Miscellaneous: Today, I was eating cereal while absentmindedly reading the box....

By jerdub93 - 19/11/2011 08:40 - United States

Today, I was eating cereal while absentmindedly reading the box. I was amused when I found it expires on my birthday. Then I realized it expired on my birthday two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 077

You deserved it 28 284

Miscellaneous

Mama's boy

Be the hero

Some friend

By ROLLY - 03/03/2010 20:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend stole a guy's cookie. As revenge, he stole my iPod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 479

You deserved it 3 905

By buggingout - 26/07/2011 10:33 - United States

Today, it's the first day of my Hawaiian honeymoon. We found out that the pool is under construction and our room is infested with roaches. We are paying $375 a night for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 070

You deserved it 4 488

By Anonymous - 14/10/2013 00:33 - United States - North Little Rock

Today, I got dumped because a guy sat next to me at a party and I didn't get up to change seats. Apparently, it means I subconsciously like the guy who sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 268

You deserved it 4 203

By Flarewolf - 04/06/2011 18:09 - United Kingdom

Today, my family went and visited my nan. She ushered me in close and asked, "When are you going to knock it off with all this emo cockshite?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 026

You deserved it 46 459

Making connections

By Anonymous - 18/04/2021 03:00 - Canada - Bedford

Today, my dad and I finally found something we have in common, after 12 years of barely talking with each other. We're both extremely suicidally depressed and we were both molested as kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 189

You deserved it 86

By LosTits - 03/09/2009 17:38 - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend after not seeing him for 7 months. During this time I have lost a lot of weight and am proud of it. My boyfriend didn't say anything about the lost weight. When we were alone and things started to heat up, he took off my bra and said "I think your tits are smaller." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 699

You deserved it 5 232

By Gen - 16/12/2008 07:05 - France

Today, I found the password to my boyfriend's MSN account. I was listed in the "booty call" category. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 723

You deserved it 7 466

Where am I?

By anonymus - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, my grandmother was driving me to the mall. Suddenly, she stopped in the middle of the road. When I asked her what exactly she was doing, she said, "Oh, am I driving?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 070

You deserved it 2 303

Timing is everything

By unluckypanda - 03/07/2021 16:04 - United States - Makawao

Today, I had a photoshoot planned weeks ago, getting one of the last coveted spots. My boyfriend couldn’t even show up on time. It was a sunrise shoot. We arrived once the sun had been up for 25 mins already. He wondered "what the big deal is?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 173

It's a pillow soft for my neck

By Anonymous - 19/08/2021 21:01 - United States - Battle Creek

Today, while tucking my toddler in bed and telling her I love her, she responded with, "And I love your bouncy castle belly!" I know I'm overweight, but I didn't think I was that fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 151

By busted - 02/08/2012 06:53 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 267

You deserved it 18 616

By sad - 05/11/2012 07:02 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I was eating a fancy dinner with my girlfriend at a restaurant. Suddenly, my ex-girlfriend, who was seemingly still angry after our breakup 2 years ago, saw me through the window. She walked in, took my spaghetti dinner, shoved it in my face, and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 716

You deserved it 3 457

By mandy16 - 04/09/2010 03:43

Today, I got my wisdom teeth taken out. The two male doctors told me they'd give me anesthesia, but when they did, I could still hear them. I heard them talking about my breasts and how flat they were for a 17 year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 147

You deserved it 3 446

By Anonymous - 15/08/2011 02:39 - Reserved

Today, I was knocked into a wall by a high-pressure water cannon suddenly kicking in. I was only going to the corner store to buy some chocolate. Probably serves me right for not noticing a small riot due to a thumping hangover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 967

You deserved it 6 992

By Anonymous - 17/03/2017 19:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, something in my shoe was bothering me at work. After about 30 minutes, I finally had a chance to fix it. There was a squashed lizard in my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 839

You deserved it 508

By frustrated - 22/01/2013 07:20 - Australia - Mittagong

Today, my mother insisted I dress very smartly in suit attire for my first job interview at a hippy-style retail store. My interviewer wore a poncho. I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 096

You deserved it 7 021

By paaaallllmmmssss - 26/09/2015 03:40 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, my dad's order of hair clippers arrived. I've been putting off getting a haircut for a while now, and he offered to give me one for free. Long story short, he managed to ruin the hair clippers, and I now look like a diseased palm tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 166

You deserved it 3 274

By SwedishBozo - 15/03/2009 01:30 - United States

Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 835

You deserved it 325 998

By Anonymous - 20/04/2012 01:26 - United States

Today, I offered my phone number to the guy I've been flirting back and forth with all week. He said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 683

You deserved it 4 008

By ugh - 04/07/2016 17:26 - United States - Milford

Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 352

You deserved it 1 099

By Anonymous - 23/06/2013 10:38 - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 443

You deserved it 25 387

By w00tz - 27/03/2009 05:12 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over the phone. He said there was someone else, and that he has been in love with her for a while. Turns out, the new girl was his online video game character. I got dumped for a video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99 637

You deserved it 9 284

By nic - 01/04/2009 20:06 - United States

Today, for April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friend's apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it. Instead, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 722

You deserved it 120 284

By hating labels - 23/10/2012 08:21 - Australia

Today, at breakfast, my sister labelled me a "feminist." My whole family now refuses to talk to me for more than 30 seconds, and acts as though I have an incurable, highly contagious disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 820

You deserved it 5 449

By bowler - 13/12/2009 21:31 - United States

Today, I had a job interview at the bowling alley. The manager was busy and asked if I could wait. Let's just say I've never bowled before, and I wanted to know how deep the hole was on the bowling ball. The interview ended with him spitting on my finger, trying to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 691

You deserved it 33 371

Hidden

By ashleyrc_8213 - 11/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was commenting on my boyfriend’s page, telling him how much I loved him and missed him since he had been deported back to his country. A 12-year-old girl commented, “Who are you and why are you so obsessed with my daddy?” I didn’t know he had kids. We were together for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 346

You deserved it 471

By Anonymous - 22/09/2010 08:17 - United States

Today, I got in an argument with my boyfriend, who recently had to move away, about not calling enough. Apparently his moving had meant that we were now taking a break, he just forgot to talk it over with me. He still wants to visit, and keep the relationship in bed alive though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 489

You deserved it 4 333

By Anonymous - 23/04/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After calling her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 048

You deserved it 4 144

By gaga - 22/05/2012 07:34 - United States - San Jose

Today, after spending about 5 grand on my home studio over the past year, I realized I have no musical talent whatsoever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 951

You deserved it 38 968

By Wyomingwannbe - 30/04/2016 11:25 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my wife and I are planning a simple team meal for our son's team. We're stuck on pulled pork or meatballs. I've told her I don't care. She's still indecisive. This has been going on for 2 days. We're now not talking, over meatballs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 066

You deserved it 2 285

By You're Not a Wizard - 30/06/2016 12:29

Today, I earned the nickname of "Harry Potter" for all the wrong reasons. I got locked in a storage cupboard for most of my shift, and couldn't get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 137

You deserved it 1 436

By Anonymous - 07/03/2012 18:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I went with my friends to see a movie. I handed my student card over to the cashier as proof I was old enough to see it, and he started laughing hysterically at my picture. Then he called over a colleague, who also started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 993

You deserved it 2 999

By Anonymous - 13/08/2013 08:49 - France - Paris

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 512

You deserved it 4 233

By PO'd big bro - 13/01/2015 01:11 - United States - Toccoa

Today, I had to call a few different women and explain to them that my little brother had catfished them. I had to do it because he is mute and my parents were too busy screaming at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 938

You deserved it 2 260

By moorox45 - 16/01/2012 17:10 - United States

Today, I put on a pair of sneakers that I'd left outside, and went jogging. After several minutes of pain, I pulled off one of the sneakers, only to find dozens of baby spiders had moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 418

You deserved it 11 724

By Anonymous - 09/07/2013 04:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she felt that her puppy was lonely while we dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 599

You deserved it 5 065

By masterfail - 04/10/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 455

You deserved it 19 721

Finally!

By oppsiedaisey - 02/09/2019 12:00

Today, it's been so long since my husband has been able to give me an orgasm that when he finally did today, I started sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 933

You deserved it 334

By lucky - 31/03/2009 00:39 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105 986

You deserved it 17 858

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 666

You deserved it 4 686

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Top comments

every1luvsboners 11

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Saturday 19 November 2011 16:23

Hey, wait, my Rice Krispies are moving.

sunsetsbetween56 3

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Saturday 19 November 2011 16:19

Must have been good for you to keep eating it..

pinecone1414 6

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Saturday 19 November 2011 16:18

Wow... Bad store managemant

Xr70r7 4

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Saturday 19 November 2011 16:24

Ahhh two year old cereal! That's the best stuff:)

kevsnev 7

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Saturday 19 November 2011 16:25

FYL, but happy birthday :D

PopsicleLicker 0

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Saturday 19 November 2011 16:27

vintage cereal. Yum!

FYLDeep 25

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Saturday 19 November 2011 16:38

Unless they went to an antique shop, I'm pretty sure the cereal didn't spend it's time aging at a store. It's more likely that it sat around in the OP's house for 3 years.

MyPetNinja 14

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Saturday 19 November 2011 16:43

Sometimes it can. Me and my mom got three year old sour cream from coborns, and we actually ate some before realizing it.

raphanne_fml 33

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Saturday 19 November 2011 16:50

#31 Could you tell us where exactly do you grocery shop, so that we can avoid this place?

ohsheet 8

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Saturday 19 November 2011 16:56

Well it obvisously didn't taste expired if you didn't realize that when you took the first bite...

Damn_Hippster 11

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Saturday 19 November 2011 17:38

As long as it was lucky charms then it's still ok to eat.

MyPetNinja 14

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Saturday 19 November 2011 19:37

35- Coborns... They're retarded, they even put there Monster in the dog food section.

murdersquirrel 15

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Saturday 19 November 2011 23:16

OP didn't say it's his birthday, at all...just that the cereal expired on his birthday two years ago.

icanhazblivions 1

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Sunday 20 November 2011 3:02

exactly.

goaliemkl123 8

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Sunday 20 November 2011 6:14

Doesn't it taste....a little off??

dirtbiker267 0

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Monday 21 November 2011 1:30

Actually I don't think it would taste that bad probaly just stale and the milk would help that

That0therguy 4

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Monday 21 November 2011 7:36

Or bad house management.

sunsetsbetween56 3

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Saturday 19 November 2011 16:19

Must have been good for you to keep eating it..

hemz_fml 13

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Saturday 19 November 2011 16:54

Lmao I hope you feel better but once you said it expired two years ago I bursted put laughing...memories...not very pleasant with expired food :(

raphanne_fml 33

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Saturday 19 November 2011 17:00

Oh! A thread jacker going number 2!

kirsty1551 3

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Saturday 19 November 2011 17:17

who says she kept eating it?

medotcom 0

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Saturday 19 November 2011 18:56

So is this person 2 years old?

SillyFart 7

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Sunday 20 November 2011 5:48

That's what she said

bitchslapped22 14

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Monday 21 November 2011 15:50

He never mentioned that he kept eating it

yeezheng 6

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Saturday 19 November 2011 16:19

Hey time to take some laxatives! U don't want those things in your stomach for long . For all u know there maybe maggots. Better play safe than sorry.

IndiRae 9

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Saturday 19 November 2011 16:24

Yes. You ate some chewy Fruitloops, now go puke/shit your guts out for a few hours.

murdersquirrel 15

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Saturday 19 November 2011 16:28

I would hope OP would've noticed maggots.

Jaxx66 21

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Saturday 19 November 2011 16:35

I think OP would see maggots. They are hard to miss.

toelie 25

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Saturday 19 November 2011 18:08

Some extra protein never hurt anyone.

fadingfaith 4

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Saturday 19 November 2011 18:22

That happened to me once, but the cereal wasn't expired. I was eating some Cheerios and I didn't notice the maggots until I ate two spoonfuls. It was gross.