Love: Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our five-year anniversary.... - FML

By Anonymous - 21/12/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our five-year anniversary. I got him a new flat-screen TV. He got me toilet seat cover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 051

You deserved it 4 673

Cars and cards

This is 100% accurate

White collar crime

Nice choice

By walken away - 25/06/2020 23:00

Spicy

Today I had the dirtiest, kinkiest, most vividly realistic sex dream of my life. I was getting it on with Christopher Walken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249

You deserved it 331

So I got that goin' for me, which is nice...

By Notadrugdealer - 07/12/2017 15:00

Today, I was just browsing Facebook when my friend sent me a GoFundMe link. Someone wrote a page saying I killed myself and that we need money for funeral services. People are actually donating to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 528

You deserved it 339

By Anonymous - 25/03/2012 17:21 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 268

You deserved it 4 348

By turnedoff - 18/06/2012 01:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I kindly asked my boyfriend to shave his pubic hair to make oral sex more enjoyable for me. He declined, saying, "Think of it as flossing your teeth. I'm doing you a much needed favor." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 472

You deserved it 5 827

Dealbreaker

By Nico - 26/05/2021 14:01

Spicy

Today, after going on a date with my girlfriend, we ended up having sex at her flat. When she took off her panties, I took a glance and saw poop stains on them. It turned me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 170

You deserved it 253

Hide and Seek

By Hide -n- Seek - 16/11/2019 20:00 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, someone left a note on the front door saying "Let's play Hide and Seek". Who ever left the note apparently took my tires off my truck and scattered them. So far, I found one in my pool, and 2 outside my neighborhood. I still can't find the last one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 335

You deserved it 133

By Anonymous - 18/04/2012 19:18 - United Kingdom - Eynsham

Spicy

Today, I attempted to wax my "lady area". It hurt more than losing my virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 999

You deserved it 9 860

By Anonymous - 19/01/2012 14:17 - Canada

Today, there was a big snow storm and I wanted to help shovel, so I put on 3 pairs of socks, 2 pairs of pants, 2 winter coats, 2 pairs of gloves, a hat and a scarf. Once outside, I was told to go back inside because the job was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 024

You deserved it 32 945

By Anonymous - 30/03/2013 05:23 - United States

Today, I texted a girl I met at the bar last night. She accused me of being "fake" because she couldn't find me on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, then threatened to call the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 745

You deserved it 3 436

Yeet the feet

By SalonGirl - 10/03/2009 11:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at work and a very obese woman came in to get a pedicure. When she took her shoes off I noticed an odd black substance on her feet. I started scrubbing it off and wondered out loud, "What IS this stuff??" As a chunk of it fell onto my lip, she replied, "Girl, that's just the fungus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 113 025

You deserved it 7 232

By Erica - 08/07/2013 17:27 - United States - Mountain View

Today, my boyfriend and I were out cliff jumping, when for the first time, he told me he loved me. I panicked and pushed him over the edge and into the water. He's now in hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 610

You deserved it 72 401

Leave us alone!

By J.. - 27/04/2021 17:01

Today, I've been receiving a lot of calls from my telephone company, offering combo packages with internet, Netflix, Disney+ and whatever the fuck. We had previously resigned from their services, because the company never had the intention of fixing an outage that was caused BY THE SAME COMPANY. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 54

Crossed Animal

By NotCool - 19/01/2021 19:57 - United States - Midlothian

Today, just like every other day, my mom has prioritized doing chores and chatting with her neighbors above even talking to me. This would be fine, if it wasn't in Animal Crossing. Apparently, a lifestyle video game is more important than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 102

That's a hard no from me, dawg

By soontobesingle - 19/03/2013 11:30 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, I found out that my gorgeous, smart, perfect new boyfriend has an unusual fetish. It doesn't involve me at all actually. Just a Labrador. This is probably a deal breaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 991

You deserved it 4 980

By etsl - 26/10/2008 12:07 - France

Today, I've learnt that the girl I love thinks I'm gay. To be honest, I'm having doubts too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 262

You deserved it 15 321

By uglychick - 05/09/2009 17:29 - Canada

Today, my brother came out of the shower and sat with my mom and me on the couch. He then says he liked the idea of the extra toothbrush in the shower, it helps him clean between his toes. I have been using that to brush my teeth for the last two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 709

You deserved it 9 711

By Lord_Nick - 04/02/2016 03:13 - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, while I was taking a shit, a guy went into the next stall and narrated what he was doing in song. I'm still traumatized by his lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 817

You deserved it 1 695

By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 17:31 - United States

Today, I camped outside of a Best Buy to guarantee I'd get a cheap Blu Ray player. My friend who got there five minutes after they opened also managed to get one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 333

You deserved it 41 136

By Austyn - 18/02/2011 07:55

Today, I brought home a ukulele I had just bought. Excited, I showed my dad. He then looked at me, smirked, and said "Just like everything else you have, it's a bit smaller than normal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 498

You deserved it 5 544

By none - 22/08/2013 04:27 - United States - San Antonio

Spicy

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 234

You deserved it 8 785

By OhDear - 25/05/2011 01:34 - United States

Today, I went to a friend's wedding. While I was holding my four year old son, he managed to unclip the back of my dress and give the whole church a show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 366

You deserved it 4 825

By Fred - 20/03/2015 01:06 - United States - Kingston

Spicy

Today, I gave my friend condoms since he didn't have any and he was planning on "getting lucky." Little did I know he was planning on "getting lucky" with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 546

You deserved it 5 788

By Anonymous - 09/08/2014 15:43 - India - Mumbai

Spicy

Today, I found a piece of erotic fiction on my brother's computer. It involved two lesbian teenagers, who just so happened to have the same names and physical descriptions as my sister and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 547

You deserved it 4 524

Nice, thanks

By sweetnan - 28/08/2013 01:29 - Chile - Santiago

Today, I finally accepted my grandma's friend request on Facebook. I commented on a family photo album she'd uploaded, joking that the quality would greatly improve once she added pictures of me. My comment was met with, "Shut up you sewage rat". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 223

You deserved it 8 320

By off the family - 17/06/2018 20:30

Today, my daughter apparently have had enough of my mother-in-law's favoritism and constant bashing at me by going: "Grandma, might I highly recommend death at this point." She's 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 360

You deserved it 369

Kids say the dumbest things…

By Marymary - 27/08/2019 20:00

Today, my cousins and I were walking past bars, choosing one go to. I recently got my hair cut short and thought it was cute. A little boy walking beside us looked at me and said, "Are you a boy?" His mother shushed him and said, "No dear, she's just flat-chested." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 593

You deserved it 254

By notamathematician - 07/03/2010 10:27 - United States

Today, I told my mom I was 3 months pregnant, expecting her to be happy. Instead, she screamed that I was no longer her daughter and she never wanted to see me again before throwing me out of her house, because I got pregnant out of wedlock. Nice math mom. I've been married for 5 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 490

You deserved it 2 778

By sweet pea - 22/09/2016 21:48 - Canada - Red Lake

Today, my mom told me she wouldn't be able to leave my middle-aged brother at home for Christmas in order to meet her first grandchild. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 310

You deserved it 863

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 10:04 - Australia - Brunswick

Today, I ran into a new guy at work who told me the regional manager was visiting today to evaluate the staff. I scoffed and said that everything I'd heard about the manager made him seem like a total prick. His reply? "Maybe, but I'm a prick who can FIRE people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 276

You deserved it 27 052

By grandson of a p.o.s. - 14/03/2013 22:04 - United States - Somers

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 080

You deserved it 2 953

By WasNotAdopted - 28/04/2015 13:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom told me that if I wanted to commit suicide, I should make it seem like a car accident, and not do it in the house, because she would be too embarrassed if people thought she was a bad parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 044

You deserved it 2 993

By andjusticeforall - 15/02/2009 13:28 - United States

Today, I ran over a beer bottle which popped my car tire, which then caused me to swerve into a police cruiser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 566

You deserved it 4 417

Creepy

By lilmatchgirl - 04/05/2021 00:59 - United States - Godley

Today, during a Zoom meeting, my 6 year-old daughter comes into my office, bloody all over, acting like nothing's wrong. She looks me dead in the eye and says, "Matilda's dead," and just walks out. Matilda is the neighbor's chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 321

You deserved it 120

A for effort

By NotsexyEnough - 23/11/2009 03:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 393

You deserved it 6 460

Dog whisperer

By J……… - 16/10/2020 02:02

Today, my new dog broke out of his new crate, ate my door, pissed on the floor, and trashed my room. I got him to help with my anxiety, but all he does is give me more anxiety. The worst part is that I adopted him as a favor to a friend, because she couldn’t handle him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 1 075

By Anonymous - 07/11/2013 17:12 - Ireland

Today, I was pouring boiling water into a cup, and I accidentally spilled it all over my hand. My mother responded by slapping me for getting water everywhere. My hand is scorched red, but thanks, I love you too, mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 610

You deserved it 4 024

By killmenow - 21/02/2011 01:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex while his parents were out. They came home early, ran upstairs and knocked on the door. Scrambling to find our clothes, we gave up and just hid under the blankets. They barge in, drunk and laughing, and tried ripping the covers off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 677

You deserved it 8 850

By Anonymous - 11/03/2015 18:43 - United States

Today, I finally accepted I need help with my anxiety issues. I started small and I joined a support forum and wrote a post. I was quickly called a troll by multiple users, accused of faking it, and told to "fuck off back to Tumblr" because they wouldn't believe my anxiety is really so serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 883

You deserved it 3 777

Packed in

By BackHurts - 16/07/2021 00:01 - Canada

Today, I paid $140 extra to get more comfort during a flight. The man behind me was so tall that his legs didn't let me recline the seat, and complained every time I tried to during the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 196

By jaqlove - 02/07/2016 20:28 - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 949

You deserved it 2 627

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Top comments

thinecowgoesmoo 0

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Monday 21 December 2009 9:09

Shitty. Hehehe.

alexandraa_fml 0

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Monday 21 December 2009 9:11

I hope it wasn't one of those padded ones that squishes out air when you sit down.. gah, those are so gross. edit: I read it wrong.. A cover? wtf. FYL OP, what a strange gift.

Comments

BrownSugar_fml 5

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Monday 21 December 2009 9:08

sad! 1st?

JustAReaderOfFml 4

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Monday 21 December 2009 11:29

LUCKYYYY CONGRATS DUMBASS

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 18:50

that sucks... but be grateful. at least he didn't forget.

thinecowgoesmoo 0

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Monday 21 December 2009 9:09

Shitty. Hehehe.

alexandraa_fml 0

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Monday 21 December 2009 9:11

I hope it wasn't one of those padded ones that squishes out air when you sit down.. gah, those are so gross. edit: I read it wrong.. A cover? wtf. FYL OP, what a strange gift.

waterynuggets 0

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Monday 21 December 2009 9:24

Hahah I hate those padded ones, too, ick. I can't remember which relative of mine had one but I never wanted to go over there again.

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Sunday 24 January 2010 10:32

I say you should have been more thoughtful what kind of gf gets her bf a TV? A toilet seat cover is somthing you will use every day (hopefully)

_lifemyfuck_ 11

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Tuesday 22 March 2016 9:16

I like the squishy ones (x they're comfy and don't make you FREEZE YOUR HOLE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING

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Monday 21 December 2009 9:12

That's rude. Wait until your married. Leave now.

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Wednesday 25 August 2010 0:40

Ya what 4 said, so you can date me :D I would love a flatscreen tv

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Monday 21 December 2009 9:17

That sucks. At least he remembered though lol

repyourcliche 0

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Monday 21 December 2009 17:22

*mimics phoebe from friends* TOILET SEAT COVERS?!?!?!?!?!

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Monday 21 December 2009 9:18

Damn. Can't even YDI this one since it was a 5 year relationship... unless last year and the year before that were just as pathetic, in which case you probably should have learned your lesson by now.

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Monday 21 December 2009 9:20

chop off his foreskin

Spyingcheeseman 8

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Monday 10 February 2014 13:32

not only is that fucked up in everyway but its also illegal. and who is to say he hasn't already snipped the tip.

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Monday 21 December 2009 9:20

Well....it's the thought that counts? For our 5th, I got him a stuffed giraffe (took me ages to find a nice one) and he bought me a One Piece (anime) shirt. Gifts don't have to be expensive to be full of love.

KarelessKitten 0

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Monday 21 December 2009 9:24

why would u get him something as expensive as a flat screen tv for an anniversary? of course, everything is going to pale in comparison. im sorry, but u just sound shallow and materialistic.

kaleid0scopeEyes 0

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Monday 21 December 2009 14:24

There's always one person who has to start the "OMG UR SO SHALLOW AND SELFISH!!111" bandwagon. "My parents abandoned me and I was raised by wolves and I got a dead squirrel for my 16th birthday and YOU THINK YOU HAVE IT BAD?!?!?!?!!?"

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Tuesday 22 December 2009 4:07

I want to ride the "your so shallow bandwagon too! It's the thought that counts. I must conclude that the amount of time the OP spends on the can is proportional to the time her BF spends in front of the TV and therefore we have equally thoughtful gifts.

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Monday 21 December 2009 9:37

HA! thats hilarious but wat did u expect were u complainin' to him earlier about the toilet seat in ur house cause' that would explain but if u werent then FYL

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 9

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 990

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 1 147