Miscellaneous: Today, I was awakened by the sound of chain-saws. Moments later... - FML

04/09/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I was awakened by the sound of chain-saws. Moments later a tree branch came through my roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 200

You deserved it 2 210

There's no helping some people

Good kid

Extreme shot reaction

10/11/2014 21:50 - United States - Mount Laurel

Today, I realized why I never hear my voice echoing when I sing to my boyfriend on Skype; he just mutes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 676

You deserved it 11 986

Bad sandwich, bad week

By Anonymous - 07/09/2019 12:02 - Korea Republic of

Today, I went to the doctor's. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 701

You deserved it 98

22/04/2016 20:14 - United States - Charleston

Spicy

Today, I guess my son's balls dropped. I've caught him humping his sister's Selena Gomez posters several times today. For god's sake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 595

You deserved it 1 894

05/08/2013 21:42 - Netherlands - Den Haag

Spicy

Today, I came home a little earlier than usual, only to walk in on my dad frantically trying to remove a ballgag from my mom's mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 346

You deserved it 5 321

27/05/2013 00:21 - United States - Matteson

Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 233

You deserved it 4 443

Unexpected item

By Highschoolsucks - 18/03/2020 23:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was hit in the head with a football during class. Spanish class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 533

You deserved it 124

27/06/2009 04:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 319

You deserved it 127 515

Oh, hello there

By Jon - 18/01/2010 20:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 560

You deserved it 8 822

14/09/2012 00:57 - United States - Hinsdale

Today, after having a long talk with my mother about gays, she told me that she was totally open. I felt completely relieved, being gay myself. Seconds later, she said, "But not for you. I want you to find me a nice girl that can give me lots of grand kids." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 963

You deserved it 5 214

15/02/2009 10:32 - Canada

Today, I went on a coffee date with a guy I'm interested in. He picked up his phone mid-date to finalize dinner plans with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 739

You deserved it 3 038

15/06/2016 21:30 - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today, I put in my two-week notice. My boss responded by saying, "Okie dokie" and hanging up. Guess they were glad to be rid of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 924

You deserved it 1 974

26/01/2017 08:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I was having sex with an ex when he whispered in my ear, "Who's my baby?" I, being very bad at dirty talk, said, "You." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 524

You deserved it 1 540

09/06/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 806

You deserved it 10 732

Let me out!

By Archie - 07/01/2010 08:31 - United States

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to engage the child locks on the rear doors of my SUV. My SUV has a bolted cage for the dog separating the front from the back. Guess who was locked in their own car for 2 hours? FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 492

You deserved it 4 216

20/08/2015 17:48 - United Kingdom - Glenrothes

Today, my boss bitched me out for violating workplace privacy, after he found an FML post from last year that eerily resembled a situation that happened the same year. He thought I posted it and twisted things to make him look like an idiot. I've never posted here in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 038

You deserved it 2 562

26/08/2018 22:00

Today, a spider came down from its web in front of my face. This would have been fine and I could have killed it easily if I wasn't in my car. Driving on the highway. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 349

You deserved it 299

14/10/2010 08:19 - United States

Today, I found out that the blind man I've been helping for months at the grocery store by carrying his shopping around and stuff was actually faking his blindness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 018

You deserved it 3 740

26/02/2010 18:37 - United States

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my dad. He met him after my boyfriend ran his truck into a tree, and my dad had to pick us up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 140

You deserved it 4 037

05/02/2018 15:00

Today, my boss tested a candidate for my current position while I was out of the office. How did I find out? I work in HR and the test results were sent to my email. The reason I was out was to have emergency surgery. Now I get to recover and job search at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 420

You deserved it 202

Quality family time

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 02:00 - United States - Verona

Today, I made a nice dinner for my relatives, as we share the same quarters for lockdown. For an hour, I had to hear the same old complaints about other relatives for the last ten years that I have been hearing about every day since lockdown. I wanted to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 65

06/08/2009 23:16 - United States

Today, I was pretending to use the force to operate the elevator at my hotel, getting really into it. Someone was waiting to get on at my floor and saw me. Not to mention the staff now brings it up every time I'm around. Apparently they have cameras in their elevators. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 312

You deserved it 43 609

26/01/2016 22:22 - Netherlands - Reusel

Today, I walked into a room to help a patient get ready for bed. Except she already was in bed, with two other male patients. I work in a retirement home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 758

You deserved it 1 746

18/01/2012 22:30 - Ireland

Today, I turned on the news to see a live report about an increase in crime in my town. One minute in, my drunk daughter appears behind the news reporter, butt naked, dancing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 192

You deserved it 6 758

26/07/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, while doing aerobics in my room, I started doing really powerful Knee Highs. My cell phone fell out of my pocket while doing one knee high. As I looked down, I kneed myself in the face. I spent the next couple hours in the emergency room while the doctor told everyone my story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 263

You deserved it 19 629

08/12/2009 02:32 - Canada

Today, I went skating at the local rink. I had a really hard time balancing and was falling all over the place. After everyone had a good laugh, someone finally decided to tell me that one of my blade covers was still on, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 855

You deserved it 29 000

01/02/2009 10:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm 19, I'm at uni, I've never been kissed and the only person I have had a proper conversation with in the past week is my Mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 565

You deserved it 5 459

09/04/2012 05:15 - United States

Today, I got mugged at Disney World, the happiest place on Earth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 097

You deserved it 3 578

Happy place

By Anonymous - 31/05/2009 17:36 - Poland

Today, my husband of ten years was playing the Sims. I asked him about the house he built. Apparently, it was his dream house, and he recreated himself as a Sim so he could live in it. Then I asked him where the wife was. There was no wife. It was his happy place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 862

You deserved it 10 869

18/03/2018 15:00

Today, as I was perusing old photos with my mother, I found one of her with a "childhood friend" at her wedding to my dad. Now I know where my green eyes and blotchy neck birthmark came from, and it's not from the man I’ve been calling "dad" for 40 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 764

You deserved it 256

The road to hell, good intentions, all that jazz

By Anonymous - 06/07/2020 05:01

Today, in the process of leaning over the sink to close the drain so my diamond earrings wouldn't fall in as I put them on, I dropped my diamond earring down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 137

You deserved it 656

Caught

By luckoftheirish - 18/07/2021 11:01

Spicy

Today, I found out that masturbating on an airplane isn't frowned upon like they say in the movie 'The Hangover'. It's actually illegal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 2 506

15/10/2016 05:54 - United States

Today, I discovered that yes, you CAN forget how to ride a bike. Too bad I discovered this in front of all my son's friends and their parents while at his birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 953

You deserved it 1 404

Comfortably…

By MrZach - 21/11/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I had a tooth pulled. An hour or so later, I removed the gauze from my mouth, because I thought the bleeding had stopped. I got on my laptop. A few minutes later I looked down, to see that I had drooled blood all over the keyboard, and didn't know because my mouth was numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 858

You deserved it 33 867

24/09/2009 02:47 - United States

Today, my navy boyfriend, who's stationed in Italy, calls me to say he is in San Francisco and is coming to see me. After scrambling to get ready, he calls me back to say he doesn't recognize the train station. After searching on Google Maps, it becomes clear he's drunk at Oktoberfest. In Germany. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 146

You deserved it 3 251

What? How? Why?

By Anonymous - 17/03/2021 22:01 - United States - Boise

Today, I smashed my finger with a hammer. A finger on the hand holding the hammer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 642

You deserved it 273

22/01/2012 05:09 - United States

Today, I was working at Staples and organizing some notebooks. All of a sudden, I jumped up because of a sharp pain in my back. A little girl had grabbed a stapler and stapled my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 260

You deserved it 2 628

17/07/2018 15:00

Today, I shared an elevator alone with an attractive co-worker. On our way up, she let out a loud, noxious rip. She covered her nose and mouth while giving me an accusing look, as I said with a straight face, "Excuse you." Later, I received a note from HR for harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 527

You deserved it 258

27/03/2018 22:00 - United States - Papillion

Spicy

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me with my best friend. He actually had the balls to say her leg was asleep and he was trying to wake it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 325

You deserved it 337

30/09/2016 05:53 - United States - Houston

Today, I found out my brand new $3,000 mattress that is supposed to relieve my back pain works amazingly. I only discovered this because my wife, son, daughter, dog, and two cats are all asleep on it and not waking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 777

You deserved it 1 008

08/06/2017 20:00

Today, my son's yearbook came. I was pretty happy, because I also ordered a larger version of his photo because he's going to California for college and I wanted a special picture of him to keep. Unfortunately, my happiness disappeared when I saw that he was wearing a horse mask in the photo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 494

You deserved it 771

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Friday 4 September 2009 23:12

The tree just wanted revenge for your wooden house.

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Friday 4 September 2009 23:08

Talk about a rude awakening. Sucks lmfao

Comments

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Friday 4 September 2009 23:08

first!! lmao sorry but its fun! FYL

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Friday 4 September 2009 23:27

Congrats

youaresofucked 0

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Saturday 5 September 2009 14:38

and you live in TeXas>? the Texas Chainsaw Massacre has Begun! Umm, again!

MelanieBerrigan 0

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Friday 4 September 2009 23:08

dang that sucks fyl

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Sunday 4 April 2010 7:29

thats happened before. yesteeday, actually

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Friday 4 September 2009 23:08

Talk about a rude awakening. Sucks lmfao

shopping456xoxo 0

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Friday 4 September 2009 23:10

I don't believe that...

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Friday 4 September 2009 23:11

it actually happened to me once but the tree fell cause of a thunderstorm! so might now be fake

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Saturday 5 September 2009 2:28

definately fake, you think you would have more important things to do then wollow in your sorrow on fml, if your house got trashed by a tree, and who cuts down a branch thats over top of some1 elses house, ffaakkee

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Saturday 5 September 2009 22:19

If he's called construction workers, then what else can he do? If he does not know who had the chainsaw when the tree was cut, what are the chances he is going to knock on their door/phone the police, etc.? It's not as if he has much else to do, and he may just spend quite a while on the computer, on regular basis, which would not make it out of the norm. typing up an FML for this website. To the original poster: didn't believe it at first, if I am going to believe it - fix your reputation. ;)

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Friday 4 September 2009 23:12

The tree just wanted revenge for your wooden house.

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Friday 4 September 2009 23:19

Oh god, these mass FMLs rarely make me laugh anymore, but thanks to you. :)))

derrickddiazz 0

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Thursday 15 April 2010 1:58

MORNING WOOD

KZN02 18

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Friday 4 September 2009 23:14

On the bright side, at least it wasn't some murderer of some sort.

shopping456xoxo 0

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Friday 4 September 2009 23:14

Oh Ok.

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Friday 4 September 2009 23:23

Yikes! Hope you have insurance. On the bright side, you have that new skylight you have always wanted. :)

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Saturday 5 September 2009 3:38

lol

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Saturday 5 September 2009 3:58

you dont need insurance if someone was cutting down the tree, thats what the chainsaw sound would imply . You could just sue them and get more than insurance would get

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Friday 4 September 2009 23:30

wow whoever was cutting down trees is a idiot hope they pay for the damages when you cut a tree down you usually try to caculate where it walls

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Saturday 5 September 2009 3:15

ahaha thats funny but it sucks to be your house

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Friday 4 September 2009 23:31

WOW

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 36

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 487