Today, I was dragged to a Super Bowl party. While there, the host's kid threw 3 cups of apple sauce at my feet, which then exploded and covered my jeans. 10 minutes later, the host's wife announced that she was pregnant with twins. All I could come up with was, "You're making more!?" FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was drunkenly showing my juggling skills at a party with three apples. I nailed it until one flew out of my hand, hit a guest in the face, and knocked their drink all over the host’s new beige couch. FML
Today, I was at a party at my boyfriend's house. As I was walking past him, he pulled me onto his lap and started introducing me to a childhood friend. I sneezed and accidently peed on him. I'm 6 months pregnant and can't control my bladder. FML
Today, at a friendly get-together, my friend's husband had too much to drink and got into a fistfight with my husband. I'm seven-and-a-half months pregnant, and the friendly get-together was my baby shower. FML
Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML
Today, I attended my husband's holiday brunch at a company I also used to work for. I was excited to see former coworkers until one raced up, grabbed my belly, and in front of a crowded room, exclaimed, "You're pregnant!" Nope, just older and a bit fatter. FML
Today, I was eating at Applebees at a high table with bar stools. I was reaching over to get some gum out of mom's purse when my chair flipped out from under me and my soda fell on top of me and got in my ear. To make things worse, the waiter ran over and shouted "I give that one a 10!" FML
Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML
Today, I was having dinner with my husband and two toddlers. My two year-old son was being incredibly cute and independently drinking water out of an open cup. I commented on how much I loved him. Two seconds later, he threw said cup with water at my head and started laughing. FML
Today, I was babysitting my friend's kids. One of the twin babies threw up all over my shirt and it went down my bra. Of course, I didn't have a change of clothes. FML
Today, I was hosting a small party for my nephews and a couple neighborhood kids. I unexpectedly started my period while I was serving the snacks. Have you ever been pointed and laughed at by a bunch of 12 year-olds? Ah, just like the good old days… FML
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Top comments
rattusrattus 18
Trust me, you were only saying what everyone else was thinking.
DocBastard 38
The difference between a good kid and a bad kid is a good parent who isn't afraid to say "no".
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Comments (97)
VampTat 10
Why wasn't the child in bed??? Most folks put their youngsters to bed during parties like a Super Bowl Party...
Darkblade21 20
Hey guys, OP here. The women hosting the party ended up being completely unapologetic in the end, as well as defending her son an herself. To anyone wondering, she already has 3 kids and the twins would be here fourth and fifth children.
Darkblade21 20
Hey guys, OP here. I didn't k ow this got put up until recently, so sorry for the delay. I wanted to clear some things up. First, this lady does have 3 children already, so the twins will be her 4th and 5th. Secondly, I was not "dragged" to the party in the sense that I am a child, but I went with friends because I honestly had nothing better to do. To all the people who said apple sauce is the new style, damn straight it is.
UNLUCKYyY1037 26
I hope you meant the applesauce
littlexlune 16
I can understand your skepticism. People who can't control their kids should be sterilized.
alphabitch 2
Great response!
Darkblade21 20
Hey, Op here. Didn't realize that this was posted until I found it while sifting the random section. For a bit of background information, I had no affiliation with any of the people at the party other than my family, who decided I needed to come for whatever reason. The family hosting the event is completely out of hand, they had 5 children before the twins. All of their children are poorly behaved, scum of the Earth, obscenely entitled nuisances that do whatever they want wherever they want, and their parents are both silver spoon spineless rich kids that never grew up. After I made my remark, we left quickly. For those bashing me for a lack of manners, I think you may need to have been there, as any form of civil behavior was quite foreign in the situation. I generally try to treat people, especially hosts, with respect and kindness. The first comment on apple bottom jeans was pretty funny, the 50 duplicates got old quickly. I'm just satisfied that I got this posted, I'm not sure I was logged in when I did though. Either way, thanks for taking the time to read my rant, have a good one!
whyme5200 17
Hilarious
fantasyworld 37
I'm sure you weren't the only one thinking it.