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By childofcrazy - United States - Milwaukee
Today, I went to visit my mother after many years. Her hoarding has gotten so bad that now the house is entirely filled with junk and garbage, and she is camping out in the jungle of a backyard, cooking on a cauldron over a fire and shitting in the compost pile, with no working heat or water. FML
I agree, your life sucks
28968
You deserved it
2401
childofcrazy tells us more :
Many thanks to those who understand hoarding behavior and who defended me. In case you were wondering: 1. I have tried to help my mother for over 20 years and she refuses help, professional or otherwise. 2. I exaggerated how long it has been. I have seen my mother many times, usually she visits me. She has not allowed into my childhood home since I left for college 12 years ago. It has just gotten worse now. She really is living in the backyard, this is not an exaggeration. 3. I am currently working on what to do for her; I am trying to get her some help in this crisis, even if that includes forceful removal. 4. Humor helps me deal with tragic circumstances. This is why I chose to share this ridiculously sad story. 5. Hoarding is never the child's fault. I have been living this down and getting over guilt my whole life. 6. I can only imagine being on TV would be akin to suicide for her, as hoarding is a secretive problem. 6. Kids, if you live in a cluttered landfill of a house, your parents' hoarding is its own mental disorder. It is an addiction. Childrenofhoarders.com is a great first resource. There is help. 7. Yes, I think my mom is probably doing spells in the backyard. I gotta get this shit figured out before winter. She is in Iowa.
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  thevelociraptor  |  31

There could have been a plethora of reasons for Op to want to stay away or even be incapable of visiting. In the past I would say never to abandon your family, (even for shorter periods) but I think just because someone is family doesn't mean there isn't a limit for how much you can forgive them.

Perhaps you could try to help your mother clean her place Op? That is, if she lets you and you are willing. Anyways, good luck.

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  eksyneet  |  23

#16 "clean her place" doesn't really work with hoarders, unfortunately. they believe that all that stuff is incredibly valuable and will never let anyone throw it away without getting professional help (= therapy) first.

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  Dynosaur_dollie  |  38

How do you know op abandoned them? what if they went away for university and couldn't afford to go home, or moved to a different city/country for a career opportunity and didn't have time or the funds to return. Or op's mum could be really unstable and distance was required for op's own safety /mental health. You really don't know why they haven't seen each other in years so you probably shouldn't be so judgemental, there's a whole ton of reasons one may not see someone for many years.

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  PANDORUM89  |  21

I learned early on that you are not responsible for other people, including family. Yes parents are responsible for their children until they become adults but after that they don't HAVE to care for you anymore. Children do not need to care for and stop their own life because of an adult even their parents.
You can only do so much for certain people and sometimes it is in your best interest to remove people from your life, even family members.
A hoarder can be a very toxic person and I feel bad for OP for having to grow up with that. She can suggest getting g help and even bringing in a professional. but unless her mother wants help the only thing she can do is make sure her mother is alive and doing okay.

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  archnarquibquib  |  21

Just because OP may not have had contact with their mother for years, doesn't mean they have abandoned her. My grandpa for instance had back surgery 13 years ago and cannot travel across the country to visit us. We cannot visit him because we don't make enough to buy plane tickets to go and see him. You never know what keeps two people apart.

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  laurarossiox  |  11

#8 was harsh but kind of true. My family and I abandoned my mom and she ended up with a very bad habit as well. She died alone last year.... Please don't make the same mistake. Get her some help. She may not want it now, but she needs to realize that she's going to lose everyone.

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