Intimacy and Transportation: Today, when getting off the bus, the driver said he thought I...

By pirate prude - Canada

Today, when getting off the bus, the driver said he thought I was going to exit from the front. Without thinking, I responded, "Oh no, I'm more of a backdoor kinda girl!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

4942

2007

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Vulture

Minefield

By theJoblessArchaeologist - Canada - Vancouver

Today, as within the last couple of years, my dream job is only accepting applications from students continuing their degree in the fall. Literally, people with half degrees can get what I can't get with a full degree and experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4236

You deserved it

303

Favorite

By bitchasshonky - France

Today, I had a fancy dinner date with a really hot guy. Near the end of our meal, he asked if I wanted to go back to his place. As soon as we walked in the door, he started a religious debate with his room mate. It's been 45 minutes and its still going. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37860

You deserved it

5535

Favorite

By Shenza - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I am exhausted and can barely move after being up all night taking care of my drunk and vomiting husband. He, on the other hand, feels much better and is bounding with energy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24771

You deserved it

3006

Favorite

By Stairway2Heaven - Canada

Judgmental much!?

Today, I came home to find that my room had been ransacked. My mom comes out of nowhere and says that we need to have a talk. I freaked out thinking it was all the empty alcohol bottles under my bed. My mom holds up the birth control and says, "I always knew you were a whore." FML

I agree, your life sucks

69322

You deserved it

19372

Favorite

By Manstobe92 - United States

Today, I went to pick my date up at her house. When I got to the door, her dad answered. We talked for a little bit and he told me to take his 1958 Corvette. I politely refused and he told me, "If I can trust you with my daughter, I can trust you with my car." I crashed into his mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20602

You deserved it

40071

Favorite

By Username

Today, my brother announced his engagement. I'm going to be the Maid of Honor. My ex, who told me after five years of dating that he didn't believe in marriage, is going to be the Best Man. I get to walk down the aisle with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1891

You deserved it

144

Favorite

By gs - United States

Today, I pulled one of my favorite hoodies out of my closet, and immediately noticed several large stains on it. Apparently, my dad had managed to open a hole in the roof and couldn't be bothered to patch it, so a squirrel got in and used my closet as a litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26990

You deserved it

2190

Favorite

By AstralLuna - 5/3/2021 08:01 - United States - Sacramento

Keep up!

Today, I, a demigirl struggling with her identity, have decided to change my name. When I told my dad in therapy (of all places) that I was a demigirl, he struggled to understand me. When I told my mom I was changing my name, she yelled at me and refused to call me it. And she wonders why I don't trust her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

566

You deserved it

940

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/7/2020 14:01

Out of the frying pan…

Today, I thought I finally had a decent boyfriend. He didn’t seem like an emotionally unavailable alcoholic like my past boyfriends. Then I found out he’s an unemployed Trump supporter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1460

You deserved it

727

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/1/2021 17:01 - Germany

Catflap time

Today, our cat doesn’t care much whether she gets into my room or not. Except at about 3 a.m. each night. That’s the time she sits outside the door, meowing to be let in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

622

You deserved it

124

Favorite

By Lillian - 25/12/2020 01:58 - United States

Are you OK, hun?

Today, I walked into a store to buy a type of bread I like. The stuff was sold out, so I asked an employee when they'll be restocking it. The employee yelled at me, because, "They do have that bread," walks to the isle, and then when she saw that they really were out of the bread, she walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

966

You deserved it

105

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I hit a new low in my diet. There was a danish sitting on the table in the break room at work, and I wanted it. At the end of day, one of the guys threw it into the dumpster. Guess who just ate a dumpster danish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2446

You deserved it

5423

Favorite

By oopsididitagain - United States

Today, at the coffee shop where I work, my supervisor smelled "something weird, like sulfur." I spent the next ten minutes pretending to look for the source of the smell with her, rather than admit that it had come from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9927

You deserved it

30172

Favorite

By Tim - United States

Today, my mom had a baby shower. When it was over I walked around cleaning up the trash, when I saw a card sitting on the table with a note to my mom saying "better luck with this one." At the moment I am an only child, and the card was signed from my grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75530

You deserved it

4222

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/1/2021 00:58 - Canada - Brandon

Time marches on

Today, after looking back at our high school photos, I told my fiancée I’ve been scared lately that I’m getting uglier with age, and that I was much prettier back then. He got really quiet, and then agreed with me.. I’m only 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks

721

You deserved it

230

Favorite

By Whatswrongwithme? - United Kingdom

Today, I told my girlfriend I loved her. She left and never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55676

You deserved it

5707

Favorite

By 1357katie - Canada

Today, I told my mom about the couple times that I'd skipped classes during high school. She got really mad and grounded me for a month. That would usually be normal except for the fact that I'm 27 and live in my own apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39586

You deserved it

6248

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/6/2021 10:59 - United States

Denial

Today, my little brother got a tattoo honoring our mom who abused us. The only reason I stayed was to protect him. I feel like I wasted my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1101

You deserved it

Favorite

By darkman28 - United States

Today, I was looking at the page of a girl I've had this big crush on for a long time. After getting a date with her and taking her horse back riding and having a picture taken of the two of us I find that she paint shopped me out of the picture before posting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63375

You deserved it

4526

Favorite

By Rush Snake - France

Today, I tried to play with my Wii using the TV remote. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8137

You deserved it

31487

Favorite

By fxck - South Africa - Durban

Today, while walking home, I passed some guy loudly whining that foreign imports are destroying our economy, and that we should all be deported. When I pointed out that the mobile phone in his hand was clearly a Samsung, he turned bright red and punched me in the gut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26118

You deserved it

4931

Favorite

By twice-a-day - United States

Today, my house is suffering from an infestation of these tiny black beetles. After brushing my teeth tonight, I was rinsing out my toothbrush when I found that one of the beetles had curled up to die between the bristles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36912

You deserved it

4012

Favorite

By AnnaWusHere - United States

Today, my 72 year old Grandmother informed me she's running for mayor. She's been going around town with home made signs all day campaigning to win mayor. She lives in my town. My friend called me asking me if she was high. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29062

You deserved it

3982

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/11/2020 17:02

Face reality

Today, I realized I'm so lonely I would rather pretend I don't know I'm being cheated on than leave. We've been together a year and he's my virtual boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

419

You deserved it

810

Favorite

By mk - Canada

Today, I had a big craving for a popsicle so I went to a convenience store and bought one. On my first bite, my upper lip got stuck to it. I ripped it off and spent the next 10 minutes trying to stop the bleeding from the giant cut I'd put in my lip. It hurt too much to finish the popsicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43332

You deserved it

13400

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Unhappy birthday

Today, my cleaner wished me a happy birthday. My family and friends forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1982

You deserved it

184

Favorite

By Kitcat034

Today, I told my roommate that I was an atheist and she laughed. I left and returned to find her and her prayer group praying for my soul. She told me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I said no. Then she told me to find somewhere else to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4727

You deserved it

1005

Favorite

By Thanks Babe - United States - Aurora

Today, I woke up feeling awful, having caught the same illness my boyfriend had last night. When he was sick, I skipped my friend's baby shower to take care of him. Now that I'm sick, he goes to a friend's place, says to call if I need him, then turns his phone off. Seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59989

You deserved it

7544

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/12/2020 20:01 - Malaysia

Little shit

Today, I went to the graveyard with my little brother to visit my grandfather's grave. While we were there, my brother suddenly asked me, "Can you die now? I hate you." He's 7 year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

871

You deserved it

Favorite

By NotFamily - 22/3/2021 19:59

Shady

Today, my boyfriend blocked me on Facebook. He said he's restricting it to only close family and cousins. He doesn't understand why I'm upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks

937

You deserved it

Favorite

By ... - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that fist pumping during sex is not romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43633

You deserved it

6691

Favorite

By Chefinblack - Australia

Today, at my prestigious sous chef job, I was preparing to plate up expensive entrees for a function of 150 people. After arriving to work 2 hours early to finalize finishing touches, they call the restaurant 5 minutes before their booking stating, 'We can't be bothered anymore, sorry.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

25842

You deserved it

1512

Favorite

By Chipper

Today, my girlfriend and I were laying in bed. She rolled over and began rubbing my chest. She then said, "Wow babe those are a solid B-cup." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2588

You deserved it

852

Favorite

By VibeCheck

Hangover blues

Today, I woke up hungover and went to the kitchen for some food. I saw what I thought was a blueberry muffin. Halfway through eating it, I realized I couldn’t taste any blueberries, so I tried another one. I then remembered my dad telling me to throw out any old food we had. It was mould. FML

I agree, your life sucks

531

You deserved it

1708

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, our family reunion began with my sister calling my brother's current crazy girlfriend by his last crazy girlfriend's name and ended with my dad telling my adopted niece that he wanted a family picture without her in it, but she could be in the next one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13172

You deserved it

796

Favorite

By Zebracat - United States

Today, I was watching TV and started freaking out thinking I forgot to tell my boyfriend happy anniversary. I wrote him a text and after it sent, I realized the date is mine and my ex's anniversary date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12345

You deserved it

56224

Favorite

By AnnoyedandAutistic

Today, my boyfriend and I were eating breakfast at my strict Christian grandparent's house when he said that it was impossible for anyone bigger than a grapefruit to be swallowed by a whale. My grandmother asked him, "What about Jonah?" to which he replied "Oh, that's just a myth." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2788

You deserved it

521

Favorite

By Doc - United States - Anchorage

Today, I'm facing malpractice charges for neglecting a patient and failing to treat an infection. The patient had severe maggot-infested gangrene in his foot with exposed metatarsals, but refused amputation and all treatment. The judge is moving forward with the charges. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3831

You deserved it

179

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I had to very clearly explain to my mother, in public, why you cannot get cancer from eating too much ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22297

You deserved it

2416

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my toddler stood up in a shopping cart and fell, giving himself a black eye. Later, while at a restaurant, he tried to stand up in his high-chair. I quickly blurted out, "Sit down! Do you want another one of those?" while pointing at his eye. The waiter wouldn’t stop glaring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46282

You deserved it

10661

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Lalala579121 | 27

#7487334 - Wednesday 12 July 2017 6:49

So how many of the guys on the bus scrambled to follow you off after you said that?

By zainman13 | 26

#7487218 - Wednesday 12 July 2017 5:09

Well, are you?

COMMENTS

By zainman13 | 26

#7487218 - Wednesday 12 July 2017 5:09

Well, are you?

pirate prude | 12

#7488973 - Thursday 13 July 2017 3:49

Only on public transit, thank you very much! And, uh, only when getting off the bus. I don't have some weird "no anal unless it's on the bus" kink.

By CrazyTrainWreck | 19

#7487331 - Wednesday 12 July 2017 6:47

Well now he'll be after you booty.

By Lalala579121 | 27

#7487334 - Wednesday 12 July 2017 6:49

So how many of the guys on the bus scrambled to follow you off after you said that?

pirate prude | 12

#7488976 - Thursday 13 July 2017 3:51

Hahah good lord. Thankfully I was getting off (the BUS, dammit!) in a pretty rural area. If I was getting off downtown that could have been interesting, to say the least.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7487340 - Wednesday 12 July 2017 6:55

Free bus fare for life! (At least not in cash ;) )

pirate prude | 12

#7488979 - Thursday 13 July 2017 3:52

Ehh, I'll settle up with grass, thanks :)

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7487417 - Wednesday 12 July 2017 7:53

If you didn't wink afterwards, it doesn't count as sexual innuendo. *wink wink*

pirate prude | 12

#7488984 - Thursday 13 July 2017 3:55

No wink, just clapped my hand over my mouth, turned beet red and ran out the damn door.

By ArbiterOfFML | 24

#7488335 - Wednesday 12 July 2017 19:05

Well, ARE YOU!?!

By Fffhjno_fml | 17

#7489007 - Thursday 13 July 2017 4:11

I guess I need to utilize public transportation more often. I'm still trying to figure out how you conversed with the driver from the back of the bus? I can't envision that being possible on my local buses. Or you were already in the front and went to the back simply to exit?