Health: Today, I felt sick to my stomach, so I told my mother I didn't... - FML

By I'm just sick, really - United States - Springfield

Today, I felt sick to my stomach, so I told my mother I didn't want to eat dinner. She started accusing me of being anorexic, so I ate a little bit anyway to make her stop. I then threw up, only for her to take it as confirmation that I have an eating disorder. FML

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Walk on the wild side

Rock, hard place

Two states of matter

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was looking for a parking spot and finally found one. Trying to figure out if the spot was legal, I asked a cop that had pulled up. He said it was fine. I came back 3 hours later to a parking ticket. FML

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By PrinceOfBritain - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I was walking my dog through a park with a lake. My dog was swimming in said lake, and then appeared to be having trouble keeping his head up. I put my phone and keys on the ground and waded to my dog. He was fine, but I turned around in time to see someone run off with my stuff. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Atlanta

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His father was completely wasted, his mom was high, and his 11-year-old sister was talking about her favorite alcoholic drinks at the dinner table. FML

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By peachezthelette - 27/12/2020 19:58

Itchy butt

Today, while at work, I had to explain over the phone to my 33-year-old boyfriend how to use Preparation H. FML

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By pampa31 - Mexico - Tijuana

Today, while I was driving, there was a high speed car chase. The runaway managed to avoid my car but the police didn't. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Compton

Today, I was at a pool party with my friends. I really had to pass gas so I moved a bit from the group and let it rip. Instead of bubbles surfacing a brown cloud of poo rose instead. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, while walking to my flat, I spotted something white hanging over the handle bar of my parked bike. It was a very used diaper. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving to work. I saw a cute boy in the car next to me. To try and look cool, I pretended I was talking on my cell phone. I got pulled over and got a ticket for using my cell phone while driving. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went with my friends to see a movie. I handed my student card over to the cashier as proof I was old enough to see it, and he started laughing hysterically at my picture. Then he called over a colleague, who also started laughing. FML

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By appaluver - United States

Today, I was at my friend's house and accidentally blew out a candle that was supposed to be lit for seven days straight. It was in honor of her grandmother who had recently died. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 15:06 - United States - Albuquerque

You tried

Today, I'm in my late thirties, I quit my dream job to go back to school in hopes of providing a better future for my family. All my wife does anymore is bitch about how she has to support the family and do everything. I just found out that my grades aren't good enough to continue my college program. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had finally summoned the courage to break up with my boyfriend, something I've needed to do for a long time. Right before my speech, he presented me with tickets to my favorite band a month from now. FML

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By minnEmouse - United States

Today, I met my husband's old high school sweetheart. My mother-in-law introduced me to her as "one of my son's friends." We've been married for over eight years. FML

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By Decibell - 18/4/2020 05:00

Round and round

Today, I found out the trigger to my horrendous, disgustingly painful migraines that last up to 5 days is... Pain. My migraines are literally causing themselves. FML

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By MrCanoe - Canada

Today, my mom had my girlfriend and me over. Out of the blue, she pulled out my grandmother's wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

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By Nicole - United States

Today, I was in IKEA when my friends and I thought it would be fun to play hide and seek. We all hid; I was in a good hiding spot. Half an hour later, I was still there. I texted my friends to see where they were. They all left to see a movie, and forgot about me. FML

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By hatinthelife - United States

Over and out

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend of six months that giving another guy a blow job IS cheating. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked how I could go to the bathroom and leave my tampon in at the same time. He didn't realize there are two separate holes. He's 28. FML

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By RC3Welly - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

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By SpitBreathe - 25/10/2020 14:00 - Iran Islamic Republic of

Drink it instead!

Today, I found out why the amount of mouthwash hasn't been decreasing much recently when I walked in on my dad using it and then spitting some of it back in the bottle. FML

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By ZG_Rules - Netherlands - Wageningen

Today, I disproved a scientific theory created by my supervisor. He was furious and said that I shouldn't have tried to disprove him. He told me to continue working with his theory and now he threatens to fire me if I publish my work. FML

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By Brittany - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML

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By Oops - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. I wanted to tease him, so I got his attention and made my orgasm face when I thought no one was looking. His thirteen year-old cousin saw and now bursts out laughing whenever he sees me. FML

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By fd_uplife - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because she wants to "become" a lesbian. I also learned that she's coming to my house for dinner tonight. My sister is her date. FML

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By notpregnant - Italy

Today, I woke up with a pillow under my t-shirt. Turns out my boyfriend wanted to 'see if I would look hot even when pregnant'. We've been dating for three weeks now. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2021 20:00

Nervous

Today, I went to see my girlfriend to talk about my anxiety, because it's been a big issue. She broke up with me instead. FML

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By mad flyer - France

Today, after my first flight landed late, I burned out my lungs sprinting full speed for 10 minutes to catch my next flight. The gate number on my ticket was wrong. It had been changed to one right next to where I had originally pulled up to. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Humble

Today, on my first driving lesson, I crashed my instructor's car. I didn't even make it out of the parking lot. FML

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By accidentalsmartass - Japan - Tokyo

He deserved it. Snapping ain't cool unless you're a turtle.

Today, I learned that I may have caused a public speaker and author to be fired, because my response to his "open chat" question flustered him, causing him to lose his cool and snap at me. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was on the bus when I felt a big yawn coming on, one so big that my mouth stretched and my eyes closed. It was at this point that the strange man beside me decided to lean over at lightning speed and put his tongue in my mouth. Technically it was my first kiss. I'm 21 years old. FML

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By mags - United States

Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep. He looked at me laughing and said "See you in a decade." FML

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By samaram - United States

Today, during a series of violent sneezes due to a cold, I bit my tongue. My tongue is now so swollen I cannot close my mouth and am drooling profusely. I have to get ready to go to my job as a cashier. FML

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By cieee - United States

Today, I got a text from my mom saying, "I heard the cupcake store got robbed. Where are you?" Then she texted back, "Oh never mind, they wanted money, not cupcakes. It wasn't you." Very funny, Mom. FML

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By whatzthehell - Kuwait

Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. Then someone at work wouldn't stop whistling loudly and it was getting on my nerves. "Can the dick who is whistling please stop?" I asked. It was the general manager of my department. I'm still on probation. FML

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By Unlucky. - United States

Today, I took my parking permit off my car to debate a ticket that I got for not having my permit displayed. Twenty minutes later, when I got back to my car, I had another ticket on my window for not having my parking permit displayed because I was using it to disprove the first ticket. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Arlington Heights

Today, I was telling my dad how my boyfriend dumped me yesterday. He responded by blowing his nose into his hand, wiping it in my hair, then saying "There, a REAL problem to whine about." FML

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By blk8764 - United States

Today, I was at the grocery store when an elderly woman walked up to me and said, "Why can't every guy be as handsome as you?" I would have been flattered by the comment, if I was a guy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, my mom started getting ready for the Rapture. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Ilkeston

Today, I got rear-ended because my ultra-clingy girlfriend wouldn't let go of my hand long enough for me to shift gears. FML

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By soapypete - United States

Today, before a big client pitch I went into their office bathroom to quickly slick down my hair. It had two identical automatic faucets, one for water and one for hand soap. Now my hair is full of soap, and smells like industrial strength lavender. FML

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Top comments

By cutycat136 | 28

#6279726 - Saturday 2 May 2015 18:55

Maybe she'll notice that when you feel better you're no longer throwing up and you can tell her you told her you weren't anorexic and just weren't feeling good.

By _kyleG_ | 34

#6279734 - Saturday 2 May 2015 19:05

The mother's attitude is making me sick too!

COMMENTS

By alexlots | 20

#6279716 - Saturday 2 May 2015 18:53

You sure showed her

Reply

itsalise | 22

#6279794 - Saturday 2 May 2015 19:58

I dont think she did actually..

Reply

Xamry14 | 10

#6279885 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:07

That's the point of the comment

Reply

alexlots | 20

#6280056 - Sunday 3 May 2015 2:02

Ya my sarcasm didn't come across in that comment whoops

By MissKangaroo | 23

#6279717 - Saturday 2 May 2015 18:53

Pity the vom didn't hit her face

Reply

Way2Fast8 | 20

#6279810 - Saturday 2 May 2015 20:13

Wtf??

Reply

MissKangaroo | 23

#6280466 - Sunday 3 May 2015 14:19

;)

By FluffyPandas156 | 13

#6279718 - Saturday 2 May 2015 18:53

sometimes you can't win

By CoGhostRider | 31

#6279725 - Saturday 2 May 2015 18:55

Well if you get diarrhea be sure to save it so you can prove it was a stomach bug.

Reply

JustinJK | 21

#6279780 - Saturday 2 May 2015 19:46

She might be partaking in laxative abuse!

Reply

Xamry14 | 10

#6279886 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:09

Why is this voted down so much? Maybe she would get sick looking at it and throw up herself

"Mom we need to talk. I think you have an eating disorder."

Reply

Marcelb | 17

#6280363 - Sunday 3 May 2015 11:40

People are whiny b*tches on FML lately. I remember when people could laugh here, now everything is voted down.

By cutycat136 | 28

#6279726 - Saturday 2 May 2015 18:55

Maybe she'll notice that when you feel better you're no longer throwing up and you can tell her you told her you weren't anorexic and just weren't feeling good.

Reply

jtfrisch | 22

#6279851 - Saturday 2 May 2015 21:44

Logic never works with mothers

Reply

1dvos_grl3 | 21

#6279855 - Saturday 2 May 2015 21:58

Actually I always work with logic. Your comment is invalid.

Reply

gintwinsmoore | 20

#6279863 - Saturday 2 May 2015 22:17

what he meant to say is his mom doesn't work with logic.

Reply

Invalid1 | 9

#6280070 - Sunday 3 May 2015 2:35

My mum always hated logic too. Her way or the highway even when she was wrong.

By happypenguins | 24

#6279727 - Saturday 2 May 2015 18:56

When you feel better just eat a lot and keep it all down

By leafeon523 | 20

#6279728 - Saturday 2 May 2015 18:58

Hope you feel better soon op!

By thawny_fml | 21

#6279729 - Saturday 2 May 2015 18:59

It's a mothers job to overreact. Don't worry OP she will calm down once you start feeling better.

Reply

morganmck | 15

#6279752 - Saturday 2 May 2015 19:20

why did this even get down voted?

Reply

RainTears | 15

#6279766 - Saturday 2 May 2015 19:27

#16, because he's wrong

Reply

Xamry14 | 10

#6279888 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:10

No he isn't.

By Sierra7211 | 17

#6279732 - Saturday 2 May 2015 19:03

Moms always worry. Just resume your eating habits once you're better and she'll realize nothing is wrong

Reply

Sierra7211 | 17

#6280120 - Sunday 3 May 2015 4:26

I don't think that was her intent. Kids don't often talk to their parents, so it can be hard for them to know if there's a problem. I'm sure it came from a place of concern

By _kyleG_ | 34

#6279734 - Saturday 2 May 2015 19:05

The mother's attitude is making me sick too!