Today, I was discharged from the hospital after having scrotal surgery. When I got home, the anesthetic had worn off, but I felt okay. Then my dog jumped up at me, paws slamming straight into my nuts. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was lying in bed recovering from a laparoscopy with my dog laying next to me. I fell asleep and later awoke to a burning pain on my incisions. My dog had decided the stitches would be fun to chew on. FML
Today, after a stay at the hospital for two broken legs, I finally got home and attempted to relax. My dad went to hand me the remote and dropped it right on my nuts. FML
Today, I was finally able to come home after 4 months in a hospital recovering from brain surgery and physical therapy. While taking a walk around the neighborhood, my new neighbor's Rottweiler ran after me. I tripped while running, got bit, and went back to the hospital for stitches. FML
Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to tease my dog by standing above her and hitting each of her paws repeatedly. My dog thought it would be fun to jump up and bite at my chest whilst I wasn't wearing a shirt. I just spent four hours in hospital getting my nipple sewn back on. FML
Today, I came home on crutches. My dog was immediately afraid of them, and came running towards me, growling and barking. She ran right into me, knocking me over. FML
Today, my dog used my stomach as a trampoline to jump onto the couch. I wouldn't have minded so much if I wasn't still recovering from having my appendix removed. FML
Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML
Today, I took my dog to the vet. Wanting to seem like a responsible owner, I lifted him onto the exam table. My back then cracked loudly, I dropped him, and he ran straight into a trash can. The vet sighed and asked, “Rough day for both of you?” FML
Today, I went to the emergency room. Apparently, when your ex-girlfriend hits you in the nuts with a bat, it can do some damage. FML
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Top comments
alstbv12 13
I swear my dogs aim for my balls when they jump...I think it's retribution for having their balls chopped off.
perdix 31
You shouldn't have trained it to fetch balls.
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Comments (128)
perdix 31
You shouldn't have trained it to fetch balls.
sailoroftheseas 7
lmf is fml spelled backwards
kcor1176 0
Lmfao
Sinsation 7
The downside of unconditional love from pets. With or without anesthetics, that's gotta suck.
ManInTheMachine 20
I think my balls shrunk a little after reading this...ouch! Your dog is obviously checking to see that you still have feeling down there! He just has his priorities straight.
SkoomaKi 28
Shrunk a little bit? Mine are so far up, I can feel them in my stomach.
Demonfish 14
I see no bright side here, none, at all... It is sad :(
Sai_Run614 7
Cup check!!
Spectre529 12
Dog doesn't deserve a bone now?
hockeyoceancity 13
I don't know what way to take that lmao. but seems to me the dog loves OP's bone.
br0ccoli 15
"I like red, bouncy balls. Woof."
SqueakyChipmunk 22
"Too bad I'm colorblind. Woof."
br0ccoli 15
"I am a dog of superior color recognition-- Woof."
SqueakyChipmunk 22
"We're talking dogs, so that's pretty damn valid-- OH SHIT, A CAT! WOOFEOOFWOOFWOOF!"
SqueakyChipmunk 22
You got me neutered; I just got payback, ************. Your xbox is next!