Miscellaneous: Today, I went para sailing for the first time ever. My friends...

By no_hullabalo - 04/09/2009 14:50 - Taiwan

Today, I went para sailing for the first time ever. My friends thought it would be funny to pull down my trunks right before my feet left the boat. I dangled there in the air for the whole resort to see. And I lost my shorts in the ocean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 747

You deserved it 3 451

Miscellaneous

Things can only get better

Mystery

Bye bye love

By Annoyed - 28/10/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother told me she bought the same perfume that my boyfriend got me for Christmas last year. He loves that perfume. Now, whenever he smells me, he's going to think of his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 322

You deserved it 2 819

Whack-a-Mole

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 02:01

Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 431

You deserved it 262

Exterminator

By being cheap is expensive! - 25/11/2021 05:01

Today, my wife’s unending cheapness and need for a “deal” has bitten us in the ass. Literally. She accepted a bag of clothes from a coworker and yup, you guessed it, it was infested with fucking bedbugs. Now our whole house has them, and all she said was, “At least the clothes can be washed.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 102

By lanz4949 - 19/03/2013 04:40 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my superstitious girlfriend of 4 years sneezed in the middle of my proposal. She claimed it was a sign from the universe for us to break up and then immediately left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 065

You deserved it 3 728

Sorry

By Anonymous - 23/09/2013 18:06 - United States - Olympia

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another man. Her main reaction was to get mad at me for not knocking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 712

You deserved it 5 062

By stun_zeed - 17/01/2017 10:00

Today, my girlfriend called my flaccid penis her "little squishy" in a voice like Dory, and became upset when I got aroused because little squishy was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 020

You deserved it 1 215

By Anonymous - 01/06/2009 19:07 - United States

Today, I had the Monday meeting that I have had every week for 8 months. We had new people joining today. One of my bosses went around the room introducing people, and he forgot my name. I've been sitting across from him with a nametag for 8 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 061

You deserved it 4 030

By Satan's Mum - 06/05/2014 18:38 - United Kingdom - London

Today, to teach my 14-year-old son a serious lesson for bullying a child at school again, I grounded him for the rest of the year. He just snorted and said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum!" and happily retreated to his bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 513

You deserved it 9 088

By awkward. - 29/12/2012 15:50 - United Kingdom - Rickmansworth

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the cinema. Or rather, she went with her other boyfriend, and I happened to see them there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 221

You deserved it 3 175

By Anonymous - 16/12/2011 03:55 - United States

Today, I'd had it with my mom's addiction to weed, so I told her to choose between me or the weed. I'm currently looking on Craigslist for an apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 937

You deserved it 14 013

By Anonymous - 05/01/2011 22:52 - United States

Today, my mother came over again to help me work on my Student Aid application. She also brought over the savings bonds that she has been accumulating since I was born to help pay for college. Turns out they won't reach maturity until I'm thirty. She never bothered to check out this fact. I'm screwed for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 482

You deserved it 3 413

By bloated - 04/11/2016 02:46 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I felt so self-conscious about my gut, I pushed it out and pretended I was pregnant rather than sucking it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 759

You deserved it 2 503

By Anonymous - 12/09/2009 06:58 - United States

Today, my brother thought he would take my key and steal my shoes from my football locker while I was at practice. What he didn't think about was him leaving my locker unlocked for the 3 hours of practice. Someone stole my iPod, my cell phone, my wallet, and all of my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 101

You deserved it 2 830

By Anonymous - 10/08/2010 16:27 - United States

Today, we had our first rainstorm in weeks. Thirty seconds before it started, my window broke in the "down" position from overuse, since last week the air conditioning in my car gave out. Now I have a hot, wet car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 327

You deserved it 3 165

By lonelyandcold - 05/12/2012 23:27 - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 503

You deserved it 1 826

By TooShortToCleanThat - 20/03/2015 03:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to show off one of his favorite skills: Peeing on my ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 390

You deserved it 3 741

Stalker or coincidence?

By Jenny - 08/05/2020 05:00

Today, I went grocery shopping at the store near my house. Upon checking out, I look up to see that my cashier is none other than the woman I went on a date with a few months ago, and whose calls and texts I ignored after she began to obsess over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 671

By ashleyyyy - 28/10/2011 15:59 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for going the wrong way on a closed highway. The construction signs pointed me in that direction, and the cop agreed that they should be fixed. Did it stop him from giving me a ticket anyway? Nope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 722

You deserved it 2 783

By unknown relationship - 28/06/2013 05:23 - United States - Shorewood

Today, after working at my job for months, I quit. Why? My boss tried to convince me that we are in a secret relationship after he told me he loved me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 341

You deserved it 3 135

Big boomer energy

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 20:06

Today, my father-in law-shared his opinion that autistic kids should be beaten until they act normal. He saw fit to share this while my autistic son was having a meltdown because my father-in-law came to the house without warning, and my son violently hates visitors without prior warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 332

You deserved it 243

Go away, creep

By Anonymous - 22/12/2020 05:02 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I learned that my stalker is still trying to weasel their way into my life even after they doxxed me, cyberstalked me, harassed me, threatened me, and attempted blackmail on me. All this just because I told them that their boyfriend groomed me when I was a minor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 69

By foolmetwice - 16/05/2011 14:28

Today, I spilt a very hot cup of tea all over a burn I got yesterday from spilling a very hot cup of tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 044

You deserved it 40 037

By dammit - 09/06/2009 12:16 - United States

Today, my father's company shut down his branch, leaving him without a job. This is followed by a letter from my school's financial aid office, saying I'm not getting a penny because my family's income level is too high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 411

You deserved it 3 092

By jordyn173 - 08/04/2012 03:19 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a basketball game. A very pretty woman sat next to him. During the third quarter, the kiss cam came on. But it didn't show him and me, it showed him and the other girl. And they kissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 606

You deserved it 3 576

By ThroatSlasher - 17/08/2015 19:20 - United Kingdom - Grimsby

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with "Hah, just kidding. You're fuckin' BORING!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 597

You deserved it 2 407

The single life

By Anonymous - 14/09/2021 22:00 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me while I'm deployed overseas. Her reason why is that she needs "to be alone to better herself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 84

Bad day #74746

By orourkeda - 14/04/2021 10:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I sharted in work this morning. It was rather unpleasant and everyone around me knew what had happened. The embarrassment was stifling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 148

By HAIL SITHIS - 24/07/2015 18:54 - United States

Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 956

You deserved it 3 225

By Anonymous - 23/01/2011 07:21 - United States

Today, I went to the hospital to visit my aunt and her newborn baby. The receptionist gave me the room number, and I went and my aunt was in the bathroom so I cuddle the baby, only to find that the woman who came out of the bathroom was a complete stranger. I was holding her baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 548

You deserved it 8 334

By Anonymous - 27/08/2010 00:19 - United States

Today, I pretended like I was dead to my 4 year old brother. He cried my name for a couple of seconds, then took my iPhone out of my hands and ran away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 871

You deserved it 43 580

By OverIt - 25/02/2014 22:24 - United States - Winchester

Today, I talked to my husband about his lack of interest in sex. Apparently his definition is polar to mine; his is along the lines of cuddling. Not only did I wait until marriage to have sex with this man, apparently he prefers a permanent roommate without benefits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 587

You deserved it 11 130

By unwanted - 26/11/2014 18:13 - Canada - Dollard-des-ormeaux

Today, I drove over an hour to my grandma's house for her birthday party. When she answered the door, her eyes went wide and she said angrily "No, not you!" and slammed the door shut in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 549

You deserved it 2 912

By Anonymous - 09/04/2012 00:13 - United States - San Mateo

Today, my boyfriend gave me a $100 gift card for Victoria's Secret. Suspicious, I checked the receipt he'd left in the bag. Turns out he had bought it during the 2 weeks we were broken up for some other girl who rejected him, so decided to give it to me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 262

You deserved it 6 965

By waterspike - 29/01/2010 13:18 - France

Today, after finally getting a date with the girl I like, she invited her new boyfriend along as well. I ended up paying for their first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 727

You deserved it 9 931

By Anonymous - 07/12/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend he is good at singing. Now he won't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 006

You deserved it 41 931

By katsaysner - 17/10/2014 17:56 - United States - Unity

Today, I got the best grade in class on my economics midterm. Rather than tell me I did a good job, my professor criticized me in front of everyone about how I was working "too hard". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 786

You deserved it 4 682

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 09:19 - Australia

Today, after moving house, changing my number, my email, and beginning legal action to get away from a girl who was stalking me, I decided to go to the movies to relax. As soon as I got in my seat, that same girl walked into the nearly empty theatre. She sat next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 671

You deserved it 3 151

Feed me!

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 08:01 - Luxembourg - Luxembourg

Today, my Visa card randomly stopped working. I have no other way of getting money or paying for anything. I was going to buy next week's food tomorrow, but I guess I'll just starve instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 741

You deserved it 154

By insulted - 15/11/2011 17:48 - Canada

Today, I was denied membership to an all-women's gym. Why? Because "men are not permitted to join". I am and have always been female. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 028

You deserved it 3 964

By Anonymous - 20/08/2019 16:00

Today, I was in a bathroom stall and someone had left their dirty tampon rolled up in toilet paper on the top of the paper dispenser. I felt obligated to dispose of it, so the next person didn't think I left it, because there was a line for the stalls. Fuck you, asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 671

You deserved it 179

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Top comments

Kozzy333 0

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Friday 4 September 2009 20:13

It's funny when it doesn't happen to you.

djb23 0

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Friday 4 September 2009 20:26

haha i can picture all the taiwanese girls "OOO HEEHEEHEEE IS SO SMAU!!"

dengman 0

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Friday 4 September 2009 20:13

hahaha that sucks!!!! lol

666midnight 0

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Friday 4 September 2009 21:54

Having parasailed myself, I wanna know how they pulled his shorts down, unless he put the harness under his shorts...other than that it's hard cos they harness you to the shute

ohaliciamarie 0

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Friday 4 September 2009 22:19

THANKKK YOUUU. I went parasailing too. and I was thinking that exact same thing. But the story was still funny to think about haha.

5upernova 3

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Friday 4 September 2009 23:35

Agreed. You are completely strapped when you are para sailing (I have done it before myself). If not, you are not properly strapped.

Kozzy333 0

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Friday 4 September 2009 20:13

It's funny when it doesn't happen to you.

mrbattleman 10

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Friday 4 September 2009 20:13

oh that sux

v1knownaz_chris 0

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Friday 4 September 2009 20:14

LOL. talk about embarrasing

mccaincracker 6

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Friday 4 September 2009 20:17

great freinds u have, www.youtube/jimmyjimjobobo123.com

lendmeyourteeth 0

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Friday 4 September 2009 20:18

lrn2type links

Zer0de 0

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Saturday 5 September 2009 0:28

Learn to Spell

plexico 3

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Friday 4 September 2009 20:18

I thought in your earlier comment, you were a fat, unhappy, unmarried man from Dallas who had no friends. Now, you are a Taiwanese parasailer with funny friends. That's a quick turnaround. If you are a normal man, no one would see anything when you are way up in the air. If your junk is visible from way up there, you're going to become the most popular guy at the resort.

jts2 3

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Friday 4 September 2009 20:20

ROFL. Wow.

Caayouteepie 0

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Friday 4 September 2009 21:19

whoa you know how to make a point.

_Noon_ 0

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Friday 4 September 2009 22:08

I love you plexico :)

flyboy57 0

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Friday 4 September 2009 20:19

son, you got OWNED!!

TripleG 0

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Friday 4 September 2009 20:19

Dick>ass=fun

ananamoose 0

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Friday 4 September 2009 20:21

Just enjoy the sensation that that would bring. I mean come on wind just flowing through you that fast, it would be incredible, and it's not like every single person in the resort is just sitting there like ohhhh look at that guy with his pants down, hes huuuuuge!!! in that case, be excited, some carribean pwn baby!!!