Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my son took a nap quietly for the first time ever. As I went to wake him up, I realized why. A previously poop-filled diaper came flying at me when I opened the door. FML
Today, the little boy I nanny for finally stood up and went 'pee-pee on the potty'. I started cheering and clapping, making a big deal out of it. I flushed while he smiled proudly and pooped on the floor. FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML
Today, I accidentally scared my one year-old son with my huge, smelly fart that was really loud. He now won't come near me without crying. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year-old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML
Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML
Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML
Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML
Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML
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Top comments
Codezlol 21
The joys of parenthood and cleaning poop!
s0m3guy2010 21
That's a pretty useful skill actually. Who needs laxatives when you can just clap your hands?
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Comments (92)
Kallian_fml 21
Now that horrible experience is embedded in his brain. Every time someone claps, he'll be rushing to the bathroom. Congratulations OP. *claps*
bulbul116_fml 4
lol poor baby..
loloalltheway 23
Sooo cute !!!
reject214 10
Don't get that kid The Clapper for his room! Hey, who remembers that device?
lexiieeex3 32
Lol aww poor baby!
lexiieeex3 32
Whoops didn't see 42
wholikesbacon 9
Dam OP! Well, at Least your son said something!
DylansMomma 9
Your comment : I wouldn't really consider this a FML. That's just another day in the life of motherhood.
snafu63 0
so you don't put the clean diaper under the child while you clean his ass? or at least a bath towel? nice job ydi
HaileyBeth16 1
She never said she didn't....
lelo007 11
52- I have never heard of putting a clean diaper down until AFTER the child is cleaned. Why would you risk throwing away 2 diapers rather than 1? Poop and poop on stuff comes with the territory of having a baby.
snafu63 0
I'd rather risk throwing away 2 diapers than get shit on my carpet, bed or other surface that the baby may be on. And I am fully aware that getting crap on stuff is inevitable when you have a baby doesn't mean you can't take precautions.
SamanthaCassieL 10
Congrats on the first word!!! That's a big step! And it's super exciting, especially if it's your first (I wouldn't know first hand, but hearing friends and family reactions seems that way!) but either way, congrats! Just don't clap when he learns to walk ;) lol
Tez122 6
XD lol