By Anonymous - Netherlands - Bergeyk

Cheap-ass lying bro-bro!

Today, I found out my boyfriend is booking my dream vacation to Bali with his brothers, 6 months after he told me we couldn't go on vacation this year because he doesn’t have the money. They planned this within a week. I had been planning it with him for months. FML

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Dementia or hate? You decide

It's not unusual

Management

By fox_at_heart - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I found out my father has been saving money to help me buy my first car. In the same conversation, I found out my mother, unbeknownst to my dad, used nearly all of the money to bail my drunken, deadbeat uncle out of jail for the 4th time a month ago. He is now back in prison. FML

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By Jakesssss - United States - Hudson

Today, I showed a kid how to knock somebody out for self defense. He then knocked me unconscious with the same method I'd just showed him. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2020 17:01

Nutritious

Today, I caught my dog “cleaning” the cat’s litter box. He won’t be giving me any kisses anytime soon. FML

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By fatty - United States

Today, my friend was complaining about how fat she was. To make her feel better I said, "Psh, you're not fat! In fact we're about the same weight!" She looked at me for a second, then burst into tears sobbing, "I'm fat! I'm fat!" FML

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By Sarah - United States

Today, instead of the traditional midnight kiss, my husband handed me divorce papers. FML

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By FBI1236 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, I finally stood up for myself and beat the crap out of a bully at school, as my father told me to do. The kid and I were called to the principal's office, along with our parents. Inside my father's smirk faded when he saw that the kid's mom was his boss. FML

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By devil neighbours - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I'm living in a house share with a passive-aggressive middle-aged couple who leave rude notes around the house and yet pretend I don't exist when they happen to be in the same room as me. I'm in no position to get rid of them or move myself. FML

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By Guess I'm not getting laid - United States - Glasgow

Today, as things were finally heating up with a guy I'm interested in, his ex-girlfriend from two months ago called. Guess who's pregnant and guess who's still in a seven-month dry spell. FML

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By Laura - United States

Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/7/2020 05:00

What?

Today, I found out that my hearing is average for a 60-year-old. I'm 30. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, mine and my boyfriend's concerns that we are too loud in bed were definitely confirmed when his entire family stopped the movie they were watching and vacated the cinema room located directly below us. They returned and resumed a while after we were finished. FML

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By WTF Lady?

Rod Stewart was wrong

Today, I was walking down my street when a girl came up behind me and started yelling about me being a slut. When she saw I was the wrong person, she continued to yell at me because I have blonde hair. FML

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By lindaf

Today, I made roast beef with mashed potatoes and green beans for dinner. My 8-year-old daughter was crying and gagging the whole time, and eventually said between sobs, "Can't you just beat me and send me to bed hungry instead?" I have no clue where she got that idea from. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, after finally getting rid of an extremely rude, abusive customer, I muttered that I could kill people like her. I didn't know my manager had heard me, until a pair of police officers arrived. He'd reported me for "threatening to murder a customer". FML

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By Annoyed - United States - Panama City Beach

Today, one of my students stole my wallet. I teach kindergarten. FML

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By Jason Brazil

Hypochondriacs of the world unite!

Today, I was woken up at 2 in the morning by my wife frantically saying something about her having scabies, and that I had to take her to the ER. It turned out to be eczema. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML

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By reconnect - United States

Today, Facebook told me I should reconnect with my husband. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

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By back to creepers - United Kingdom - Worcester

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via a sign he made in front of my Minecraft house. FML

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By raidered - United States

Today, my three year old nephew was pointing at the TV screen and saying "Uncle, Uncle!" He thought it was me on the screen. It was Rosie O'Donnell. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2020 21:02 - United States - Kirkland

Just a prank, bro!

Today my brother disconnected my internet and made my task bar disappear. I spent 2 hours trying to fix it, when I figured out I just had to restart the computer. Now I'm a little behind on assignments. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I'd stayed up all night to finish a detailed report. By the time I'd printed it I was late for work so I jumped in my car. Driving down the street, I saw my papers fly off the roof of my car. It was raining out. FML

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By

I am clumsy!

Today my girlfriend was on top during sex. I went to slap her butt, missed and nailed myself in the balls. We had to stop. She wouldn't stop laughing. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I ate dinner sitting on the floor. My petty roommate got pissed off during the weekend and decided the appropriate action would be to lock all the furniture in her room and refuse to give it back. FML

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By Jill - United States

Today, I went into the women's bathroom and was warmly greeted by a man masturbating on one of the sinks. FML

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By generic_name123 - United States - Washington

Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams' phone number. After texting her "Hey, is this Stephanie?" I got response saying "Sorry bro, I know how you feel, she did the same thing to me." FML

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By Plume - France

Today, it's my birthday. My ex just sent me a text. I read it, happy he had remembered. He wanted me to know he has a new girlfriend. FML

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By sadkid - United States

Today, my mom called me a bastard, told me I should run away, and said I don't deserve to live in her house. All because I didn't use a plate when I ate a Poptart. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2021 21:27 - India - Bangalore

Jack of all trades…

Today, I'm a generalist with moderate knowledge of multiple domains, but since I'm not a specialist in any, I'm not getting a job. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Laying eggs!

Today, I've has a constant feeling like something is moving in my ear. I'm a severe arachnaphobic, and my dad is trying to convince me a spider is in my ear laying eggs. FML

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By colebear - United States

Today, I went to hand in a job application, and the supervisor wanted to ask me a few questions. I was nervous so I kept touching the fabric on a nearby display table. Only after I left did my friend tell me it was a pantie display, and that I was fondling underwear. FML

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By FuckedByLife - United Kingdom - Bridgend

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend of two years was cheating on me. How? His other girlfriend crashed her car into mine and had him pick her up. FML

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By what sex life? - United States - Nashville

Today, while in the shower with my boyfriend, I tried to heat things up by washing his knob with my loofa. He couldn't stop laughing and eventually laughed so hard that he slipped and fell. He now has a bruised butt while I have a missing toenail from catching his fall. Ouch. FML

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By Dang - United States - Freeport

Today, I was in class with a water bottle on my desk. I was on my phone not paying attention, when some girl knocked it over by accident. I went to grab it, even though it was in the corner of my eye. I caught the bottle of water but I also happened to grab her ass at the same time. FML

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By juggalomurderer59 - United States

Today, at the gym, some muscle head idiot started yelling at the treadmill for not going fast enough, and I muttered "roid rage". Apparently said roids give him superhuman hearing, because he heard me from the other side of the room, and threatened to kill me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I cleaned my house after a big party. Everything was great when my parents came home. Except for the bottle of hot and spicy mustard next to the shampoo in the shower. No one knows how it got there. I'm busted because of mustard. FML

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By Oh hello there

Today, I accidentally left my Nintendo 3DS at the barbershop, so I rushed back to get it. The 60-year-old barber had destroyed it with a hammer, saying it was a weapon of the devil. I was gone 5 minutes. FML

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By Mad Munki

Today, I went on the best date of my life with someone I’ve admired for a very long time. On the car ride home, she vomited all over my lap and informed me that she’s moving across the country next week. FML

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By inhaler -.- - United States - Huntsville

Today, it was my first time having a make out session with my boyfriend. I got so nervous that a few minutes into it, I had to stop to take my inhaler. This happened twice more afterwards. FML

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Top comments

By Mathalamus | 24

#7888504 - Tuesday 10 March 2020 5:20

Maybe his brothers have the money?

By phildathrill83 | 4

#7888629 - Tuesday 10 March 2020 16:49

ex*-boyfriend

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7888498 - Tuesday 10 March 2020 4:40

Bros before hos.

By Mathalamus | 24

#7888504 - Tuesday 10 March 2020 5:20

Maybe his brothers have the money?

Reply

Seeya55 | 31

#7888602 - Tuesday 10 March 2020 12:51

I'm going to assume this too, or that they're pitching in a LOT to help pay. Cheapo/scummy on his part because he knows it's your favorite place and hes going without you, but if it were anywhere else with his brothers would it still be bad? If it were you two, would you both be dishing out a lot more money to take the trip? Save up and go with a girlfriend yourself! :D

By themothhasspoke | 6

#7888579 - Tuesday 10 March 2020 10:36

I bet hes gunna surprise you with a trip

Reply

spinspinsugar | 12

#7888723 - Wednesday 11 March 2020 1:11

idky your comment got 2 thumbs down, that would be very sweet if he surprised her

By ojoRojo | 27

#7888613 - Tuesday 10 March 2020 13:34

If he doesn’t surprise you and at least take you along, dump his ass.

By phildathrill83 | 4

#7888629 - Tuesday 10 March 2020 16:49

ex*-boyfriend

By Soultaker696 | 7

#7888669 - Tuesday 10 March 2020 20:01

maybe they fronted the money?

By Susan Yee | 9

#7888689 - Tuesday 10 March 2020 21:50

Maybe their parents paid for it?

By circuitboynm | 8

#7888690 - Tuesday 10 March 2020 21:51

Sounds like the beginning of ‘Midsommar’.

By jmilam90 | 9

#7888692 - Tuesday 10 March 2020 21:56

When he comes back with Cronovirus, you can tell him that he deserves it.

By Jillian Cosby-Kelly | 15

#7888709 - Wednesday 11 March 2020 0:02

big red flag there.... sounds like you need a new partner.