Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML
Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML
Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML
Today, away at college, I called my grandmother to hear how she was doing after her knee surgery. She ended up talking about Hooters and how I should work there because of my "rare body". When I mentioned I've been studying computer science, earning a 3.8 GPA, she replied, "But you're a girl." FML
Today, I was feeling really down and insecure after a friend joked about how small my boobs are. When my grandma got me to tell her what happened, she reassured me that all the girls in our family were late bloomers. I said "Really?" and she replied, "Oh no dear. Quite the opposite." FML
Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML
Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML
Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML
Today, my grandmother told me that if I didn’t get my act together, especially regarding a job, my relationship with my girlfriend would fizzle out. This is after I've already applied for 3 jobs. I told her respectfully that our relationship isn’t her business, and she threatened to kick me out of the house. FML
Today, my grandma and I went shopping. When I picked up some shower gel, she started ranting in front of everyone that shower gel injures one's "lady parts" and causes infertility, and that she wants me to give her great-grandchildren. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
GingerNinja7 17
Troll granny strikes again
CommunistBanana 8
What is up with these grannies on FML?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (111)
floup_fml 13
don't listen to them. People can achieve amazing things if they wish to. Now try your best and prove that granny how wrong she is.
sniken 14
Everyone is good at something, find your thing! What you want and try to achieve you will eventually achieve! Positive thinking helps along the way aswell, forget about your family's stupid attitude.
AngrySailor 17
Life definitely wants to screw her. OP, Just make sure you get dinner first and maybe occasional eye contact during. And heads up, it's not going to be gentle.
Enslaved 38
Bull shit! There are some guys that prefer small boobs.
Jenn50 19
It's weird, when I read granny's quote, I didn't assume they were small; just unpleasantly shaped.
BigDogMatt 13
Do you have the attributes? Lol j/k. I know the feeling though, my family is like that
Scattertom 12
Don't worry, you don't need big **** for ****. Haha.
grumpybr 13
This is so wrong! Don't let them bring you down. It hurts to hear that from the ones who are supposed to encourage you to succeed.
perdix 31
Show Granny a bunch of Sasha Grey videos. She's got tiny ****, but she's got a cult following. If you can deep-throat, **** is still a viable option for you. Best of luck!
ZombieSazza 34
Wow, nice to see that your family are supportive. Talk to a careers advisor, they'll be able to help you a lot more than your family.
ophel1a 7
pshhh, there is totally a niche for small-breasted women in ****. there's a fetish for everything, really. so. you know. you have that as a last resort still. stupid grandma ;P