Today, whilst presenting a report to the head of my college, I was arrested by a police officer for assault. I was in a bar the night before and accidentally bumped into a local tough guy on the way to the toilet. I got punched in the face. The witnesses got our names mixed up. That'll look great on my CV. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my friend got drunk. We tried to get him into a cab, he punched me in the face, three chavs then accosted me, accusing me of trying to mug him. I was then beaten up by said chavs and then the police charged me for being drunk and disorderly. FML
Today, I'm recovering from being pepper-sprayed, beat with a baton and Tased, and arrested for assault. I'm a bouncer and was trying to remove a drunk asshole from the bar when the police showed up. FML
Today, I got punched in the face, had hair ripped out of my skull and broke a tooth on the pavement when I fell. Some guy mistook me for someone else. FML
Today, I was not yet wearing my bouncer uniform when a fight broke out at a club. I intervened, only to have the cops who showed up tase me because they thought I was part of it. FML
Today, a customer at work became violent and started hitting me and my coworker. Not wanting him to get the shit beat out of us, I used a move that pinned the guy on the ground. The police came and he was arrested. I was then fired for assaulting a customer. FML
Today, I woke up in hospital after a night of heavy drinking. My friends told me I was beat up by the doorman. After going to the club to watch the security footage, it was revealed I actually fell on my face trying to fight, and caused more damage to myself. FML
Today, I got questioned by the police. Last night I was at a party when a bully of a kid who happened to be an aspiring MMA coach and local fighter was picking on me, stole my alcohol and threw me out of the party. I heard he got stabbed by someone else he was picking on after I left. The police insist it was me. FML
Today, I got tackled by a bouncer in a club and handed to police for spiking my date's drink. It was an ice cube. I'd asked the barman for some ice cubes, which I put in both my drink and hers, and someone assumed I was slipping her a roofie and reported me. FML
Today, someone was getting beat up by 6 guys. When I tried to help, they had a swing at me as well. The cops came when I was enthusiastically defending myself. They got away, I got arrested. FML
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
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Top comments
stig53kr 0
A CV is short for curriculum vitae or more commonly known as a résumé.
notmuch 0
Wait what? Who pressed the charges if not you?
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Comments (56)
Helinacoustic 0
WTF? I don't know about this one...
24788 7
What? Go explain yourself.
plexico 4
You're lucky he didn't urinate or defecate on you. Don't screw with people on their way to the crapper!
rukusrazor 0
Now you'll meet a different tough guy, your new boyfriend / cell mate.
notmuch 0
Wait what? Who pressed the charges if not you?
tehman117 21
The state probably.
Rainman1310 0
I would think that the mark on your face would be enough to prove YOU were the one who got hit.
H3avy 0
HAHAHA NUMBER 4! wow you better go find those witnesses!
BaldOuting 0
if you got punched why weren't you the one to file the police report? then there would be no mix up on the names.
Curtieeeez 0
Niiiiice.
sportsnut 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
you completely deserved that one. Why the hell were you at the bar the night before a big presentation to the head of your college? If you're going to go out when you have something big the next day, go to somewhere that isn't a college bar where stupid shit like that happens.
Divine_Mamma 11
He could've just stopped in to use the bathroom