Transportation: Today, I got home to find my truck smashed by a fallen old tree.... - FML

By Username - 23/06/2011 04:47 - United States

Today, I got home to find my truck smashed by a fallen old tree. I was going to have the tree removed next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 750

You deserved it 5 922

Own it

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Feeling ripped off

By Singlelady - 21/09/2016 19:16 - United Kingdom - Stoke-on-trent

Today, my sister gently asked me if I was gay. Turns out I've been without a boyfriend for so long that the whole family believes I secretly have a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 777

You deserved it 1 149

By LOTRfail - 27/07/2012 02:13 - United States - Malden

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 204

You deserved it 4 038

By Ya - 10/05/2009 14:18 - United States

Today, I missed my flight because I was stopped by airport security. They found "small, suspicious, spherical objects" in my purse on the X-ray. After pulling me out of line, taking my purse aside and carefully opening it with tongs, they removed the bag of grapes I had packed as a snack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 164

You deserved it 11 580

Rescue cat

By crazycatlady - 04/02/2017 20:00 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, and I had to save him. I now have a soggy cat and scratched arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 366

You deserved it 817

By Kaluhaluha - 25/08/2018 13:00

Today, I came back from a 700-mile round trip. I hit a massive pothole I couldn't avoid and blew out a tire and bent my rim. I was less than a mile from my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 561

You deserved it 214

Caught

By Kiki - 28/04/2021 08:03 - Belgium

Spicy

Today, I was home alone while my family was on a trip for 3 days at the beach. I walked around naked and did stuff, thinking they wouldn't know. After a whole evening of doing stuff like that, I noticed a camera. They were filming it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 419

By bigblue51 - 22/05/2009 12:09 - United States

Today, while interviewing for a job I had to read over the physical requirements for the job. Later on she asked me how flexible I was. Trying to keep a straight face, I told her I was more flexible while I was playing sports but could work on it if I need to. She was talking about work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 417

You deserved it 48 027

By Sam - 10/10/2017 16:00

Today, I went to my first ultrasound appointment. The daughter I was hoping for is actually going to be boy triplets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 143

You deserved it 1 218

By IceMage - 18/01/2010 00:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 602

You deserved it 39 254

By yeah - 27/08/2010 23:16 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were role playing when her mum walked past the slightly open door, saw me, and chased me out of the house for stealing her baby's innocence. I was only wearing a red speedo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 730

You deserved it 38 788

By tLee - 19/07/2011 04:04 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 338

You deserved it 4 531

Set phasers to stun

By Anonymous - 05/02/2021 00:30

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because there was “something missing”, which was the lack of sex we had because she didn’t feel good about her body. Less than three hours after crushing my heart, she posted about how hard it will be to have a "hoe phase" during a pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 637

You deserved it 149

By NeverDrinkingAgain - 09/12/2010 12:31 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I learned that what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. This includes my one night stand who turned up outside my front door with a suitcase in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 626

You deserved it 43 603

By WalkTheOtherWay - 01/02/2015 02:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was in a heated debate about climate change. I got so flustered that I forgot the word "volcano" and ended up calling them "exploding mountain things". End of the debate. Shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 605

You deserved it 7 541

By Anonymous - 03/02/2013 07:32 - Canada - Campbell River

Today, I was running late for work and quickly grabbed my outfit from the dryer. I heard the crackling of static as I took out my shirt. I didn't think anything of it, until later when my co-worker pointed out I had a thong stuck to my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 182

You deserved it 7 839

By etsl - 26/10/2008 12:07 - France

Today, I've learnt that the girl I love thinks I'm gay. To be honest, I'm having doubts too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 253

You deserved it 15 319

By atalose - 06/03/2017 07:00 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, my college professor said that anyone who misses the final next week automatically fails, "even if their grandmother died." My grandmother, the woman who raised me, died last night and her funeral is next week. Same day as the final. Across the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 372

You deserved it 358

By Ouchithurt - 04/08/2009 07:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 863

You deserved it 20 993

By snipsnip - 16/07/2016 01:14

Today, after finally growing my curly hair down to shoulder length, I decided to get it styled for a dinner date. The stylist rolled up the barrel brush on my head and it got stuck. Hello, pixie cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 577

You deserved it 1 002

By whyme27 - 09/09/2009 02:41 - Canada

Today, I washed one of my roommates t-shirts. I forgot to remove it before putting it in the dryer, and all the print on the front melted off. It was a gift from his girlfriend. Who has just passed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 509

You deserved it 20 329

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 09:53 - France

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 136

You deserved it 29 120

By 16seconds - 08/02/2010 01:56 - United States

Today, I had to buy a wrist splint for my carpal tunnel syndrome. Not because I'm a computer programmer or some hot shot web designer but because I spend ALL of my time playing Solitaire on my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 859

You deserved it 33 110

By Himynameisjacob - 05/01/2010 07:18 - United States

Today, I was told that, although I was sick on the last day before break, they would still accept the 24 page essay that I had written. Tonight, as I went to print it out, I found that my dad had "cleaned up a bit" on my computer, including the documents from last semester. I have school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 483

You deserved it 3 315

By Anonimo - 08/11/2012 21:22 - Italy - Monserrato

Today, after a year of living with my boyfriend at our new place, he told me that he wants to sell our house and live in a trailer, so he can be closer to his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 022

You deserved it 2 602

Grateful

By Anonymous - 29/03/2021 07:59

Today, it was sister’s birthday. I decided to give her money instead of a present, because I couldn’t come up with a gift idea. When she opened the envelope and took the $100 out, she looked at me and asked me if this was the best I could’ve done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 161

By Anonymous - 12/06/2018 09:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, for the 2nd time in a month, I've been rear-ended at a stop light. One insurance company refuses to pay because of prior damage from the 1st accident, and the other won't pay because of new damage not caused by their client. I just want my car back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 638

You deserved it 185

By Anonymous - 11/09/2015 10:51 - United States - Pleasantville

Today, while blissfully unaware that it was the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, I was making paper airplanes during my free period in school. Next thing I know, I was reported for, "making jokes about the 9/11 attacks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 398

You deserved it 8 832

By Anonymous - 30/09/2009 02:11 - Canada

Today, I received a surprise "absolute final notice" email for payment of an overdue fee from the university I withdrew from 6 months ago. Turns out, my old landlord has been hoarding their letters to me. As a result, my credit is now in the shitter and I had to pay an extra $120 in interest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 146

You deserved it 2 879

By YoungSmileBones - 15/08/2016 18:29 - United States - Lake Havasu City

Today, I'm so broke that I'm thinking about using a glass of whiskey and a pair of pliers to pull out my broken wisdom teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 981

You deserved it 1 312

Not now, Kevin

By Noname - 16/01/2009 17:31 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend struck up a conversation about the reproductive systems of seahorses. We were getting intimate at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 199

You deserved it 2 624

By stink - 04/09/2010 00:11

Today, my roommate informed me that he took a bet to not shower or bathe until Christmas. The bet is for five bucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 340

You deserved it 2 743

By jrocks - 19/05/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 855

You deserved it 70 534

By BikerGuy - 24/02/2016 06:31 - Canada - Alhambra

Today, the girl who likes me incredibly much asked me if she could come for a ride with me on my motorcycle. Normally this isn't a problem as I take lots of people out for rides for fun, but this time I had no choice but to tell her she couldn't because she's just too heavy for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 778

You deserved it 2 173

By worried - 16/08/2011 13:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I heard that a boy in my class had written a song about me. Intrigued, I went to see him perform. I spent 3 excruciating minutes listening to a song about 'the girl of his dreams', his tear-filled eyes staring into mine the whole time. I have to sit next to this freak for the next 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 673

You deserved it 55 195

By ouch - 07/08/2011 07:12 - Mexico

Today, I learned that my brakes don't work anymore on my bike. When did I learn this? While speeding down a really steep hill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 345

You deserved it 5 379

Everyone's an expert

By whatever mom - 23/07/2020 14:02

Today, my mother scolded me for undressing my son and giving him Tylenol to break his fever. She insisted I wrap him in several layers to increase his body temperature in order to let him "sweat the fever out." I’m married to a pediatrician. My mom didn’t finish high school. She swears we're wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 080

You deserved it 136

Hurry up

By lauren_rox - 08/11/2009 17:50 - Canada

Today, I was waiting at home for a phone call. While I was in the bathroom, the phone rang. I quickly stopped my business and ran out of the bathroom with my pants round my ankles. I leaped over the couch, tripping and then stubbing my toe while hopping to the phone. It was a telemarketer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 368

You deserved it 13 665

Weird reasoning

By Anonymous - 18/06/2021 06:01

Today, my girlfriend dumped me when I told her I once got out of jury duty. It was a legitimate reason with evidence from my neurosurgeon, but she thinks I should have done my civic duty, while enduring the pain of screws holding my skull together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 006

You deserved it 59

That's a funny word, mom

By Anonymous - 11/02/2021 22:59 - United States - Oakland

Today, I wanted to teach my students about history with dominoes. I thought the online video would be wholesome or relevant to history. Nope. The last domino was captioned "HENTAI." Students now get to explain to their parents that I exposed the word Hentai to their vocabulary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 809

Mind your own beeswax, Amanda

By look in the mirror bitch - 10/11/2020 14:04

Today, I called someone out for her brazen homophobia. She was ranting about how gays are sinners. When I mentioned that she had three children by three different men, all out of wedlock, and was currently living with her boyfriend, also considered a sin, she reported me to HR for harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 218

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Thursday 23 June 2011 11:58

talk about timing

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Thursday 23 June 2011 12:08

Are you in good hands..?

Comments

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Thursday 23 June 2011 11:58

talk about timing

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Thursday 23 June 2011 12:02

in Soviet Russia, tree takes down YOU.

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Thursday 23 June 2011 12:06

But the tree took down the car.

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Thursday 23 June 2011 12:24

have your insurance cover it and now the trees out the way. you got lucky haha

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Thursday 23 June 2011 12:34

Wait. So is the tree ok?

SunshineBoy21 0

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Thursday 23 June 2011 13:04

One week too late. On the bright side, you can use the money that you were going to use to remove the tree to fix your truck. ;) When one door closes, smash through a wall!

flockz 19

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Thursday 23 June 2011 13:47

31- for some reason i thought of the koolaid man when i read your comment lol

dolphincheddar 10

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Thursday 23 June 2011 14:27

35. probably the part about wall smashing. OH YEAAAAA

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Thursday 23 June 2011 15:00

PPPPPPFFFTTTTTTT! OOOOOHHHHH YEAAAHHH

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Thursday 23 June 2011 15:42

OOOOHHHHH YEEEEAAAA!!

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Thursday 23 June 2011 16:14

when I said you, I meant the car, as it is an extention of you.

boatingboy1011 0

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Thursday 23 June 2011 19:15

they were probably procrasterbating like they said in Tosh.0 (procrastinating by masturbating.)

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Thursday 23 June 2011 19:49

it's a shame. That trick was 2 days from retirement too right?

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Thursday 23 June 2011 19:52

truck*.. failjoke got worse

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Thursday 23 June 2011 20:02

he knew about the attack and he struck first

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Thursday 23 June 2011 20:32

Karma...

woosah 16

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Friday 24 June 2011 8:11

well that's out of the way then. make new plans for next week..

cherrybitches 6

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Thursday 23 June 2011 11:59

mother nature is so cruel sometimes

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Thursday 23 June 2011 12:22

So get Allstate and protect yourself from mayhem like me

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Thursday 23 June 2011 12:43

get allstate and get protected from mayhem like old falling trees...

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Thursday 23 June 2011 14:17

talk about a suicidal yet revengeful tree 

LaughinStock 16

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Thursday 23 June 2011 20:05

damnn nature you scary!

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Thursday 23 June 2011 21:22

haha I get the sxephil reference

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Friday 24 June 2011 3:44

hope the car was old to

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Saturday 17 December 2011 16:35

?

sweetdreams999 0

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Thursday 23 June 2011 11:59

haha that really sucks, fyl.

volley4eva1698 0

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Thursday 23 June 2011 16:26

well now the trees gone at least?

buck33 14

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 5:46

It went down with a fight

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Thursday 23 June 2011 12:02

blame it on fate for you Parking on that spot

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Thursday 23 June 2011 14:28

no it's not

iLazy 0

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Thursday 23 June 2011 14:34

Blame it on procrastination

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Thursday 23 June 2011 16:17

i don't Understand your capitalization.

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Thursday 23 June 2011 17:08

that's a iPod correction(I sun Luke it either

zgomon 10

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Friday 24 June 2011 4:53

I turned auto correct off on my IPod. Made me say shit that didnt make any sence. but then again, I cannot spell worth a damn.

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Thursday 23 June 2011 12:02

hope ya had insurance. new truck time!

chickenfriedCG 0

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Friday 24 June 2011 5:03

hope fully op has Allstate to protect him from mayhem like that.

JacksonCampbell 9

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Thursday 23 June 2011 12:04

It's a sign.

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Thursday 23 June 2011 12:48

No, it's a tree.

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Thursday 23 June 2011 14:50

it's a plane it's a bird no wait it's a tree

YacL 15

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Thursday 23 June 2011 15:47

How do you mistake a bird or a plane for a tree?

OceanBreathesSal 5

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Thursday 23 June 2011 16:28

no how does one mistake a SIGN for a tree?

angiedancesalott 8

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Thursday 23 June 2011 12:05

i think thats the trees way of punishing you for trying to cut it down. fyl.

helene123456789 0

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Friday 8 July 2011 6:28

ur ugly

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Monday 11 July 2011 11:26

I have some pants u can climb into?

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Thursday 23 June 2011 12:08

Are you in good hands..?

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Thursday 23 June 2011 12:12

at least, now you don't have to remove the tree. always think positive. do you need a bike? i got an old one.

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Friday 24 June 2011 0:57

haha .. nice

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Thursday 23 June 2011 12:13

I think tree is a pretty cool guy. eh, smashed your truck and doesn't afraid of anything.

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Thursday 23 June 2011 15:36

Took me a few times, but I finally understand your comment...

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 119

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 95