Today, I felt sick to my stomach, so I told my mother I didn't... - FML

By I'm just sick, really - United States - Springfield

Today, I felt sick to my stomach, so I told my mother I didn't want to eat dinner. She started accusing me of being anorexic, so I ate a little bit anyway to make her stop. I then threw up, only for her to take it as confirmation that I have an eating disorder. FML

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Fashion Police

Race against the clock

This is fine

By RectalSteve - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, I showed my girlfriend some old home videos of me as a kid. My dad must have taped over one though, because halfway through it cut to extremely graphic footage of his colonoscopy. FML

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By Classicmen - United States

Today, is the first weekend I have off this summer. Instead of letting me see my friends, my dad printed out a practice SAT exam. I've already taken the SAT. He just "doesn't want me to get rusty". FML

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2020 08:00

He's a very naughty boy

Today, a Jehovah's Witness followed me around, talking about Jesus. My dad's a pastor. I hear this stuff all day, every day. FML

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By PickedOff - United States

Far out, man

Today, I was worried about my brother because he said that his new medication was making him hallucinate. I told him he should see a doctor right away. He said it was fine and that he had already seen a doctor. I later found out the doctor he was talking about was a hallucination. FML

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By gamer tag ID not recognised

Today, my husband is adamant he is not a cheater because "it only counts as cheating if you have sex with other women for free" so apparently 20-year-old male prostitutes don't count because they're not women and they cost money. FML

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By mammamia - United States

Today, in a big argument, my sister uninvited my mom to her wedding. Trying to comfort my mom, I rented Mamma Mia knowing she's wanted to see it for a while. Turns out, Mamma Mia is a mother/daughter feel-good about the daughters wedding. I had no idea, and my mom cried the whole movie. FML

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By Morgan - 12/9/2020 23:01 - United States

Badass over here

Today, my sister burned herself on purpose with a curling iron. Why? She thought it would be cool to have a scar that "tells a story." My sister is 22. FML

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By syle - France

Today, my son forgot to log out of MSN. He had written, "When am I getting out of this place?" and his username was "mother fucker". FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2020 08:00

Close enough

Today, I finished writing a 60-page essay on the history and people of Australia. Turns out it's supposed to be on Austria. It's due this morning. FML

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By AwkwardPotato - United States - Bakersfield

Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML

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By emasculated 10000% - Sweden - Ljungby

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

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By koolkidx3 - United States

Today, I had my final economics exam, and needed to ace it, or else I would fail the entire module. After studying all day yesterday, and pulling an all-nighter today, I managed to pull it off and get a perfect score. Unfortunately, my teacher didn't believe that it was possible, and accused me of cheating. Now I may be thrown out of college. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - El Dorado Hills

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the local park for some romantic time together. By the time we left, I'd been called a pedo and a cradle robber, and been given several dirty looks. I'm 31. My boyfriend is 30 and just very baby-faced. FML

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By girlie - United States

Today, I was in the gym, when i noticed three trainers who worked there staring at me. Thinking that they were checking me out, i turned the speed on the tread mill higher. Finally one of the trainers came over, and asked me to leave until i got a sports bra that actually worked. FML

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By Maddie

Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that after reuniting with an old boyfriend, getting close with his two year old son, and moving closer to him to properly be a part of their lives, he got back together with his ex wife. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I spent a hundred dollars on new "business casual" clothes and took two hours to get ready for my interview with a government agency. My interviewer was blind. FML

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By unlucky - United States

Trial and mainly error

Today, I have done enough trials to confirm that I puke after each time I have sex. FML

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By BAMashleyx3

Today, my dad texted me while I was in the dentist's chair getting my teeth cleaned. The dental hygienist jumped at the notification sound my phone made and split my gum open. FML

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By firedupasshole - 27/7/2020 05:01

Make your mind up

Today, while taking to-go orders at my restaurant, a customer called saying he wanted his food well done. He even said, “Burn it to a crisp.” Which is what I told the kitchen. When he came to pick it up, he opened his food, inspected it and screamed, “Not this burned, you damn retard!” and threw it at me. FML

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By Sadmom - United States

Today, my 7 year old daughter decided to use my laptop without my permission. She accidentally got SpaghettiOs on the screen, then used the hard side of a sponge, filled with soapy water, to scrub both the keyboard and screen of my laptop to clean it off so Mommy wouldn't know. FML

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By FML - Sweden

Today, after having recently moved 300 miles to be with my boyfriend of 2 years, I have to celebrate Christmas alone. He never thought our relationship important enough to tell his family about me, and doesn't want it to be "awkward." FML

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By nonnie31 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I arrived for the two-week scuba diving vacation I spent months saving, planning, and looking forward to. Today, I also developed an ear infection and can't scuba dive for 2 weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Manchester

A likely story...

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years wanted to break up because I was "kissing" another guy. That guy was 73 years old and dying of a heart-attack. I work as an Ambulance Technician and was performing CPR. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tucson

Today, I was at a job interview. The interviewer spoke to me for a few minutes, then said she would be right back, and left. I was left alone in a room for an hour and a half believing that it was a patience test. They closed the store for the day, leaving me in the interview room. FML

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By nano123 - 17/4/2020 08:00

Played yourself

Today, I gave myself a hickey on my bicep just to know how it feels. I'm a 28-year-old virgin and yes, that's possible. FML

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By NoStarbucks4Me - Germany - M?hldorf

Today, the area I live in is so rural that the nearest Starbucks is a 1-hour drive away. And in another country. FML

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By gloria77 - United States

Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "shit", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother". FML

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By CollegeBound - United States - Tully

Today, at age eighteen, I finished moving out of my parents' house and into my own. The only person to even remotely give a shit was my sister, and that was only because I was taking the cat with me. FML

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By missseloit3

Et tu, Brute?

Today I caught my husband cheating on me in our bed with my 19-year-old brother. FML

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By unloved - United States

Today, during an argument with my daughter she screamed "everyone hates you!" and stormed off. I flopped down on the couch in frustration where the cat jumped on my lap. "You love me, don't you?" I asked the cat. She crapped on my leg and went to my daughter's room. FML

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By ohokay - United States - Bronx

Today, I found my boyfriend's Facebook page. I also found his wife's. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2020 05:01

Collateral damage

Today, my sweet, nonviolent boyfriend found out my daughter's asshole boyfriend had hit her, so he rugby-tackled him so hard, it ripped the door right out of the frame and into the garden. I never knew he had it in him, so I'm proud, but now we've got to fix the door. FML

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By Redhottt6

Today, I received a friend request from a boyfriend I hadn't talked to in 20+ years. A few minutes later he messaged me a picture of himself with a young woman at a strip club. My daughter. FML

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By fucking Karens! - 11/8/2020 14:02

Karen strikes again

Today, I got lost searching for an apartment in a huge complex. A hysterical woman started screaming that I didn’t belong there, and that she was calling the police. She stood behind my car so I couldn’t leave. I’m a pizza delivery driver, in full uniform and with the company emblem on my car. FML

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By Stressed_Out_Student

That's a lot of damage!

Today, I had to do a still life of a pillowcase for my drawing class. To make up for bad grades I've gotten before, I followed my professor's directions to a T. He took 19 points off because I drew the background when no one else did. We have to do it for every piece. FML

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By Bito - France

Today, I played a table tennis final in public. After winning, I went to shake my opponent's hand. He doesn't react or move. It was only the first set. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - South Gate

Today, I still can't decide whether masturbating while looking at myself makes me narcissistic or just plain pathetic. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2020 23:06

Dangling modifier

Today, I took my dog out for his walk, only to find out that I had an extra bra hanging vertically out of my pants. Thankfully, the only person who saw me was the maintenance guy, who looked very confused, so I just smiled at him. I had no idea why, I only realized when the wind blew it against my leg and I saw my shadow. FML

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By Justme - United States

Today, I had surgery on my "girl parts" and can't have sex for six weeks. My boyfriend sees no need to spend any time with me until I heal up. FML

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Top comments

By cutycat136 | 28

#6279726 - Saturday 2 May 2015 18:55

Maybe she'll notice that when you feel better you're no longer throwing up and you can tell her you told her you weren't anorexic and just weren't feeling good.

By _kyleG_ | 34

#6279734 - Saturday 2 May 2015 19:05

The mother's attitude is making me sick too!

COMMENTS

By alexlots | 20

#6279716 - Saturday 2 May 2015 18:53

You sure showed her

Reply

itsalise | 22

#6279794 - Saturday 2 May 2015 19:58

I dont think she did actually..

Reply

Xamry14 | 10

#6279885 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:07

That's the point of the comment

Reply

alexlots | 20

#6280056 - Sunday 3 May 2015 2:02

Ya my sarcasm didn't come across in that comment whoops

By MissKangaroo | 23

#6279717 - Saturday 2 May 2015 18:53

Pity the vom didn't hit her face

Reply

Way2Fast8 | 20

#6279810 - Saturday 2 May 2015 20:13

Wtf??

Reply

MissKangaroo | 23

#6280466 - Sunday 3 May 2015 14:19

;)

By FluffyPandas156 | 13

#6279718 - Saturday 2 May 2015 18:53

sometimes you can't win

By CoGhostRider | 31

#6279725 - Saturday 2 May 2015 18:55

Well if you get diarrhea be sure to save it so you can prove it was a stomach bug.

Reply

JustinJK | 21

#6279780 - Saturday 2 May 2015 19:46

She might be partaking in laxative abuse!

Reply

Xamry14 | 10

#6279886 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:09

Why is this voted down so much? Maybe she would get sick looking at it and throw up herself

"Mom we need to talk. I think you have an eating disorder."

Reply

Marcelb | 17

#6280363 - Sunday 3 May 2015 11:40

People are whiny b*tches on FML lately. I remember when people could laugh here, now everything is voted down.

By cutycat136 | 28

#6279726 - Saturday 2 May 2015 18:55

Maybe she'll notice that when you feel better you're no longer throwing up and you can tell her you told her you weren't anorexic and just weren't feeling good.

Reply

jtfrisch | 22

#6279851 - Saturday 2 May 2015 21:44

Logic never works with mothers

Reply

1dvos_grl3 | 21

#6279855 - Saturday 2 May 2015 21:58

Actually I always work with logic. Your comment is invalid.

Reply

gintwinsmoore | 20

#6279863 - Saturday 2 May 2015 22:17

what he meant to say is his mom doesn't work with logic.

Reply

Invalid1 | 9

#6280070 - Sunday 3 May 2015 2:35

My mum always hated logic too. Her way or the highway even when she was wrong.

By happypenguins | 24

#6279727 - Saturday 2 May 2015 18:56

When you feel better just eat a lot and keep it all down

By leafeon523 | 20

#6279728 - Saturday 2 May 2015 18:58

Hope you feel better soon op!

By thawny_fml | 21

#6279729 - Saturday 2 May 2015 18:59

It's a mothers job to overreact. Don't worry OP she will calm down once you start feeling better.

Reply

morganmck | 15

#6279752 - Saturday 2 May 2015 19:20

why did this even get down voted?

Reply

RainTears | 15

#6279766 - Saturday 2 May 2015 19:27

#16, because he's wrong

Reply

Xamry14 | 10

#6279888 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:10

No he isn't.

By Sierra7211 | 17

#6279732 - Saturday 2 May 2015 19:03

Moms always worry. Just resume your eating habits once you're better and she'll realize nothing is wrong

Reply

Sierra7211 | 17

#6280120 - Sunday 3 May 2015 4:26

I don't think that was her intent. Kids don't often talk to their parents, so it can be hard for them to know if there's a problem. I'm sure it came from a place of concern

By _kyleG_ | 34

#6279734 - Saturday 2 May 2015 19:05

The mother's attitude is making me sick too!