Today, I was browsing the web on my boyfriend's laptop, when I idly clicked a bookmark. It turned out to be his private blog, where he most recently spoke in very creepy detail about his efforts to make me love him, remarking that, "Soon, I'll plant my seed in her breeding hips." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my boyfriend has a creepy stalker blog dedicated to some minor celebrity from the '80s that I’ve never heard of. When I asked him about it, he accused me of spying on his private life, even though the blog is there on the internet for anyone to read, and stormed out. FML
Today, after a small fight with my girlfriend, I started to miss her, so I typed her name into Google on a whim. Surprisingly, I find a link to a blog in which the owner describes his ongoing effort to seduce my girl. During times she told me she was alone. Thanks babe. FML
Today, my brother's recent creepy behavior suddenly made sense when I found "How to seduce your sister?" in his browser search history. FML
Today, I found out my husband of 10 years has a online blog. Excited to read about myself, I began skimming, only to find out that every entry is him explaining how he let his "soulmate" walk away 9 years ago because of his "previous commitment" and how he regrets it every day. FML
Today, it appears that my girlfriend visited an internet web page called "How to confess to having an affair." FML
Today, my boyfriend of 4 years decided to start an online blog about his life. He mentioned his cars, his friends and even his staff. I was never mentioned. FML
Today, I went on a date with a really cute guy. Things were going great, so we went to his place. While he was in the bathroom, I absentmindedly looked around his apartment. Unfortunately, his living room cupboard was half open, and I saw a shrine of pictures of me. Apparently, he's been stalking me for months. FML
Today, I stumbled across my ex's blog. Apparently, while dating me, he realized he was gay. Good to know the one guy I've dated, lost my virginity to, and fell in love with, was never truly attracted to me and was dating me just to be sure. FML
Today, by pure chance, I found the website where my boyfriend has been getting all the cute, "original" romantic texts he sends me, including the one that made me fall in love with him to begin with. FML
Today, I found the password to my boyfriend's MSN account. I was listed in the "booty call" category. FML
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Top comments
Epikouros 32
I hope you like gardening!
GeeUnit 8
That's just oddly disturbing..
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Comments (340)
ZuRG_fml 7
KILL IT. KILL IT WITH FIRE.
kandi_kid69 15
I sense a creeper among you.
Epikouros 32
I hope you like gardening!
malfoyfreak 3
Sort of sounds like one i've seen begore
ColdplaySucks 18
Perhaps you should date someone who don't just use women as a tool for sex.
b0ngs 7
64- there was one like this but it was with a guy a women just met. I think he told her "soon this will be ripe with my seed" about her stomach. Anyways both are somewhat creepy.
ucoolgirl31 20
Well at least he likes you!! Jk this is really creepy.... :/
LaughinStock 16
LOL I've traveled 500 miles to give you my seed. (Where did LaughinStock reference this from? 100 points and 10 cyber cookies for the correct answer.)
negb 30
Plump. It was "Soon this will be plump with my seed." while he had his hand on her stomach
MyNameIsSam 4
Step brothers is the movie that quote is from. The quote 84 put on.
kayla_ann0o 9
That's from the new vampire movie with Johnny Depp.
torch433 1
epic fukkin fail
tjv3 10
RUN GIRL RUN
hecallsmedarlin 7
Uncoolgirl; lately I've been seeing a lot of your comments and have come to realize your name suits your
saksxalmo 20
#73 and #93-- I thought the same thing!
hecallsmedarlin 7
^***your name suits you. Considering you are always getting thumbed down..lol, better think of some better remarks!
LaughinStock 16
Ding Ding 98, 100 points for Gyrffindor and 10 cyber cookies for you. :)
saksxalmo 20
FML, why do you keep editing my comments?!
ucoolgirl31 20
Hecallsmedarlin- re-read my username. It's nice that you're sharing your opinion. :)
thursday817 6
Stepbrothers! Hooray!
syley 5
Am I the only one who thought he was just trying to impress his readers and make them laugh?
unknown_user5566 27
200- my thoughts exactly. And 150- this isn't high school. It's no longer cool to dye your hair hot pink and bash people, without provocation, in hopes of gaining popularity. I hope Karma bitch slaps you... Hard.
ZX6Rninja 0
Completely and utter fail 150, way to be a bitch.
mhopper 13
Hecallsmedarlin seems to like bashing people for no reason. Why? Insecure? Most of your comments are buried and rightfully so!
HeyMondayAddict 4
Why can't we be friends why can't we be friends? *in singsong*
IndieCowboy 15
Ye I remember that one. Chic was at starbucks on a 1st date, guy had his hand on her stomach, was like, "soon this will be plump with my seed", creepy shit, man
elementalz 2
71- technically that's what they are for just today's standards you have to get to know them be married or else your looked down on by society That is the main natural instinct of a species to reproduce. Although I do prefer your idea instead of thinking with my downstairs brain
WitchyArmyWife00 0
Stepbrothers
louiseth 9
Reminded me of the line in Dark Shadows, "She has the most fertile birthing hips I have ever laid eyes upon."
kaengelangeleyes 9
Brilliant. I died laughing at this gardening comment.
bootyful86 7
Nice.
ReesieBanana21 12
Creeper!!!
Kkboreland 5
RUN and don't stop. Don't let him plumpen your stomach with his seeds... RUN as fast as you can
GeeUnit 8
That's just oddly disturbing..
Jakesterk96 8
He wants to plow you.
chemchic 7
There are actual men who gain the "dominant" feeling when they impregnate their wives. They practically force them to get pregnant. Looks like that guy is one in the making... or already there.
zoecw 14
You don't say?
xoconnie 8
LMAO good luck with that my friend !
_ebbonyy 11
I would be soooo creeped out by that! I wonder if anyone actually reads his blog? :|
MerrikBarbarian 9
124- worse yet, there are women who think its romantic. :/
truth_spitta 0
124- 50 shades of gray anyone?
RacerX1695 1
Ahh, only in Canada…
kristabelli 19
I find it strange that you all find this creepy. The guy obviously loves her, what's creepy about that? He's her boyfriend! She clearly does not feel the same or she would not find it "creepy" that her boyfriend loves her and wants her to have his baby.
ihasbrains 10
294, it's the wording of the phrase.
kristabelli 19
I know, his wording leaves a lot to be desired... but he was probably trying to be dramatic on his blog. I think it's more nerdy than creepy, personally. Lol.
Angelwings31 4
Maybe you should talk to him...
danny1023 0
In all the movies when u confront the crazy person u get murdered and raped In that order And everyone knows movies are always true
instnt1nfction 17
And the girl will always wear nothing but a bra while asking the murderer where he is.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Girl: Is someone there? Killer: Yeah, I'm in the kitchen making a sandwich. Want one? Girl: Yes! That's do swe-- *stab* Killer: YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN DOING IT FOR ME.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
So* -_-;
hkelley9 6
Just a tad..
GetKayotic 12
Oh wow...That's just...wow.
22cute 17
Please learn some adjectives.
GetKayotic 12
That is just hauntingly disturbing.
NicaLovesDisney 17
Much better. :)
cheetahbaby96 8
Use a condom... He should not be reproducing!
MEM0817 18
In this case, condoms wouldn't even be satisfactory. If he wants to get her pregnant all he has to do is poke holes in the condoms...
bizarre_ftw 22
Birth control for you, crazy pills for him, or sleeping pills for him and a plane ticket for you I like option b personally
hthelittleone 10
You should probably, you know, run faster than a bat plummeting out of hell.
ittsdann 6
You don't know what plummeting means, do you?
hthelittleone 10
I meant the figure of speech. You know, falling.
pickles2b2 4
Do you mean 'bat out of hell' by chance?
hthelittleone 10
209: Yes, that does sound more familiar. Whilst I wrote an essay for my English class, I was researching a few synonyms I could use for falling rapidly, and "bat plummeting out of hell" popped up. I do believe it's "bat out of hell", though. I'm not as familiar with the term though, I keep confusing my English and French! Thanks for the help (:
bizarre_ftw 22
To clear things up: falling usually suggests down (unless you're Shel Silverstein). Hell is already considered as far down as you can go. Therefore it's commonly not considered possible to fall out of hell. Beyond that, however, your English is quite good.
TheNewGuy03 29
Hey, don't criticize #5 too harshly. They used "to plummet" correctly (that is, it was defined correctly within 5's parameters), but the expression in which it was placed made the word seem out of place. *drops mic, runs to find the meaning of "breeding hips"* |the kid|
saksxalmo 20
This sounds like the FML where a guy on a first date tells the OP that "Soon, this [her abdomen] will be plump with [his] seed." or something like that...