Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was at my brother's graduation. His mom was taking pictures of him in his cap and gown, but she got a picture of me sucking off a Coke bottle for a laugh, and she posted it on Facebook. FML
Today, my dad was making a sandwich in the kitchen. Hungry, I snuck in and grabbed it, running back to my room and devouring it. Later at dinner, he dumped a whole scoop of rice in my lap. We all ended up laughing as we cleaned it. FML
Today, as a prank I shook my girlfriend's can of soda. I hadn't noticed that it was already open. FML
Today, my mom hosted a high-school reunion. I had to prepare dessert, while my brother cooked dinner. Being the absolute dickhead that he is, he switched the sugar with salt. All the desserts I made tasted like shit, everyone left, and I got grounded for my supposed prank. FML
Today, during a party, my drunk mother stumbled over to take a picture of me and my brother. She told me to put a party blower in my mouth for the picture, but I politely declined. She threatened to spank me in front of everyone if I didn't do it. FML
Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML
Today, I saw my little brother drink from the milk carton, gag, and spit the milk back in. FML
Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML
Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML
Today, while waiting for my name to be called at the doctor's office, a little boy threw a Dixie cup full of water at me, making it look like I wet my pants. His mom just laughed and dragged him off. FML
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Top comments
sawdy 0
your dad is a BBEAST!!!!!!!!!
shaniqualee 2
Suck the foam off
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Comments (228)
rawrchimichangas 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! that's good. i bet people will be metioning this at your grad. (: or your brother's.... who's ever comes first.
TheLetterZero 7
I've never seen so many posts by the OP... Amazing... Oh, and a school spaghetti dinner? I wish I had one of those.
XxCoolPersonxX 0
hahhaha your dad is freaking AWESOME! thank you for tge laugh
lucich 0
haaa, this is great ! my parents would totally be the ones who MEANT to say it, just like that. wooo, go dad, ha, (:
tbbays04 0
Haha. DO you have any nicknames relating to that? Haha ccus that would be he funniest thing ever.
Higgy531 0
OP is awesome for responding to people's comments.
gbhlaughingstock 0
Haha and you all are awesome for the hilarious comments. ;D
TheCashMan88 0
if I were you, I would have joined in. "yeah, mom, just like that! Suck it dry!"
Byron_1991 0
thats kinda weird....
justanotherfml 0
HAHA I moderated this :)
TheCashMan88 0
HAHA nobody gives a shit.
gbhlaughingstock 0
HAHA I do. It's like people who tell the president that they voted for him. >:D
TheCashMan88 0
Of course you do. it's your FML. Nobody else gives a shit on whether or not they moderated it.
Maddoctor 10
So...if no one cares then why do people bother to respond with "no one cares if you moderated this"? That kind of sounds like caring to me. Just saying. OP, you are very awesome for responding to people. It still gives me hope that most of the FMLS on this site are real.
kbaker90 0
Your father=win
mylifesucks07 2
This FML actually made me laugh out loud. Absolutely awesome fml. Your dad is hilarious