By Anonymous - 24/5/2020 23:00

Bad news

Today, I was hanging out with my friends and my sister, we were all wasted and I was making jokes. My sister then gets a phone call, I leave the room to get a drink and I hear everyone go a bit silent I come back in and all of the sudden everyone looks at me. My friend says, "Um… I'm so sorry, your mom passed." FML

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Family values

Time don't heal nothing

Relationships sink

By blairheir721 - United States

Today, my friend Kate and I were helping build a playground. Halfway through, a construction worker asks where we go to school. I told him we graduated and proudly held degrees in psych. The construction worker stopped mid-dig, glanced at us sadly and said, "yeah that's what my degree's in too." FML

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By Latina - United States - Phoenix

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me he wanted to learn Korean before Spanish. Apparently, being able to sing along to Gangnam Style is more important to him than being able to speak with my family. FML

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By roidrager - United States - Clearwater

Today, the steroids I was prescribed for a slightly irritating sinus infection have worked, albeit at the price of making me almost shit my pants multiple times. My sinuses are now clear enough that I get the full scent of my steroid-induced diarrhea. FML

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By Jack.mercado - United States

Today, being the new driver I am, I was trying to keep my speed at posted because I know that cops will target me. I ended up getting pulled over for my too-low speed and given a ticket because I was holding up a line of cars. FML

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By You're NOT getting lucky today hun - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after confronting my boyfriend about cheating on me, he confessed to everything. I was caught off guard by his honesty, but not nearly as caught off guard as I was when he eagerly questioned me on when our breakup sex will be. FML

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By

Today, has been a very long day, so I shall simply say there is a car in my bedroom. Yes a car. It's entirely my husband's fault, we have no idea how we're supposed to remove it, and there's oil all down my favourite pyjamas. FML

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By ugly - United States

Today, I saw a facebook status that said, 'Wedding today. Ugly people belong together.' I'm getting married today. FML

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By Fought The Law - United States

Today, my elderly neighbor called the police because my cat was in her yard. I now have a citation and a court date. Apparently, there is a leash law for cats in my town, and it is taken very seriously. FML

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By num1piglover - United States - Raritan

Today, my dad told my mom to only drop off my sister for Thanksgiving and not me. Guess I was wrong about him wanting to work on our relationship. FML

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By Kika - France

Today, the phone rang. I run to get the call, I trip, fall on a metal chair. Tears in my eyes and out of breath I pick up... "Hi, do you have a minute to answer a few questions? It's for a survey." FML

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By theregoesmyspermcount - United States

Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2020 20:01

Twinned

Today, I realized my boyfriend is a little too much like my ex, who passed away 6 years ago. Some days, it's as if I'm dating his personality doppleganger. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dallas

Today, I blacked out at a wedding as a bridesmaid, during the service. FML

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By Urinator - United Kingdom - Inchture

Today, I invited a girl back to my house and she seemed cool. I then left to go to the toilet. When I came back, there was a giant wet patch on the rug. The girl then blamed it on my dog, whose picture is on the wall. My dog died last week. FML

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By teebs - United States - San Leandro

Long wait

Today, on my way for a vacation, my car started misfiring, so I called a tow truck. 40 minutes later the tow truck arrived. He then said that he had just gotten another priority call, so he was leaving and someone would be back in another hour to get us. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, feeling melancholy, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

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By AbandonedHouseWife - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I woke up and found a little note where my husband should have been. It said, "We've had some good times, hun, but it's time for me to move on." We've been married for 15 years, and have 3 children. FML

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By groundedasfuck - United States - Bessemer

Today, I snuck out of the house to go to a party. When I got back later, I tried climbing back up the rope-ladder I'd set up earlier, leading back through my bedroom window. I was halfway up when it broke free. I sprained both my ankles and had to shamefully ring the doorbell to get back in. FML

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By WhyTheEff - United States

Today, I woke up to find my house TP'd. I also noticed our entire house was devoid of toilet paper. Someone had broken in just to steal our toilet paper and TP our own house with it. FML

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By JellyBite - Iceland - Akureyri

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to take a nap. When I asked him why he wanted to take a nap in the middle of the day, he said, "To make time go by faster." He's leaving in 9 days. We're going to be 3,000 miles apart. For a long time. FML

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By kris - United States

Today, my mom let it slip that she was divorcing my dad. After making me promise to keep it from him and my little sisters, she had me help her with her plans to renovate the house. She intends to kick him out once it's done. FML

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By crazytortise - United States

Today, I was syphoning some gas from my truck to my friend's car just enough to get to the gas station. I told my friend to let me know when the gas was coming; he said, "Alright." Suddenly, I got a mouth full of gas because he was on his phone taking a video of me. He got the whole thing. FML

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By DimeShapedBruise - United States - Beaverton

Today, some asshat chewed me out over a 10 cent late fine he was charged on his library card. When I tried to explain the fine to him, he started mimicking me. Finally, as he chucked a dime at my head before storming out, I saw the glint of a Rolex watch from beneath his power suit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bradenton

Today, my father told me that my mental health issues, which have been confirmed by multiple doctors and tests, are all caused by the fact that I'm slightly overweight and don't exercise a lot. FML

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By Kens - Canada

Today, I was on the bus home and on the phone with my best friend discussing my sex life with this new guy I'm seeing. I was telling her all sorts of raunchy sex things we've done until someone taps my shoulder and says "I'm sure he doesn't appreciate you saying this in public." It was his mom. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Sackville

Today, my crazy drug-addict mother kicked me out of the house after siding with my crazy, drug-addict aunt, who'd just threatened to slit my throat. FML

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By justhereforlaughs - United States

Today, while at the beach, my little brother's hat blew off. I chased after it before I completely lost sight and realized I was no match for the wind. I get back and he's wearing the hat. I chased a fucking trash bag for a mile thinking it was his hat. FML

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By Pip - United States

Today, my girlfriend was crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said her husband was going to divorce her for seeing me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, as I was pulling out of my apartment complex, I was rear-ended. When I got out of my car to see how bad the damage was, I wondered why the other guy wasn't getting out of his. As it turns out, he was busy pleasing himself. I found out when I approached his car. FML

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By kaycie_lynn - United States

Today, I chuckled at a "no smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML

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By good_job_john - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend on my boat at the lake. As we were looking at the mountains all around us, she playfully pushed me off the side into the water. As I got back on the boat, I realized that not only was my cellphone dead, but the ring had fallen into the deep water. FML

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By samantha - Singapore

Today, I was sick with the flu so my boyfriend announced that he would make me some chicken soup. It was touching until I stumbled to the kitchen and found out that his "chicken soup" was actually leftover KFC bones boiled in water. FML

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By trojan72

Today, marks a whole month that my boss has asked me to come in early to my part-time job, which makes me pretty happy to get the extra hours. I casually made a joke that she might as well make me full-time now. That made her change her mind, now I'm back down to 23 hours a week. FML

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By Pururururin - 11/6/2020 08:08

Sounds bad

Today, I accidentally deleted an audio file for my first professional video project. Impossible to do a retake, because the production budget was so tight. The audio from the camera sounds bad and file recovery program still can't help. Also, the deadline is this week. FML

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By glitterzebra - United States

Today, I realized that I can tell how long it has been since I have been with a guy, by the length of my leg hair. FML

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By Username - France

Today, I found out my grandmother doesn't wear underwear when she bent over in front of me in her inappropriately short nightgown. FML

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By lakb

Today, I missed work because I was at the hospital getting treated for accidentally inhaling chlorine gas. I didn't realize that using Comet Industrial Strength Cleanser to scrub out a cat litter pan could be so hazardous. FML

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By Anonytard - Canada - Toronto

Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML

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By bbns - Germany

Today, I organized a party, invited a girl I've been secretly in love with for years, as well as a friend of mine who brought along an unknown mate of his. The party was fine, although the unknown mate threw up all over the floor. Now, the girl is dating that unknown mate and is in love with him. FML

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Top comments

By ojoRojo | 25

#7908613 - Monday 25 May 2020 0:55

I can’t even make a clever comment on this, I’m just so sorry for your loss :(

By mariepastyglue | 30

#7908693 - Monday 25 May 2020 10:59

So sorry for your loss but at least you were amongst family and friends. At the very least you had a shoulder to cry on.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7908596 - Sunday 24 May 2020 23:11

When comedians say their jokes "killed," they mean it figuratively.

By ojoRojo | 25

#7908613 - Monday 25 May 2020 0:55

I can’t even make a clever comment on this, I’m just so sorry for your loss :(

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7908640 - Monday 25 May 2020 4:06

Sorry for your loss. And the trolls saying you deserved it.

By mariepastyglue | 30

#7908693 - Monday 25 May 2020 10:59

So sorry for your loss but at least you were amongst family and friends. At the very least you had a shoulder to cry on.

By Mathalamus | 24

#7908716 - Monday 25 May 2020 12:33

That is a sobering moment.

By Gina Marie Lombardi | 11

#7908731 - Monday 25 May 2020 13:51

I am so sorry for your loss. Anyone who hit “you deserved it” is just soulless beings.

By TheGestalt97 | 11

#7908759 - Monday 25 May 2020 17:36

No one deserves to lose their mother. I’m sorry for your loss.

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7908841 - Monday 25 May 2020 21:23

I'm sorry for your loss op. Hope you and your sister will get better soon.

By Taurus_ChicKa | 36

#7908869 - Monday 25 May 2020 22:44

I almost clicked YDI it because of reading you were wasted. Glad I waited, because this is definitely an FML. So sorry for your loss, OP. :(

By DanielleinDC | 32

#7909051 - Tuesday 26 May 2020 13:18

Normally when someone is wasted, it's an automatic YDI. This is one exception.

I'm sorry for your loss. Was your mom ill for long?