Today, I was dragged to a Super Bowl party. While there, the host's kid threw 3 cups of apple sauce at my feet, which then exploded and covered my jeans. 10 minutes later, the host's wife announced that she was pregnant with twins. All I could come up with was, "You're making more!?" FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was drunkenly showing my juggling skills at a party with three apples. I nailed it until one flew out of my hand, hit a guest in the face, and knocked their drink all over the host’s new beige couch. FML
Today, I was at a party at my boyfriend's house. As I was walking past him, he pulled me onto his lap and started introducing me to a childhood friend. I sneezed and accidently peed on him. I'm 6 months pregnant and can't control my bladder. FML
Today, at a friendly get-together, my friend's husband had too much to drink and got into a fistfight with my husband. I'm seven-and-a-half months pregnant, and the friendly get-together was my baby shower. FML
Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML
Today, I attended my husband's holiday brunch at a company I also used to work for. I was excited to see former coworkers until one raced up, grabbed my belly, and in front of a crowded room, exclaimed, "You're pregnant!" Nope, just older and a bit fatter. FML
Today, I was eating at Applebees at a high table with bar stools. I was reaching over to get some gum out of mom's purse when my chair flipped out from under me and my soda fell on top of me and got in my ear. To make things worse, the waiter ran over and shouted "I give that one a 10!" FML
Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML
Today, I was having dinner with my husband and two toddlers. My two year-old son was being incredibly cute and independently drinking water out of an open cup. I commented on how much I loved him. Two seconds later, he threw said cup with water at my head and started laughing. FML
Today, I was babysitting my friend's kids. One of the twin babies threw up all over my shirt and it went down my bra. Of course, I didn't have a change of clothes. FML
Today, I was hosting a small party for my nephews and a couple neighborhood kids. I unexpectedly started my period while I was serving the snacks. Have you ever been pointed and laughed at by a bunch of 12 year-olds? Ah, just like the good old days… FML
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Top comments
rattusrattus 18
Trust me, you were only saying what everyone else was thinking.
DocBastard 38
The difference between a good kid and a bad kid is a good parent who isn't afraid to say "no".
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Comments (97)
liv_graham 7
It's really sad that people who don't know how to teach their children respect think its a good idea to have more kids. I think it's truly a **** her life because she's the one who's going to have to deal with five children who clearly don't understand how to act properly.
liv_graham 7
It's 6:43 in the morning and I have the flu, give me a break.
DocBastard 38
The difference between a good kid and a bad kid is a good parent who isn't afraid to say "no".
drkrissy1331 12
Well said!
Serisent 26
Applesauce doesn't stain, unless we're talking about your pride.
dontpanic_fml 32
What a strange setting to suddenly announce a pregnancy too. I don't think it matters what you said.
The_F3rris 11
Shoulda thought about that before getting knocked up lol
perdix 29
The kid went 3-for-3? Those are better stats than Colin Kaepernick! That lady could be the next quarterback factory after Mrs. Manning!
jjmiller1001 17
some people's kids are beyond belief
charvisioku 22
Shouldn't she work on bringing the one she's got up before she plagues the world with more of her evil spawn? xD
GarageDragon 22
It's possible that one good thing came from this - you probably won't be invited to their place again.
sparklecherry 4
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