Love: Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend due to our long distance... - FML

11/08/2010 06:50 - United States

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend due to our long distance relationship. She then agreed to date my best friend who lives in the same town as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 301

You deserved it 3 446

Dementia or hate? You decide

Sounds like a catch

I don't need to see this

All over the place

By meowitzer - 22/04/2020 05:02

Today, a close, funny friend who has quite the attitude, received a long email from a long-time friend of hers, telling her how difficult she is. When I told her it doesn’t matter, that she is still wonderful, she went off on how bad a friend I am for saying that, and then deleted me off WhatsApp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 356

You deserved it 181

05/09/2009 23:41 - United States

Today, knowing that the girl I broke up with last night goes crazy after breakups, I threw away my hair products, thinking she switched them with Nair. She didn't... but she did use the key I keep under a flowerpot to take all of my clothes and burn them on my lawn while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 551

You deserved it 8 968

06/01/2016 18:01

Today, I found out my mom can't wait until I turn 18, so she can kick me out and turn my room into a huge closet for all her clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 186

You deserved it 2 015

08/04/2018 23:00 - United States - Elkhart

Today, being a divorced dad, I had a very important job opportunity for which I would be gone overnight. When I returned, I found my son locked in his room while the babysitter was having sex with a man in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 712

You deserved it 391

06/02/2016 06:28 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, it's been five days since I started my new job in a new town, just signed a lease on my new apartment too. Now I find out the company's closing down, and since I'm still on probation, I'm told I'm not entitled to any kind of severance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 530

You deserved it 1 925

28/12/2018 06:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 086

You deserved it 474

15/04/2011 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 252

You deserved it 32 108

02/05/2016 20:08 - United States - Beachwood

Today, the family I was serving had ordered calamari and when I brought out the food, they started yelling at me because apparently their daughter was allergic to it. Just why would you order it then? FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 932

You deserved it 872

28/06/2013 18:07 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, I woke up to a flooded basement. That basement is my bedroom, so I'm completely surrounded by water. All I need is a tiger and this would be like The Life of Pi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 604

You deserved it 3 861

21/02/2016 16:03 - United States - Bainbridge

Today, I'm locked in a bedroom with two dogs to keep them from barking at the guy fixing our water heater. One of them is stress-farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 925

You deserved it 2 194

06/02/2010 18:29 - France

Today, my boyfriend of two years said he would finally take me somewhere romantic. I spent my day at a Star Wars convention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 836

You deserved it 7 017

23/05/2010 07:27 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was on my bed on top of my boyfriend when I lost my balance and fell. My father walked in the door to see what the noise was. I don't know what is more embarrassing, my father walking in, or him walking in saying "Thats an expensive bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 566

You deserved it 10 534

Too real

By ann - 05/06/2021 14:00

Today, my daughter complained that she no longer wanted to talk about poop, as it grosses her out. This is a girl who can eat a rare steak while watching a guy’s arms get hacked off on TV, but poop is where she draws the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 694

08/12/2011 11:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that the mother of his children, from whom he is not divorced yet, is moving back into his house because she broke up with her boyfriend and has nowhere to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 548

You deserved it 8 324

09/10/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, the disgruntled ex-boyfriend of a woman who lives three floors down from me slashed her tires for breaking up with him. He also, for good measure, slashed the tires of the person parked to the left and right of her. I was parked to the right of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 595

You deserved it 2 174

04/01/2011 07:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered after four hours of vomiting that it is very much possible to vomit so hard you can't help but shit in your trousers. My boyfriend is currently staying over, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 198

You deserved it 2 959

Hey, where's my bonus?!

By moderndante - 11/09/2019 16:00 - United States - Portland

Today, my co-worker received a $1,000 bonus for a project that I do all the work on. My direct supervisor thought that I was an assistant. I send him an e-mail copy of the project every week, and have done so for the past six months. I was later reprimanded for not congratulating my co-worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 948

You deserved it 95

18/11/2011 20:49 - United States

Today, I got a letter of complaint from my landlord. It said my loud, obnoxious trampling is disturbing my downstairs neighbor, and I have to stop. I'm small and hardly weigh anything, but it seems that if I want to keep my lease, I'll have to master the art of levitating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 179

You deserved it 3 213

04/10/2013 16:05 - Denmark

Today, I went to the gym. I tried out a new machine where you do one-arm weightlifting. I took my time to get into a good position, then set the machine to the lowest weight possible. I couldn't even lift it an inch. A bunch of buff guys nearby saw me and burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 641

You deserved it 5 928

05/02/2011 22:54 - United States

Today, I was driving to work when I was almost hit by a teenage driver. I gave her the finger and shouted "F*** you!" making sure that she heard me. I then saw my boss glaring at me from the passenger seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 194

You deserved it 42 076

26/09/2011 15:35 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused package while we were watching a movie. I couldn't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 826

You deserved it 7 802

21/12/2011 12:30 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I said something grammatically wrong during it. He chose to correct it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 505

You deserved it 31 773

30/11/2009 07:27 - United States

Today, I pulled over to help an attractive girl on the highway in the middle of nowhere. When I asked if she needed help she told me she was going to try starting her car one more time. She then started to make fake engine noises and told me that she was good to go and that I should be on my way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 330

You deserved it 5 975

16/11/2018 15:30

Today, I told my son if he wanted the new internet password he had to clean his room. I then caught him disconnecting my laptop from the internet. Turns out he changed the password months ago and now if I want the new password he wants £50. I ended up paying. I'm actually proud of the sneaky sod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 3 343

20/05/2019 14:22

Today, I had to cover for a coworker so I worked a 12-hour shift. I worked so late, I missed the final episode of Game of Thrones, which I have been really looking forward to. Guess who texted me, talking about how it ended? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 060

You deserved it 308

Together, forever

By ForeverLost - 26/03/2020 20:21

Today, my wife asked me for a divorce, shortly after I found out she's been having an affair. Then our county placed us on quarantine for Covid-19. Now I'm stuck living with her until it goes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 298

You deserved it 134

08/08/2011 06:45 - Australia

Today, I found out that my son had sold his house key to one of his friends for half a packet of gum. Now there is someone out there who I have never met with full access to my house. My son is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 022

You deserved it 5 281

15/04/2014 04:24 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, while I was waiting for the bus, I was whistling. I saw a cute girl running and I looked at my phone so it didn't seem too awkward. I was still whistling as she passed by so it sounded like I whistled at her. She ran back to slap me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 888

You deserved it 7 238

15/03/2009 04:46 - United States

Today, I interviewed for a full scholarship to college. In the interview I said that I was excited about the new dean because I think she’ll be able to really make improvements and bring the school back to where it used to be. After the interview, I learned my interviewer was the former dean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 363

You deserved it 22 661

29/08/2016 10:19 - United States - Kill Devil Hills

Today, I made a point of talking to our parachute riggers, and thanking them for all they do. Today is also the first day I had to pull my reserve chute because my main chute didn't open correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 100

You deserved it 1 018

Sorry for what?

By Anonymous - 13/03/2021 21:30

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years said he wanted an open relationship. When I asked if it was because I wasn’t good enough to fulfill his needs, he got mad at me and now expects an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 134

03/02/2010 00:12 - United States

Today, I was on Craigslist looking for a new guitar. I found the diamond earrings and necklace set I gave to my girlfriend last year. She wants 50 bucks for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 554

You deserved it 2 544

Smells like victory

By Lucas - 14/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, during oral sex, my wife squirted, which she’s never done before, and I was so surprised I accidentally breathed it straight up my nose. It’s been 3 hours and it’s still all I can smell FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 337

29/05/2011 04:27 - United States

Today, I was singing while unloading my dishwasher. I heard a knock on the door and went to answer it only to find the police telling me they received noise complaints from my neighbors. I live next-door to my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 206

You deserved it 6 201

11/01/2013 19:47 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, one of my paintings was accepted into a local art gallery. It would've been a dream come true, had my "best friend" not submitted it under her own name and taken all the credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 271

You deserved it 3 015

11/11/2014 18:56 - United States - Dekalb

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 014

You deserved it 3 047

19/12/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, I can't get my heat to turn off. It is currently 87 degrees Fahrenheit in my house, and my heat is running non-stop. It's about 20 degrees outside with over a foot of snow on the ground, so a repairman can't come out to fix it. My electricity bill will be about $1000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 751

You deserved it 3 546

01/12/2016 16:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my family was watching a football game and kept mentioning their team's quarterback's name and, as I'm not a football fan by any means, asked them who this was. My grandma then turned to me and said, "This is why you don't have a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 321

You deserved it 1 279

22/02/2010 02:12 - United States

Today, my best friend had set me up on a blind date. The guy demonstrated at length that he could do different cartoon voices such as Donald Duck, Droopy and many others the entire time. Oh, and he also kept wanting to talk about his farts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 467

You deserved it 3 539

22/12/2012 01:16 - France

Spicy

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 656

You deserved it 8 922

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 16:07

What a whore.

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 16:09

Well then be glad to get rid of her. She just needed a reason to break it off, sorry :/

Comments

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 16:07

What a whore.

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 16:08

.....Asa?

thatfrenchguy 8

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 16:09

go, find and fuck your 'bestfriend's ex

JillianlikesVogu 0

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 16:23

Dude, your ex is a bitch.

BoyFromTheFuture 0

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 16:40

win 11. yes it's probally true, his wiener is probally so much bigger that he can bang your ex over long distances.

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 16:41

it's funny because she said you were to long distance for her but than she dated someone in the same town as you.

thegirlnextdoorr 0

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 16:43

Ouch D: That sucks. She's not worth it if she has to lie to break up with you, and he's a jerk because he agreed to date her! Get a new bestfriend... FYL

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 17:14

People seem to date their best friend's girl a lot.

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 17:22

all's fair in love and war.. .that being said, go sucker punch that best friend of yours.

supergirl69_fml 0

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 17:30

if only there was such thing as a long distance threesome...

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 17:38

no no no WAIT! maybe OPs bestfriend lives CLOSER but still in the same town o_o

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 17:51

53 lol

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 18:17

Time to through potatoes at your friends house.

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 18:25

legonut. too not to dumb-ass.

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 18:48

what a dildo. -.-

Blue_Coconuts 7

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 18:50

50, there is.... You heard of three way calling? Three way phone sex.

missmontreal97 4

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 19:10

she's a whore.

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 19:47

YDI for trying to keep a relationship YDI for loving someone YDI for flirting with people YDI for talking to people YDI for being social

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 21:01

strike that bitch

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 21:59

your Ex gfs a bitch. go jizz on her bf while he's asleep and kill his parents!

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Thursday 12 August 2010 7:12

sucks to date a bitch whore. at least she didnt give you any stds.

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Friday 13 August 2010 0:51

she lied to you

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 16:08

She agreed to dating him? That's a strange way to put it. :P He must have propositioned her!

BoyFromTheFuture 0

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 16:46

yeah and he prolly promised to visit and call unlike his best friend. I'm just saying that if she agreed to another long distance relationship after a failed one, then there were some screwups on ops part. PS Best Friend? i think this breaks man law. unless she's a ten.

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 16:49

no there are no exceptions when it comes to man law!

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 18:02

There's exceptions.

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 16:09

slutty slutterson

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 22:05

it should say ex-best friend

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 16:09

Well then be glad to get rid of her. She just needed a reason to break it off, sorry :/

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 16:10

reeal nice 'best friend' xD

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 16:12

she's dating LONG DISTANCE, YOU dumped her at LONG DISTANCE, she's a LONG DISTANCE whore, YOUR FREIND is NOW dating her at LONG DISTANCE, and your pissed off? wow. words of advice, go get your fuck on, your crying over a LONG DISTANCE, you poor creature

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 16:12

i also hate to see hate OP when this stuff happens at a CLOSER DISTANCE, he'd probably be that creepy ex-who lingers

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 16:13

At least you know your friend isn't getting it from her any more than you used to. ;-)

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 16:17

haha tru. but wat if she comes to town to... do sumthing haha

Quest_ 13

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 16:16

I want to rave to a remix of your angry blustering.

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 16:16

it's okay you can find better

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 115

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 136