Today, I was down the pub with a mate and we got onto the subject of bar fights. I said I thought being glassed wouldn't actually hurt that much. My friend looks at me, calmly finishes his pint and then swiftly smashes his glass over my head. Turns out I was wrong. And we got kicked out. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I went to my favorite bar after work for a drink. On my way to the porch out back, I didn't realize the sliding glass door was shut, and walked straight into it. I was stone cold sober, but the bartender refused to believe me, and cut me off before my first beer. FML
Today, while at a local bar, my friends and I were approached by an overly intoxicated man who asked us each politely if we wanted to fight. Thinking it was a joke, I said yes. It wasn't a joke, I now have a broken nose and a black eye. FML
Today, my friend got drunk. We tried to get him into a cab, he punched me in the face, three chavs then accosted me, accusing me of trying to mug him. I was then beaten up by said chavs and then the police charged me for being drunk and disorderly. FML
Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML
Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
Today, my friend dared me to break a liquor bottle on my head. I slammed it into my head so hard I got dizzy, then did it a SECOND time and knocked myself out so hard that I pissed and shat myself. My head hurts really badly. FML
Today, whilst presenting a report to the head of my college, I was arrested by a police officer for assault. I was in a bar the night before and accidentally bumped into a local tough guy on the way to the toilet. I got punched in the face. The witnesses got our names mixed up. That'll look great on my CV. FML
Today, my friends showed me a video of me blind drunk last night, getting into a fight with my front door. The door won, unlike my face. FML
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Top comments
mhm_megann 0
i woleheartedly enjoyed how english that fml was!
xd0rkiee 0
Why would you even think that? Yes, pieces of glass flying onto you and cutting your face TOTALLY does not hurt.
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Comments (99)
expen_dable 0
I love how some people say "most OTHER Americans" and "THOSE Americans" like they are somehow above their fellow American counterparts. Here is a good rule of thumb: if you are overweight and think its OK (and call thin people "nasty anorexic bitches" or blame a "glandular problem") then you are one of the ignorant Americans. If you agree with anything Glenn Beck says, then you are an ignorant American. If you think The Hills is a meaningful and good show, you are an ignorant American.
Residence_fml 4
You can kill someone by smashing a glass on his head you know
Thoureau 0
Hear hear. We're the same "ignorant Americans" that just so happened to save Europe twice. Do I advocate everything Americans do? No, and frankly, I'm ashamed of a lot of the stupid crap that you only hear happening here and only here, such as camping out in front of stores on Black Friday and ostensibly stupid people whose highest form of education is watching the TV. That doesn't mean that I should not support America for all the good things that it does, such as its many inventions and willingness to help other countries. Back to the topic, how can you not think getting hit with glass hurts. Do you also happen to think that getting acid thrown into your face wouldn't hurt as well?
PyroDeath19 0
#11 it could be Aussie, we say glassed and mate all the time, it was on the news that people were getting glassed while at a pub with their mates a while back btw anyway, OP shouldve Been a bit smarter to think getting ur head smashed with a glas wouldn't hurt is retarded (no offence) but his mate is a total wanker FHL for getting kicked out and glassed
blastvortex 4
If you don't want to be treated like you're stupid, OP, then don't say stupid things. YDI. I'll bet that made your friend's day though. I know it made mine.
arabowner20 0
If you think America is the best country in the world, then you are an ignorant American. Had to say it. Flame on! ;)
Malinkrot 3
Actually it was Zimmerman who told Mexico that they could have Arizona, New Mexico and Texas if Germany won World War ONE. The telegram that said this got intercepted by Britain, and then leaked to the US public. Hitler didn't come around until World War TWO. Russia was the main reason that Hitler failed, but a little event called D-Day helped too. America had a policy of non-interference which was first suggested by George Washington. It wasn't like the American citizens just stood around laughing at Europe until something happened to them. Plus, America is kind of separated by this thing called the Atlantic Ocean, and it was MUCH harder to mobilize troops back then. It took at least a year from when America decided to join the war until their troops actually were able to get there. I bet you complain about America not jumping in the second they heard War back in the early 20th century, but now complain about America being too involved in global affairs like Iraq.
elayney 0
Well, actually, the US donates a lot of money as foreign aid assistance to the UN, which goes to many countries that the US doesn't give a shit about. The US has an entire federal agency on foreign aids. And we might not be giving as much as we had originally promised, but at least we are, and your "America doesn't help other countries" point is defeated. Also, I see you're from London. Please. As if Britain doesn't make stupid mistakes, and have stupidly chauvinistic people. And now, may I point out the difference between being proud of your country and being a chauvinistic pig?
bds0688 0
So the people who are insulting all Americans off of a couple stereotypes are different from Americans doing the same...how? I certainly don't like the majority of the American population, but do not act like your country is free of pompous assholes or morons. OP doesn't deserve to have glass broken over his head. It was an off-hand comment, probably just something that popped in his head. Just because one thinks something doesn't mean they want to try it out.
Aska_fml 0
That sounds like fun!