemkl123 | 8

#3608588 - Sunday 20 November 2011 6:14

Doesn't it taste....a little off??

dirtbiker267 | 0

#3612366 - Monday 21 November 2011 1:30

Actually I don't think it would taste that bad probaly just stale and the milk would help that

That0therguy | 4

#3613715 - Monday 21 November 2011 7:36

Or bad house management.

By sunsetsbetween56 | 3

#3605813 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:19

Must have been good for you to keep eating it..

hemz_fml | 13

#3606096 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:54

Lmao I hope you feel better but once you said it expired two years ago I bursted put laughing...memories...not very pleasant with expired food :(

raphanne_fml | 33

#3606129 - Saturday 19 November 2011 17:00

Oh! A thread jacker going number 2!

kirsty1551 | 3

#3606201 - Saturday 19 November 2011 17:17

who says she kept eating it?

medotcom | 0

#3606526 - Saturday 19 November 2011 18:56

So is this person 2 years old?

SillyFart | 7

#3608505 - Sunday 20 November 2011 5:48

That's what she said

bitchslapped22 | 14

#3615063 - Monday 21 November 2011 15:50

He never mentioned that he kept eating it

By yeezheng | 6

#3605814 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:19

Hey time to take some laxatives! U don't want those things in your stomach for long . For all u know there maybe maggots. Better play safe than sorry.

IndiRae | 9

#3605858 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:24

Yes. You ate some chewy Fruitloops, now go puke/shit your guts out for a few hours.

murdersquirrel | 15

#3605905 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:28

I would hope OP would've noticed maggots.

Jaxx66 | 21

#3605965 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:35

I think OP would see maggots. They are hard to miss.

toelie | 25

#3606396 - Saturday 19 November 2011 18:08

Some extra protein never hurt anyone.

fadingfaith | 4

#3606442 - Saturday 19 November 2011 18:22

That happened to me once, but the cereal wasn't expired. I was eating some Cheerios and I didn't notice the maggots until I ate two spoonfuls. It was gross.