Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my son took a nap quietly for the first time ever. As I went to wake him up, I realized why. A previously poop-filled diaper came flying at me when I opened the door. FML
Today, the little boy I nanny for finally stood up and went 'pee-pee on the potty'. I started cheering and clapping, making a big deal out of it. I flushed while he smiled proudly and pooped on the floor. FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML
Today, I accidentally scared my one year-old son with my huge, smelly fart that was really loud. He now won't come near me without crying. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year-old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML
Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML
Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML
Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML
Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML
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Top comments
Codezlol 21
The joys of parenthood and cleaning poop!
s0m3guy2010 21
That's a pretty useful skill actually. Who needs laxatives when you can just clap your hands?
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Comments (92)
skyeyez9 25
My daughter usually waited till about 30 seconds after I changed her diaper and put her clothes back on to take a shit.
scr_sensei 14
And now your child has to live with the inevitable horror of hearing this story of his first word for the rest of his life.
Calyx_fml 22
You gave your son the clap.
mskimbelinapham 5
My baby cousin's first word is my name! ;) lol
Oceanlondon 5
at least you were prepared xD
SS 31
If I was told this story of me doing this I wouldn't be embarrassed by it; I would just laugh at it. After all, we were all babies once, and we can't help it. Also, be thankful for changing matts eh (presuming you were using one). it could be worse; I know a baby who twice pissed all over his mum while having his nappy changed.
AnnaMarieGoodson 3
lol okay milf.
worldclassrager 41
I really hope that wasn't on what you were changing him on depending on that it may be okie or horrible...
hateevryone 15
This doesn't even need to be on here.
Negroification 7
Americans will clap at anything. Americans clap in the weirdest situations. I've seen them do it in movies, at the grocery store, at KFC. What is it with you guys and clapping?