Today, I was down the pub with a mate and we got onto the subject of bar fights. I said I thought being glassed wouldn't actually hurt that much. My friend looks at me, calmly finishes his pint and then swiftly smashes his glass over my head. Turns out I was wrong. And we got kicked out. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I went to my favorite bar after work for a drink. On my way to the porch out back, I didn't realize the sliding glass door was shut, and walked straight into it. I was stone cold sober, but the bartender refused to believe me, and cut me off before my first beer. FML
Today, while at a local bar, my friends and I were approached by an overly intoxicated man who asked us each politely if we wanted to fight. Thinking it was a joke, I said yes. It wasn't a joke, I now have a broken nose and a black eye. FML
Today, my friend got drunk. We tried to get him into a cab, he punched me in the face, three chavs then accosted me, accusing me of trying to mug him. I was then beaten up by said chavs and then the police charged me for being drunk and disorderly. FML
Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML
Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
Today, my friend dared me to break a liquor bottle on my head. I slammed it into my head so hard I got dizzy, then did it a SECOND time and knocked myself out so hard that I pissed and shat myself. My head hurts really badly. FML
Today, whilst presenting a report to the head of my college, I was arrested by a police officer for assault. I was in a bar the night before and accidentally bumped into a local tough guy on the way to the toilet. I got punched in the face. The witnesses got our names mixed up. That'll look great on my CV. FML
Today, my friends showed me a video of me blind drunk last night, getting into a fight with my front door. The door won, unlike my face. FML
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Top comments
mhm_megann 0
i woleheartedly enjoyed how english that fml was!
xd0rkiee 0
Why would you even think that? Yes, pieces of glass flying onto you and cutting your face TOTALLY does not hurt.
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Comments (99)
wh4t3v3R 0
HAHA! This was the most random and hilarious FML I've seen in awhile. Is my dick a gnat's left ball or what?
bridgetoparadise 0
You and your friend sound like fun, I would go down the pub with you
Ut_vols 0
Only in ******* England
maybetomorrow_fml 0
If you break the bottom out first it doesn't hurt. I've seen this done several times. My bf's favorite party trick is to break the bottom out of a beer bottle and smash the rest on someone's head.
DarkSkullCat 0
LMAO! I almost fell out of my chair laughing. I'd love to have seen that; best FML I've read all night! FYL 'cuz you weren't really asking for it.
Maxine17 8
What is Black Friday? Sounds like some kind of day appointed for Afro Carribbeans.
soccergirl09 0
Um, no. Black Friday is the Friday after Thanksgiving.
Mandog222 0
They joined WW one and WW two because they knew if Germany was going to take over europe they would be next.
Mandog222 0
America mostly donates money to improve its global reputation and it's the same thing for going to war. And why are we talking about this shouldn't comments be about the FML.
Ninjaface 0
Wow, this fml would make a great Monty Python skit, which is appropriate since the author is British.