Miscellaneous: Today, I was at the laundromat doing my clothes when I noticed...

By Laundrylady - 18/08/2009 20:52 - United States

Today, I was at the laundromat doing my clothes when I noticed a cute guy next to me. I tried to be a ninja and sneak my sock into his basket so I could start a conversation with him. He saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 445

You deserved it 71 364

Miscellaneous

Stop talking!

Hiding from the drama

Stress test

By Burny - 12/10/2017 16:00

Today, my partner took a shower while in the middle of cooking something. My eyes are still burning from the smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 793

You deserved it 270

By Puppylove - 26/02/2013 18:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my friend's house, when she commented that her dog's fur kept getting tangled because of its length. I reached over to tickle his tummy, felt a big tangled knot and agreed that he needed a good grooming. Then I realized what I'd grabbed wasn't fur. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 847

You deserved it 10 248

By anonymous - 15/01/2012 05:58 - United States

Today, my crush grabbed my butt while I was walking up the stairs. In surprise I farted. He won't even look me in the eyes now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 451

You deserved it 7 641

By Anonymous - 17/12/2014 20:09 - United States

Today, I felt a horrible pain while having sex with my wife, and I had to stop. I thought it was a hernia or something, but she called me a liar and accused me of everything from not finding her attractive, to me cheating on her. It turned out I had appendicitis. She still won't apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 301

You deserved it 3 025

By tracy4191 - 13/06/2016 15:27 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, I found out my grandma has been slipping laxatives into my food. Apparently, I was constipated once as a child and "once constipated, always constipated." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 450

You deserved it 786

By noname - 22/12/2008 11:54 - France

Today, I decide to go to my ex-girlfriend's house to bring her stuff back. I broke up with her earlier this week after a 2 year relationship, and I'd hoped she would have realized her mistake and ask me to stay for a bit and talk. I ring the doorbell and her new boyfriend opens the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 118

You deserved it 11 088

By Dlord357 - 07/11/2011 14:24 - United States

Today, I had to deliver pizza to a nudist colony. I got an eyeful of more than I needed to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 982

You deserved it 3 989

By erockinthesuburb - 16/10/2013 00:38 - United States - Noblesville

Today, I was maced. Not by a person, but rather by one of those automatic air fresheners in the bathroom. It was conveniently placed at eye level, you know, for freshness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 144

You deserved it 3 278

By Craig - 05/02/2009 20:13 - United States

Today, I was awarding medals to finalists in a school club. While putting one around someones neck, I ended up poking a girl in the eye. She tried to be a trooper by continuing to walk across stage but i guess her eyes got really watery because she missed the step and fell, breaking her ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 218

You deserved it 7 959

By Chris75 - 01/09/2011 09:55 - United States

Today, my whole family piled into our station wagon just to watch my mom take part in an arm wrestling contest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 523

You deserved it 3 840

By perverted teenage girl - 29/11/2016 21:51

Today, my crush was giving a presentation in class. I zoned out and began staring off into space - which happened to be in the exact direction of his crotch. When I realized what I was doing, I quickly looked up at his face. He was already looking at me, with an expression of severe discomfort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 039

You deserved it 1 862

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 21:15 - United States - Chicago

Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 365

You deserved it 6 115

By funy_hunie - 02/08/2019 06:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, while lying in bed, I was so lonely that I put a heavy blanket in front of me so it felt like I was spooning someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 222

By iusedprotectionanyway - 21/03/2014 21:44 - New Zealand - Waitakere

Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 043

You deserved it 3 488

By Maggie - 18/03/2013 19:38 - United States

Today, my husband woke up, rolled over, and said, "Good morning, beautiful." He hasn't called me that in months, but as I was about to reply, I realized he was talking to his pet turtle, not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 545

You deserved it 3 489

By WhyDoINeedAName - 13/03/2013 19:51 - Canada - Okotoks

Today, as always, I'm dating one of the few girls who, without fail, always finishes first when we get intimate. She's also one of those girlfriends who doesn't want to continue once she's done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 345

You deserved it 8 158

By forever alone - 09/05/2015 23:03 - Germany - Apolda

Today, my boyfriend told me that we wouldn't move in together as we had planned to do for a long time. His mother forbade it. He is 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 098

You deserved it 3 040

By Anonymous - 24/04/2014 15:35 - United Kingdom - Montrose

Today, I got my car cleaned. As I drove home, the passenger of the van in front of me vomited out the window. The vomit sailed back and splattered all over the front of my car. A waste of £10 and a mental image that will never go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 164

You deserved it 3 405

Freaky.

By Anonymous - 12/04/2018 05:00

Today, according to my mother, who is only 19 years older than me and raised me by herself, I was conceived in a satanic ritual to honour the Horned God and have at least 4 potential fathers. She was too stoned to remember the actual number or their names. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 019

You deserved it 363

Emergency!

By Rebecca - 28/05/2021 20:01

Today, looking out of my window, I spotted a fire raging in the building across from my apartment. Grabbing my phone, I dashed out to the balcony, only to slam into the screen door instead. After calling 911, I sprinted back out, only to clock the door a second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 309

Lonely, so lonely

By Gina Marie Lombardi - 31/07/2021 11:01

Today, I realized how lonely I am when someone called my number by mistake and I talked with them for 5 minutes. I don’t know who she was, but I'm so lonely I was happy to have someone engage in a conversation, even if it was about her calling the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 83

By terrified - 09/08/2015 03:10 - United States - Forest City

Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 350

You deserved it 2 431

By Anonymous - 26/02/2017 19:00 - United States - Shreveport

Today, while at work for a dog groomer, I picked up a new puppy that came in for a groom. I held it up at face level with me, baby talking it, when it promptly began peeing. Luckily, it didn't get on my clothes. Unluckily, it got onto my face and into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 700

You deserved it 1 986

By Anonymous - 20/09/2018 03:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I wanted to talk about marriage and our future with my boyfriend of over 10 years. My 30-year-old boyfriend responded by hiding under a blanket and pretending he couldn't hear me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 028

You deserved it 662

By friend - 29/06/2012 20:48 - Israel - Rishon Le Zion

Today, I was babysitting a little girl, and we were playing with dolls. After we fed her babies, we put them down for a nap. After a few minutes, I asked if they'd had enough sleep. She looked at me like I was a freak and said, "Uh, they're not real babies, you know..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 614

You deserved it 3 663

Do Not Pass Go

By Rex - 16/09/2017 16:15 - United States - Camden

Today, I started at a new college. I bought my textbooks and went to my first class only to find out that they changed my schedule without telling me. I'd already opened the book. I could not get $200 back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 598

You deserved it 322

By pmek - 26/03/2012 09:11 - Australia - Collingwood

Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 350

You deserved it 3 253

By Anonymous - 13/06/2009 22:16 - United States

Today, in the bathroom during the ACTs, my hair got stuck in the electric hand dryer. I had to rip my hair out. For future reference, hair + hand dryer = dreadlocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 115

You deserved it 12 625

By stonehengeva - 27/07/2015 03:00 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, the drive-thru lady at Taco Bell broke my debit card and tried to hide it by wrapping it in a receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 745

You deserved it 1 745

By Tom - 15/06/2009 10:07 - Israel

Today, I was woken up by a funky smell. My dog had eaten a dead bird and thrown up all over my bed and floor. At 4 o'clock in the morning I had to clean up regurgitated bits of bird, feathers, blood and dog food. The smell still hasn't gone away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 385

You deserved it 3 575

By Anonymous - 05/12/2012 20:05 - United States

Today, I gave a homeless man my last bit of spare change so he could get on the bus. Just as I was about to get on too, I realized I'd lost my bus card. I had to get off the bus and watch as the man waved at me through the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 206

You deserved it 3 115

By WhyGodWhy - 18/10/2016 06:33 - United States - Addison

Today, I spent the first night in my new home as a first-time homeowner. I was relaxing and enjoying the feeling of having my own space when I reached over to get my glasses and came back with a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 584

You deserved it 795

By hoo flung pu - 03/10/2013 08:26 - United States

Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 183

You deserved it 3 701

By Anonymous - 21/08/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, everyone in my department got a raise except for me. Last week, I had been the one who asked for a raise for me and my fellow department members. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 622

You deserved it 3 391

By Rodrigeuz26 - 22/01/2010 07:26 - United States

Today, I was sitting in IHOP with my girlfriend of six months when she brought in her son of three years she had neglected to tell me about, and asked 'Does this change things?' FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 194

You deserved it 4 468

Piercing wit

By piercingfreak - 28/08/2011 10:41 - New Zealand

Today, I went in to see my piercer. He took one look at my piercing I got a few months ago and laughed saying "What a shit job, I'm sorry but that's pretty crappy because it's not even straight!" I then had to awkwardly explain it was indeed him who had pierced me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 801

You deserved it 4 095

By Anonymous - 15/11/2009 14:47 - Canada

Today, after dating for almost five years, my boyfriend stated that I have a "perfect and amazing personality" but that my looks are not what he "envisioned himself spending the rest of his life with." In other words, I'm ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 727

You deserved it 3 944

By szinna - 07/06/2009 19:14 - United States

Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said, "Is the ground beef in the freezer still good?" When I answered yes, he turned and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 964

You deserved it 6 758

By willtype4food - 10/09/2012 00:45 - Finland

Today, uncertain of having a job next month or being able to pay rent, I'm filling out tens of online surveys a day for gift cards to McDonald's, to buy hamburgers that I can freeze so I will have food for the coming months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 744

You deserved it 2 909

By SimG - 07/07/2013 12:35 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I was going to fight the guy who my girlfriend left me for. While waiting at the park, he sent me a video of the two of them having sex on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 026

You deserved it 24 137

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Copilot 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 2:02

What the fuck kind of conversation are you going to start with a sock in his basket? "Oh hey I accidentally put this sock in your basket my name is crazy bitch, its nice to meet you!"

Jacks_Penguin 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 2:01

YDI for not knowing how to start conversations without pulling stupid stunts.

rebel_yell_tiny 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 1:59

oh wow haha

reapfml 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 2:18

at least they can have a conversation now :D

HahaYDI 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 2:45

I'm replying to be seen at the top (Yeah, at least I admit it) Sounds like you are a stalker, might want to get a life maybe?

reapfml 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 2:57

How does that make her a stalker?

unkinged44 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 3:06

REAL real police finding real fmls so you dont have to (suck it fake police)

untalented1 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 3:09

i agree. i'd be annoyed at you too, no matter how pretty you are.

a1mostevi1 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 4:35

ydi for being an ostrich.

blakehilli8 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 4:43

Lold

big_hairyman 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 7:04

Did you happen to be wearing your ninja suit that day? Because if you were even if he didn't catch you it would start a weird Convo and a new fml post. Today some chick dressed as a ninja put her nasty sock in my basket then tried to play it off.fml

F00tball_Playa 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 7:08

fuckin retarded!!!!

F00tball_Playa 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 7:11

YDI for being a fat whore who would probably have eaten the socks if you weren't so obsessed with trying to get one complete stranger to notice how fat n ugly you are! OINK OINK BITCH!

turtlellama 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 7:40

GP08 that made me laugh so much!! Haha thank you!

kyle_kbo20 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 8:58

TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF THERE #148?

Alexxx_Anarchist 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 12:03

"I accidentally my whole sock in your basket." "The whole thing? Wow. Here you go.." *awkward silence* "Wanna shag?" "Sure, why not?"

Subal_fml 8

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 12:36

^ I lol'd at the first part.

CrackhouseDoug 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 15:52

YDI for not owning a laundry machine.

americayay 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 19:48

This is JUST NOT an FML.

Gorsbug823 0

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Monday 24 May 2010 6:34

I agree with 61

ShadowSneaker360 16

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Thursday 16 January 2014 23:58

LOL

SaintJimmy 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 1:59

He must've thought you were crazy. I bet you are.

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 2:07

Maybe she just doesn't have great social skills. OP: Nice try, but fail :P

LOLOLOLOLOLOL123 2

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 2:01

I love you now.

tpag3r 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 2:04

ilove you for being a girl that is cool enough to try to pull of ninjaskillz in public and i would suggest not trying anything like bras or panties until your skills improve

ohreally123 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 4:51

clearly she has no real ninja skills because she got caught.

Kiwi_Splash 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 12:10

HAHAH SAME! I love you for doing that. Although YDI, nice work. I hoped you never got caught :P Good luck with the guy hahah x

DeathByFalchion 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 2:01

At least it was only a sock. Stick to those until your ninja skills improve.

Chrystophyr 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 7:14

Ninja fail.

awkward_turtles 1

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Sunday 6 February 2011 3:20

epic ninja fail

Daviddwd 0

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 23:38

u shudda left a thong

Jacks_Penguin 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 2:01

YDI for not knowing how to start conversations without pulling stupid stunts.

Copilot 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 2:02

What the fuck kind of conversation are you going to start with a sock in his basket? "Oh hey I accidentally put this sock in your basket my name is crazy bitch, its nice to meet you!"

RJB 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 2:04

I think she would have been like Hey How you doing, oh my socks couldnt find this anywhere haha yeah wats ur name? Johnny urs? Lenna wanna get lunch? Sure though it would have mor stubstance then this this would be the gist of it.

Gisellee 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 3:46

thats exactly what i was trying to figure out. hahaha.

friedchickenpie 14

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Saturday 23 June 2012 19:26

Nono, 6. More like this. "Hey I accidentally put my sock in your basket Ha that's so crazy It's got my number in it So call me, maybe" *runs away*

safaeita 32

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Sunday 15 December 2013 15:38

haha , OP is obviously shy that's all

RJB 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 2:02

You tried to be a ninja? Thats pretty fucking funny lol

ryoga 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 2:03

So you pulled a Naruto, eh?

RESTAREA 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 2:30

FAIL I'm sorry, but Naruto is the lamest excuse for a ninja I have ever seen. Even White Ninja beats Naruto.

fmlthepornaddict 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 2:34

excuse me but naruto is the most popular manga in the world,and hes awesomely hot and rules,and he can also do all that ninja jazz,so dont go dissing something very popular cuz ppl will diss u back

RESTAREA 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 2:45

xD Thanks for making me laugh :3 "Awesomely hot", eh? You're as bad as the Twilight addicts. And you're pathetic for thinking that I'm going to be scared about Naruto fans "dissing" me. Enjoy your future of dressing up your cats to look like Naruto :3

TheLetterZero 7

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 3:49

Most popular =/= best. Naruto is an insult towards ninjas like Twilight is an insult towards vampires. Besides, One Piece is way better. I wouldn't be surprised if the OP was wearing bright orange clothing.

Night22_fml 4

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 4:08

White ninja power!! Fight the failrutos!!

anewmoonrising 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 5:04

JSYK naruto is not by any means the most popular manga/anime in the world. In the US maybe, but not the world. I know that Fullmetal Alchemist outranks it in the anime capital of the world, Japan and I do believe that Bleach outranks it in the US. Inuyasha may as well. Do your research, dude. And to the OP, how exactly do you even start a conversation with a sock? are you like, Oh, there's that sock i've been missing.....how'd it get there? Anyway, now that i've proven that i'm trying way too hard to start a conversation, want to go to lunch with me? I mean, really. Fail. YDI.