Miscellaneous: Today, I walked over to join a group of friends and heard them... - FML

By ellarose - United States

Today, I walked over to join a group of friends and heard them talking about how hot some guy was but how ugly his sister was. I asked who they were talking about and there was an awkward silence, they hadn't realized I was there. Apparently, they were talking about my brother. FML

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Messed up

Shot from both sides

Motormouth

By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my boss put me on suspension for violating company policy by having non-work related mail in my inbox. They were spam emails. FML

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By cutiepatootie - United States

Today, I was getting ready for a party and accidentally knocked my blender off the counter. After taking a half an hour to clean up all the glass, I went upstairs to get the spare blender I keep in the closet. I tripped, and broke the blender. I just applied for a waitressing job. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while practicing my gymnastics routine on the uneven bars, I was so distracted by my teammates' conversation about a party later that I miscalculated my flip and smacked my head on a bar. Ten stitches and a concussion later, I was left alone in the hospital. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was being driven to get my wisdom teeth removed and I was panicking all the way there. When we got to the office, I was told that I'd been brought in on the wrong day, and that I have to do this all over again tomorrow. FML

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By Sam

Today, I went to the doctor to get my swollen lymph nodes checked. As it turns out, they aren't swollen. I'm just fat. FML

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By fittingroompotty - United States

Today, the fitting room of the store I worked in smelled really bad. The customers started to complain and since I was on fitting room duty I went to go investigate. A middle aged woman pooped on the floor and then put the chair on top to cover it. FML

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By scarletdurose88 - United States

Today, is my 21st birthday. I get home after my night out and walk into the garage to see a 2002 Red Corvette convertible. I run up to the car thinking its a gift and there's a note: "Dani this is not your birthday present. Quit drooling on my car. -Dad" Thanks Dad. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, on Thanksgiving, I asked my kid what she is thankful for. "My tablet." I had just told her I was thankful for her. FML

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By jordigs - United States

Today, the elderly couple next door asked me to cut down a tree in their yard. It turns out they told me to cut down the wrong tree, and I cut down the tree they got married under. They now hate me and tell me they plan to sue me for damage to property. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my boss for a raise. I pointed out that due to a technicality, if he hired someone to replace me, he'd have to pay them more anyway. He said he'd gladly pay more for "someone who knows his god-damn place" and made it clear I'll be jobless very soon. FML

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By creepedout - United States

Today, I was at the airport. A creepy man smiled at me, so I politely smiled back. I then realized his shirt said "Smile if you take it in the ass." He then winked at me and walked off. FML

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By ChildhoodTerror

Today, my cousin left her undisciplined demon-child at my house for Christmas. This child destroyed the other children's gifts and made so much noise that the neighbors called the police. The adults can't really discipline her while her mother is away, so all we can do is apologize in this child's wake. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I went in for my 2nd day working at my internship. My bosses greeted me and told me we were going to have a meeting. The meeting was to listen to the drunk voicemails I left them on Saturday. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I received a text message from my favorite sister saying "Great news! The technology in condoms has improved so much that they ensure that accidents like you won't ever happen again!" Today's my birthday. FML

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By ashamedklutz - United Kingdom - Dunfermline

Today, with a single misstep, I managed to send myself and several others tumbling down a stairwell at work. An ambulance ended up having to be called for one lady. FML

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By Country - 12/2/2021 14:30 - United States - Huntsville

Happy Valentine's…

Today, I finally got my stimulus check and was big excited to be able to cash it and buy Valentine's Day gifts. The very second turn out of our driveway, dude and I got T-boned. Our only vehicle, with only two payments remaining, appears totalled. FML

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By ertyo - Romania - Oradea

Today, it's Christmas Eve. I was the happiest ever realizing that all the bills are paid, all the presents are bought, all the food is ready, and I still have some money left. This my biggest accomplishment so far as a young adult. Until I realized I don't have a tree. Adulting is hard. FML

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By Harry641 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, I got accused of ruining my girlfriend's birthday, all because I accidentally got her the same birthday present as her mother did. FML

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By AlyssaBC - United States

Today, I received an e-mail from the Unemployment Department saying they had a job referral for me. After excitedly reading the description, I realised it was the job I'd just been fired from (at a much higher pay). If I don't go through the application process, I will be denied my unemployment. FML

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By Anonymous

Oops.

Today, within 24 hours at my new security job, I accidentally tasered the head of security in the groin, causing him to piss himself. FML

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By LovesHisHand - United States

Today, I was in my 15-year-old sister’s room when I found birth control pills. I told my parents, who responded by saying, "Sex is beautiful thing." When I was her age my parents caught me pleasuring myself, and smashed my laptop with a hammer, all while calling me "filthy" and "immoral". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Santa Ana

Today, I bought a new beanbag chair. My cat thought it was a great scratcher and I now have thousands of tiny plastic balls around the house. He decided those looked yummy, and now the scent of vomit and plastic is awful. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2021 08:02

I guess that's why they call it an intravitreal injection

Today, the eye doctor told me I only had 90% vision on my left eye, and asked if I wanted treatment. Not being terribly bothered by it, I asked what the treatment would consist of. "We'll stick a large needle in your eye, and pump in some medicine." I quickly wished him a pleasant day and left. FML

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By JudasThePriest - United States - Greensboro

Today, while delivering pizzas, someone ordered $19.41 in pizza and wings. After finally finding her appartment, she paid me in two sandwich bags full of pennies and nickels. I had to count them out before giving her the pizza. We aren't allowed to enter the residence, and it was 22 degrees. FML

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By happyshit - United States

Today, I was driving when I saw someone pulled over on the side of the road. Wanting to help, I pulled over. In so doing, I ran over a nail, which popped my tire. The guy had just pulled over to pee. FML

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By myennechee - Germany

Today, I asked my boyfriend while he was eating potato chips if he wanted to eat me. He looked at the potato chips, he looked at me and said "Unless your vagina turns into a potato chip, I'd rather eat these." FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend cheated on me. But he justified it by saying she was a ginger. FML

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By LoveStinks

Today, I asked a girl what time she'd like me to pick her up for our date tonight. She didn't know what I was talking about. It seems like, after months of sweaty palms, nervous smiles, and awkward sentences, I only dreamed she said yes to going out. FML

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By georgiahick

Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML

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By agstadra - Canada

Today, I was sitting in a parked car. A woman was having difficulties maneuvering out. She honked the horn repeatedly for me to move, then looked me in the eye and called me a "f**king bitch", before driving off. I was in the passenger seat. FML

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By mylifesucks - France - Paris

Today, my girlfriend and I made love. She stared at her One Direction poster the whole time. FML

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By lizzie - United States

Today, I was going to a talent show. On the way there, my car broke down, I lost my keys and managed to slam my hand in a window. I got there and waited in the theater for an hour before a janitor came by and said, "Show is tomorrow, lady." FML

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By #[email protected]

Today, the guy I've fallen for and have been dating on and off for 2 years told me that he kept contacting me to re-connect because he missed hanging out with me, but didn't actually have any feelings for me. I already paid for a non-refundable weekend away as his Christmas present for us both. FML

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By catdog552 - United States

Today, while I was studying for an exam, my younger sister came home extremely drunk and threw up all over herself and her bed. I later got grounded for not setting a better example. FML

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By Annettedarling - United Kingdom

Today my dog acted out a scene from Disney with me, by causing me and a member of the opposite sex to fall into a river after tangling our legs with the lead. No, it didn't lead to marriage, just me being yelled at. FML

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By Nik - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pratt

Today, I told my boyfriend the dentist said my blood pressure was high. He was more interested in the fact that the dentist took my blood pressure than my blood pressure being high. FML

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By "mynameissecretlyjeff" - United States

Today, my brother put a mac-n-cheese cup in the microwave without any water. My entire house smells like burnt cardboard. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

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By lotd - United Kingdom - Henley On Thames

Today, as I sat down for my flight, I realised that the passenger I had to sit next to for the next seven hours was wearing a necklace made from tampon packaging. FML

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Top comments

By dontfwml | 0

#100611 - Saturday 11 April 2009 2:01

dont spend time with ppl who talk shit about you :)

By omggsucks | 0

#100564 - Saturday 11 April 2009 1:50

What great friends you have..fyl.

COMMENTS

By Savvy89 | 0

#100561 - Saturday 11 April 2009 1:49

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

foodlord | 5

#4257515 - Wednesday 4 April 2012 11:10

Get some abs before posting pics like that on your profile :L

Reply

quazimozart | 19

#6717917 - Wednesday 30 November 2016 14:02

That's not how it works.

By omggsucks | 0

#100564 - Saturday 11 April 2009 1:50

What great friends you have..fyl.

Reply

Oreohugzpenny | 4

#4643666 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 0:03

Get new friends. Your old ones are bitchs!

By Singularity_fml | 0

#100577 - Saturday 11 April 2009 1:52

FML needs a spell-checker.

By DisturbedDriver | 0

#100595 - Saturday 11 April 2009 1:57

Get some new friends.

By ThisisLegit | 0

#100596 - Saturday 11 April 2009 1:57

:[

By itsTiffany | 0

#100597 - Saturday 11 April 2009 1:57

Harsh...

By dontfwml | 0

#100611 - Saturday 11 April 2009 2:01

dont spend time with ppl who talk shit about you :)

By lnm701 | 0

#100613 - Saturday 11 April 2009 2:02

That's unnecessarily bitchy. Get new friends.

By Jaxro | 6

#100629 - Saturday 11 April 2009 2:09

What great friends you have there.....

By Bry_fml | 0

#100631 - Saturday 11 April 2009 2:09

I'm the brother. Sorry, Ella. Mom did say I was the 'good-looking' one of us two. :|