Today, I was eating cereal while absentmindedly reading the box....

By jerdub93 - 19/11/2011 08:40 - United States

Today, I was eating cereal while absentmindedly reading the box. I was amused when I found it expires on my birthday. Then I realized it expired on my birthday two years ago. FML

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Miscellaneous

Dangling modifier

Thanks, I'm cured!

Fashion Police

By CatLady - 9/6/2011 07:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to give his cat medicine. Unfortunately, it reacted in a way it never had before: clawed his arms to bits, bit him so hard a tooth fell out, peed everywhere, including on me, and pooped on the carpet. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2017 01:30

Today, my boss left early, so I decided to take an extended break and run home. I found my wife in bed with my boss. I got fired for leaving work. FML

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By pygmalion - 26/9/2009 10:39 - United Kingdom

Today, after the most stressful two weeks of my life, I finally found a few minutes to sit down with a relaxing cup of tea. I went to take a sip, sneezed, smashed the mug into my nose, and dumped scalding hot tea all over my face and cleavage. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2015 23:22 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, while walking to my flat, I spotted something white hanging over the handle bar of my parked bike. It was a very used diaper. FML

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By Cantseethroughdoors - 14/11/2017 05:00

Today, everyone was signing a birthday card to surprise a coworker. I was told to go find someone who hadn't signed it so I went to the office next to mine, opened the door, and told them about the card. The intended recipient was sitting behind the door. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2020 23:04

The end of the road

Today, after my parents treating love like a war, always trying to score some sort of victory over each other, while me and my wife never argued a day in our lives, I’m the one staring down the barrel of divorce, while my parents have been happily married for over 50 years. I just don’t understand. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2011 19:14 - United States

Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML

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By 4am blues - 13/7/2015 04:39 - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4am; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML

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By mountains - 19/11/2012 00:47 - United States - Pembroke

Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML

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By NeedHeadPhone - 30/11/2009 16:51 - Canada

I love that for you

Today, I overhead my mother's request to be spanked harder by my dad. FML

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By dBLIZZARD - 9/6/2015 18:39 - United States

Today, my dog ran away. I looked for him for 5 hours, and when I came back home, he was waiting for me at the door. FML

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By loserman - 29/4/2014 22:40 - United States - Frisco

Today, while at my brother's funeral, my girlfriend decided to tell me she's been sleeping with him. FML

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By regretter - 1/3/2011 01:07

Today, I paid €100 to have a tube shoved down my genitals. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2010 19:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over a year looked at me and said, "Sometimes I just want to hit you." FML

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By NoBabies - 9/11/2014 04:06 - United States - Tucson

Today, the last of my close friends announced she is pregnant. Meanwhile, I'm single and my nest is empty. Well, not exactly, because even my freaking cat is pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2013 21:06 - Canada - Windsor

Today, the guy I like shoved me out of the way so he could talk to another girl. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2020 20:02

Horsing around

Today, my horse, who has been nothing but gentle for 27 years, kicked me right in the knee on my last vacation day. It's so bad, I can hardly sleep or sit down on the toilet. Tomorrow I go back to work, which involves lots of walking, sitting down and getting back up, as well as lifting heavy stuff. FML

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By storksleuth - 4/10/2011 08:57 - United States

Today, I saw a girl wearing a Nirvana shirt. Since Nirvana has been my favorite band for a long time, I tried striking up a conversation with her. Turns out she doesn't even listen to them, and only bought the shirt because she "liked the smiley face." FML

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By shadowsonicstar - 14/1/2011 01:17 - United States

Today, I had to do 40 squats with a medicine ball. I always made fun of medicine balls my whole life because they looked so easy that even senior citizens did them. I passed out in the middle of the gym. FML

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By I get the hint - 18/9/2013 06:19

Today, I found a pamphlet for alcohol counseling on my front door today. I think it was from the guys who pick up my recycling. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 08:40 - France

Today, one of my husband's old college buddies came over for dinner. We reminisced about our college days, and he laughed as he told the story about my husband making up a friend, Marc Deveau, that he'd say he was visiting when he was cheating on his girlfriend. My husband still sees Marc Deveau. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2014 18:34 - United Kingdom - Rugby

Today, I had my third date with a lovely guy. After I got home, I figured I'd try to see if I could find his Facebook profile. I did. His pictures were nice; lovely wedding photos for sure, and his newborn baby is adorable. FML

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By fionna_fiamma - 12/12/2015 13:33 - Slovenia - Maribor

Today, my boyfriend came to my house for the first time. Today was also the day my body decided to throw up violently for four hours while he awkwardly sat beside me, waiting for his ride home. FML

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By Hypocrisy - 28/9/2011 22:16 - United States

Today, I was called a pervert. On a phone sex line. FML

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By Brittany - 28/3/2012 02:38 - United States - Kerrville

Today, I failed my driving test. I rammed into the parallel parking poles, ran a stop sign, and stopped at a cross intersection. My instructor called me an idiot. FML

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By Oldhouse - 22/7/2014 03:46 - United States - Hacienda Heights

Today, I discovered that the odd creaking noise I hear when I walk down the stairs is actually a crack that had been getting larger over the years. I found out when I fell through and plummeted to the stairs below. FML

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By Cob - 3/2/2009 13:03 - United States

Today, I tried helping an old lady with her groceries. When I asked if she needed help she smiled. When I took one of her bags she yelled. I didn't know she was deaf. FML

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By ehwat - 26/11/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that since I lost my job I can't afford a Christmas present for him, or anyone. He said trying anal would be fine. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/6/2012 20:01

Today, I used a red-eye removal tool on one of my photos. I quickly realised how bad my acne is when the software couldn't distinguish between my eyes and cheeks. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 23:51 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming "I meant it!" FML

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By anonymous - 8/9/2015 12:35 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got a date after being alone for the past 2 years. The girl who my friends set me up with began asking my monthly income, my current occupation, and asked if I have a credit card account. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, at the job I've had for eight years, I finally got the raise I was supposed to get a year ago. One hour later I found out the store was closing and we were all out of a job in two weeks. FML

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By xxlexi_lovexx - 29/3/2010 04:20 - United States

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend. His best friend called and said he just beat God Of War 3 and that my boyfriend could borrow it. He got up, got dressed, ran to his car and told me I could walk home. FML

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By pink_cupcakes - 15/8/2009 10:22 - Australia

Today, I went to the movies alone after the boy I was seeing told me he was busy studying for exams. I found him making out with another girl whilst in the queue. When I confronted him by text he denied that it was him. I saw him check the text and reply. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2014 20:19 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML

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By Lane - 18/11/2018 14:00

Today, I made a frustrating discovery about my new bunny. He can’t stand the fan in my small studio apartment, and thumps angrily and refuses to sleep if it's on. I can’t sleep with it off. FML

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By missprude666 - 19/1/2012 08:32 - Australia

Today, I had to sit through 10 minutes of hearing a man on the tram tell his friend in explicit detail about all the filthy sex acts he'd like to do to me. His friend told him to take a photo to jack off to later. When I tried to tell the tram driver, he told me to "take it as a compliment." FML

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By Mr. Sniffles - 23/3/2015 15:43 - United States - Hamilton

Today, my teacher took my test along with another student's and gave us both a zero. Why? Because we both have colds so when we breathe through our nose it makes a sniffle noise. She thought we were using a secret code to communicate by sniffling. FML

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By cartrouble - 2/10/2009 05:51 - United States

Today, I picked my car up from the shop. After 5 minutes I noticed the oil and check engine light on. I pulled over, then the engine shut off completely. Turns out they forgot to put oil back in my car. I'll be needing a new engine. FML

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By Notasinner - 24/5/2012 22:39 - United Kingdom - London

Today, a drunk man wearing a sandwich-board proclaiming that, "The end is nigh" threw some so-called holy water at me while bellowing, "It's what Jesus would've wanted" and that I should "repent for being an evil shite." FML

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Top comments

By every1luvsboners | 11

#3605849 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:23

Hey, wait, my Rice Krispies are moving.

By sunsetsbetween56 | 3

#3605813 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:19

Must have been good for you to keep eating it..

COMMENTS

By pinecone1414 | 6

#3605811 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:18

Wow... Bad store managemant

Xr70r7 | 4

#3605861 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:24

Ahhh two year old cereal! That's the best stuff:)

kevsnev | 7

#3605885 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:25

FYL, but happy birthday :D

PopsicleLicker | 0

#3605897 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:27

vintage cereal. Yum!

FYLDeep | 25

#3605989 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:38

Unless they went to an antique shop, I'm pretty sure the cereal didn't spend it's time aging at a store. It's more likely that it sat around in the OP's house for 3 years.

MyPetNinja | 14

#3606029 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:43

Sometimes it can. Me and my mom got three year old sour cream from coborns, and we actually ate some before realizing it.

raphanne_fml | 33

#3606077 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:50

#31 Could you tell us where exactly do you grocery shop, so that we can avoid this place?

ohsheet | 8

#3606111 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:56

Well it obvisously didn't taste expired if you didn't realize that when you took the first bite...

Damn_Hippster | 11

#3606319 - Saturday 19 November 2011 17:38

As long as it was lucky charms then it's still ok to eat.

MyPetNinja | 14

#3606661 - Saturday 19 November 2011 19:37

35- Coborns... They're retarded, they even put there Monster in the dog food section.

murdersquirrel | 15

#3607124 - Saturday 19 November 2011 23:16

OP didn't say it's his birthday, at all...just that the cereal expired on his birthday two years ago.

icanhazblivions | 1

#3607969 - Sunday 20 November 2011 3:02

exactly.

goaliemkl123 | 8

#3608588 - Sunday 20 November 2011 6:14

Doesn't it taste....a little off??

dirtbiker267 | 0

#3612366 - Monday 21 November 2011 1:30

Actually I don't think it would taste that bad probaly just stale and the milk would help that

That0therguy | 4

#3613715 - Monday 21 November 2011 7:36

Or bad house management.

By sunsetsbetween56 | 3

#3605813 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:19

Must have been good for you to keep eating it..

hemz_fml | 13

#3606096 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:54

Lmao I hope you feel better but once you said it expired two years ago I bursted put laughing...memories...not very pleasant with expired food :(

raphanne_fml | 33

#3606129 - Saturday 19 November 2011 17:00

Oh! A thread jacker going number 2!

kirsty1551 | 3

#3606201 - Saturday 19 November 2011 17:17

who says she kept eating it?

medotcom | 0

#3606526 - Saturday 19 November 2011 18:56

So is this person 2 years old?

SillyFart | 7

#3608505 - Sunday 20 November 2011 5:48

That's what she said

bitchslapped22 | 14

#3615063 - Monday 21 November 2011 15:50

He never mentioned that he kept eating it

By yeezheng | 6

#3605814 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:19

Hey time to take some laxatives! U don't want those things in your stomach for long . For all u know there maybe maggots. Better play safe than sorry.

IndiRae | 9

#3605858 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:24

Yes. You ate some chewy Fruitloops, now go puke/shit your guts out for a few hours.

murdersquirrel | 15

#3605905 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:28

I would hope OP would've noticed maggots.

Jaxx66 | 21

#3605965 - Saturday 19 November 2011 16:35

I think OP would see maggots. They are hard to miss.

toelie | 25

#3606396 - Saturday 19 November 2011 18:08

Some extra protein never hurt anyone.

fadingfaith | 4

#3606442 - Saturday 19 November 2011 18:22

That happened to me once, but the cereal wasn't expired. I was eating some Cheerios and I didn't notice the maggots until I ate two spoonfuls. It was gross.