Today, I found a small bottle of chocolate milk in the fridge...

By pimdala_major - 30/10/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, I found a small bottle of chocolate milk in the fridge from McDonald's. I've been living with my grandparents while going to college and figuring they'd never drink it themselves, I took a sip. It had expired two years ago. FML

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Miscellaneous

Understandable

Serious times

Grow up

By leftwardfoil - 19/8/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I woke up to my roommate sniffing my underwear. He said he was checking if they were clean, so he could borrow them later. Which may have been reasonable, if I weren't still sleeping in them. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/3/2009 05:06 - Canada

Today, my mom told me she spent $760 on "quantum pendants" that "produce scalar energy that helps to enhance the body’s biofield." When I told her she got scammed, she denied it and yelled at me. Best part? She frequently lectures me about how I waste my money and spend irresponsibly. FML

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By fuckingdonuts - 18/5/2015 02:54 - United States - Edmond

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML

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By screwedwoman27 - 19/6/2011 18:03 - United States

Today, I told my five year old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2010 20:32 - United Kingdom

Today, after months of dieting, I finally reached my goal weight. Excitedly I told my boyfriend, who gave me a beautiful dress as an early Christmas present. It was a size too small. FML

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By DemCherries - 28/3/2017 15:00 - United States - Overland Park

Today, at my job as a police officer, I had to arrest my own girlfriend for having sex at Walmart. She tried to get me to let her out on the grounds of being "pretty" and dating me. She wants to continue the relationship. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2011 13:19 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for an infection from where a cat bit me while I was sleeping. Where that cat came from and how it got into my bedroom I will never know. FML

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By Heifer - 16/5/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, when done feeding my newborn, I stated to my husband that I'm a cow. He said, in a sincere tone, "Oh, baby, you'll lose the weight soon." I meant cow because I'm producing so much milk. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2013 05:03 - United States - Woodland Hills

Today, after learning that my wife has been cheating on me, I decided to distract myself by playing The Sims. Not long after I began, my Sim's wife basically started cheating on him. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2017 16:00

Today, my 3-year-old niece brushed my hair, making sure to be gentle so she wouldn't hurt me. When it was time to brush the front, she made sure to meticulously brush my mustache. I'm a woman. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2019 14:00

Today, I was prescribed two different medications. I was also informed that they will both give me diarrhea for the next two weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/2/2017 20:00 - Canada - Westerose

Today, our family cat died. I had to explain this to my 2 small children, who had no experience with death. I ended up bawling like a baby while they consoled me, telling me she had, "gone to a better place". FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2011 22:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I was fired. My boss told me via email that it was because I "don't have enough experience with fun spiritual." Uh, what? FML

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By married to a nerd - 7/6/2018 20:30

Today, I asked my 4-year-old daughter where her father went. She said, "Out to have fun with Zoe." Acting on suspicion, I followed him and did a stakeout. Hours later, I barged in and caught him playing Dungeons and Dragons. "Zoe" is the female wizard he plays as. FML

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By AustrianCow - 22/12/2015 21:45 - Austria - Linz

Today, I wanted my boyfriend to meet my parents. My mum introduced herself as, "I'm Petra. I'm completely normal." FML

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By Joel - 25/8/2010 19:13 - United States

Today, I made a mistake at work that got 7 people fired. I'm scared to leave the office because they're all outside. FML

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By Mak10 - 10/12/2010 06:53 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that if you tell your child that they're old enough to cook their own food in the microwave, you have to make sure they're smart enough not to put the metal spoon in with the food as well. FML

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By Iceicebaby - 15/2/2017 23:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, after getting out the car and closing the door, I began walking and slipped on some black ice. In the moment of panic, I grabbed onto my car wing mirror. Luckily, I didn't hit the deck. Unluckily, the wing mirror broke off. FML

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By lolilovemyboyfriend - 19/10/2011 14:37 - United States

Today, my eleven year old sister came in, and bitched to me and my boyfriend about how she was going to tell my mom about the used condom she found. My boyfriend punched her in the face. FML

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By Stigmamma - 13/5/2019 20:00

Today, I asked a hairdresser for an A-line bob. I was left with wavy bangs and hair, which is not A-line at all, it's 1 cm shorter on one side. She says she did my hair right, I just need to "style it properly." Not only is it fucked up, I later realised it's the EXACT same haircut as my mother-in-law's. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2011 23:51 - Canada

Today, I was working at the hospital front desk when an elderly man started hurling racial slurs at another visitor. A fight broke out, so I stepped in and forcibly separated the two. The old man tripped and crashed to the floor. Now I'm under investigation for "contributing to workplace violence." FML

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By LexiBoBexi - 12/7/2010 05:38 - United States

Today, my family and I went to the coast. Our dog was off the leash because we were the only people around. He was delighted to find a dead seal carcass and roll around in its remains. We then had a 3 hour drive home. FML

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By ... - 12/3/2009 18:57 - France

Today, the really hot guy that works in the same building as me came to work after being away for the past two days. I said "Look who finally decided to come to work." His response: "I had a death in the family, thanks." FML

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By dinomite - 26/3/2011 12:05

Today, I quit my job after I overheard my boss doing a 'hysterical' impression of me telling her about my dad's heart condition. FML

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By fuckyouverymuch - 13/6/2013 10:16 - Australia - Sunnybank

Today, my estranged father, who is a cop, decided to show up to my 17th birthday party. He immediately began arresting people for underage drinking. Way to mend fences, dad. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 21:34 - Netherlands - Tilburg

Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked in on my wife fingering herself to a copy of War and Peace. FML

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By xyz - 9/2/2009 18:24 - Ireland

Today, I told the man I'm sleeping with I thought my sister was prettier than me. His response: "not significantly." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2013 19:58 - United States - Everett

Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, for my mom's birthday, we went camping. At night, my mom and her boyfriend decided to have "Birthday Sex" because they thought everyone was asleep. Trying to not make it awkward for me and my friend that I brought along, I kept still. Soon, I heard my friend going to town on herself. FML

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By Salvation711 - 15/4/2012 15:29 - United States

Today, a woman was staring at me. This went on for about five minutes until I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed at her to cut it out. It turns out she had a lazy eye. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2013 19:56 - United States - West Babylon

Today, a few of my friends arranged for us to go skinny-dipping with the guy I really like. It went really well, until a turd surfaced before our eyes. After we scrambled out of the pool in panic, my crush called us all freaks and left. FML

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By Motorless - 8/9/2017 01:30

Today, after months of riding a bike through the rain, I finally saved up enough for a car. It was a little aged, but ran fine. That is, until a tire blew out, the engine stalled, and the battery died within one week. FML

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By :/ - 5/4/2015 00:44 - United States - Groton

Today, I had a date over for the first time since I moved out. I made a beautiful dinner… for one of us. I'm so used to cooking for just myself that I only made one serving. FML

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By Littlebigben - 19/7/2017 05:00

Today, I found a cellphone. I went through the contacts and called the one listed as 'dad' to inform them I could leave it at a cash register of the store I found it in or take it to the police station so they could pick it up. They then called the police, insisting I stole it. FML

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By fmeplease - 31/5/2009 21:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I was cleaning out my bedside table when I came across some condoms I bought on my 18th birthday, to use the first time I had sex. They expired five years ago. I'm still waiting for my first time. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2012 15:54 - Australia - Perth

Today, I realised being the only female engineering student sucks. I have exactly one friend, because everyone else is too busy staring at my boobs to have a conversation. FML

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By spandex - 24/3/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, I had to perform a skit in my class in which I have to wear tight spandex compression shorts. The class laughed pretty hard, and I felt like I had done a good job. Afterward, a girl I have a crush on said, "So the stereotype about Asian guys IS true." Through the fluorescent lights you could see my junk. FML

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By Username - 19/6/2011 18:08 - United States

Today, I went camping with my girlfriend and best friend. They are now having blood-curdling sex in our tent. My friend is also my ride home. FML

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By anon. - 17/11/2015 18:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while working at the bar, I accidentally spilled a beer on my chest. Several drunk men whistled and seemed to enjoy what they saw so much that they bought even more drinks and started coming onto me. My boss asked if I could do it again on my next shift. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2013 04:01 - United States - Appleton

Today, I told my girlfriend I've been a vegetarian for 6 years. Hearing this, my mom said, "No, you're not. I fry your mushrooms and onions in bacon grease." With this new information, I've been a vegetarian for about 76 hours. FML

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Top comments

By seven_to_twelve | 3

#646885 - Saturday 31 October 2009 1:01

How could you not notice that? Milk, even chocolate milk, that's gone bad has a horrid smell. And after two years, shouldn't the milk have been solidified?

By patticake1601 | 0

#646965 - Saturday 31 October 2009 1:46

bullshit, it would have exploded. The bacteria that grows in milk lets off gases and if it hadn't exploded it would not be in a liquid form after two years. FAAAAAAAAKE

COMMENTS

By rihannalover | 0

#646876 - Saturday 31 October 2009 0:58

shit. sometimes grandparents are lazy like that. we all are ahaha. i would gag and spit it up in the sink and probably not tell them, but hey. that's me ahah.

pancakes_n_syrup | 0

#646914 - Saturday 31 October 2009 1:14

Grandparents are so gross..my grandma has already cooked Christmas dinner and frozen it. Disgusting, right?

nazooer | 11

#646930 - Saturday 31 October 2009 1:22

Yum

jcrook | 0

#647032 - Saturday 31 October 2009 2:50

Yeah, man. For fuck's sake, it's not like they worked hard all their lives to get to a stage where they could rest in their old age.

JustinBieberIsOK | 0

#982842 - Wednesday 21 April 2010 3:38

bridge? You mean fridge?

dirtbiker267 | 0

#3558056 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 13:12

I fail to see how they deserved it maybe it was at the bottom shelf at the back and the op never said they were retired. You know some people don't retire as soon as they can some Would rather work.

NiceGuysDoWin | 21

#5868964 - Wednesday 26 February 2014 2:13

I think the point is that the OP deserved it. Even the small bottled from McDonalds have an expiration date. You drink without checking and it is your bad.

By seven_to_twelve | 3

#646885 - Saturday 31 October 2009 1:01

How could you not notice that? Milk, even chocolate milk, that's gone bad has a horrid smell. And after two years, shouldn't the milk have been solidified?

mmm6969 | 8

#4213533 - Sunday 25 March 2012 16:42

it's from mcdonalds so that's questionable if it would solidify

dotdotdotslash | 8

#6265513 - Friday 17 April 2015 23:06

the real question is: if it was from McDonalds was it even milk?

By papahmarioulez | 0

#646886 - Saturday 31 October 2009 1:01

woah! gross!

By mylifesucks341 | 0

#646890 - Saturday 31 October 2009 1:02

dude ur life sucks iam surpise u did'nt die lol lmao

By cthulhu1138 | 1

#646903 - Saturday 31 October 2009 1:09

If you figured your grandparents wouldn't drink it, why would you assume it's recent? Milk doesn't have a long shelf life.

By perdix | 29

#646905 - Saturday 31 October 2009 1:11

You should have slugged the whole thing. It would have put hair on your chest. That could work for you in Ohio. ;)

By area51avenger | 0

#646908 - Saturday 31 October 2009 1:12

it wasn't expired. that's just how mcdonalds milk tastes mang

By Prawn_fml | 2

#646921 - Saturday 31 October 2009 1:18

Dude, WTF? Why wouldn't you check the best-before date before even opening the thing?

aperfectxdeath | 3

#4007787 - Wednesday 8 February 2012 5:20

Not only that but I always smell my milk before I pour a glass.

By Byrnevictim | 0

#646938 - Saturday 31 October 2009 1:23

Not a FML, who cares. if you cant tell that small milk bottle is old and smells. then your dumber then shit.

By Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#646947 - Saturday 31 October 2009 1:31

Wouldn't you have smelled that from the kitchen? BEFORE you opened the fridge? A year ago?