Money: Today, I volunteered to be Auctioned off for Charity. I went... - FML

By LC - 03/11/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, I volunteered to be Auctioned off for Charity. I went for $3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 387

You deserved it 7 231

Sorry…

Run, run away pronto

What have you got yourself into?

By Anonymous - 14/12/2016 12:06

Today, my sister, who has "borrowed" almost nine hundred dollars from me over the last few months, told me I was pathetic for not having my driver's license yet and that I "wasn't normal". I was saving that money for my driving lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 752

You deserved it 1 036

By jaskyriddims - 16/09/2009 19:58 - Dominica

Today, my family gathered to pray. It was my brother's turn to pray and he ended with this, "...and help Chev that he does not become the disappointment everyone expects him to be. Amen." I looked on in shock as my entire family nodded and said "Amen" in agreement. Hi, I'm Chev. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 637

You deserved it 5 174

By weirdome23 - 26/04/2011 09:45 - United States

Today, my "friend" told me I was weird and irritating. Yet she has an unhealthy obsession with Harry Potter, hates people in general, and has a Facebook for her cat. Yeah, I'm the weird one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 433

You deserved it 8 571

Very mean

By graham - 11/01/2020 14:00

Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 786

You deserved it 331

By Is that..? - 17/07/2014 03:51 - United States - Aurora

Today, I ran into a good friend at work. I work at a jail. She doesn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 840

You deserved it 4 841

By Anonymous - 29/07/2013 08:19 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, my family and I went to feed carrots to the giraffes at the zoo. After I finished my first cup of carrots, I turned back to get some more. Suddenly, I was jerked back and a chunk of my hair was ripped out. The giraffe mistook the orange barrette in my hair for a carrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 580

You deserved it 10 622

Asshole

By WetWalking - 21/03/2013 13:31 - United States - Tyler

Today, I was walking by the side of the interstate because my car broke down. A nice young man stopped and asked if I was tired of walking. I said yes, to which he replied, "Try jogging asshole" then laughed and drove off. It was raining balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 126

You deserved it 3 745

By -1 Pair of Pants - 30/05/2016 19:49 - United States - Westborough

Today, I leaned over to pick something up and heard a loud "pop" from my waistline, followed by a "clink" on the other side of the room. My pants button had popped off my pants. Time to lose some weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 691

You deserved it 2 659

People are jerks

By Anonymous - 09/07/2021 03:59

Today, I cleaned the two staircases at the hotel where I work. Five minutes later, someone complained they were dirty. Someone had dropped soda and got mud all over them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 52

By anonymous - 05/02/2014 02:48 - United States

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 893

You deserved it 45 010

Alexa, play "What's My Age Again?" by Blink182

By collegestudent - 20/09/2019 02:01

Today, my dad asked me if I needed crayons for school. I'm going to college this fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 292

You deserved it 191

By Anonymous - 20/09/2014 15:28 - Sweden - Kung?lv

Today, I looked up my childhood bully on Facebook, hoping she'd gone fat and ugly. Turns out she's drop-dead gorgeous and very successful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 033

You deserved it 14 034

By Anonymous - 03/09/2013 19:50 - United States

Today, I had to visit a client because his printer had broken down. After driving for an hour, then being screamed at about how horrible my company's service is, I walked over to his printer and found the problem: there was no paper loaded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 309

You deserved it 3 114

By tripleBBB - 09/09/2018 01:30

Today, I was in the shower when I realised that maybe I'm getting a little too fat. I was scrubbing the old belly when a dollar flew out onto the floor. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 670

You deserved it 2 551

By Username - 23/12/2010 14:48 - Canada

Today, I was in a store with my dad. He completely lost his temper and began yelling at the store owners. For some reason, he then removed his shirt in protest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 360

You deserved it 3 009

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 19:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife started checking her email on her Blackberry while we were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 940

You deserved it 10 526

By :'( - 09/09/2015 03:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was let go from my dream job for requesting Photoshop as well as Illustrator. I was hired to create marketing materials. Guess I should have just used Paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 674

You deserved it 1 628

Nokia 3310 FTW

By Anonymous - 17/03/2020 02:30 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, while taking a rather large crap, I sent my sister a joking text saying, "I'm shitting my ass inside out." Turns out I sent it to my entire list of contacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 1 922

Coming or going

By almost governmental - 05/09/2014 22:02 - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, I got a call about a job interview, saying I was hired. I was ecstatic, until they called me back and said they'd called the wrong applicant. They called again later, saying there'd been a mistake and I really was hired. When I went in to confirm it, they said they'd never heard of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 456

You deserved it 3 065

By parenting_failure - 20/03/2011 16:10 - France

Today, my son was on Facebook while he was supposed to be studying. He called me a liar and accused me of making up excuses to chew him out. How do I know he was online? He liked and commented on a video I posted. My son is a dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 016

You deserved it 8 722

Sewer monster

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 14:02

Today, I realized my morbidly obese sibling's favorite bathroom to use is whichever one is closest to me during the day. Three floors of living space and the monster wants to drop a nuke where the odors are certain to waft to my nose three times a day. Every. Single. Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 597

You deserved it 281

By Uh oh.... - 05/05/2019 16:00

Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 2 676

We are legion

By Lennie Mcfish - 26/09/2019 20:01

Today, I'm so lonely that I created multiple fake accounts on different social media platforms, just so I can have people to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 536

Three kids?

By Anonymous - 08/01/2020 20:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got the results proving if my ex-girlfriend's kid was mine. The results came back negative and I can't have kids. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have 3 kids with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 050

You deserved it 287

By gbabyy - 22/11/2009 03:25 - United States

Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 687

You deserved it 6 867

By pop, pop - 08/05/2015 15:44 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I fell asleep while working the night shift. It took me 3 hours and a whole lot of dirty looks while walking home before I looked in a mirror and saw my cockbite of a coworker had drawn a swastika on my forehead while I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 943

You deserved it 7 712

By eyebags - 10/10/2016 13:04 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my roommate observed that if my eyes were turned upside down, they would look the same - and proved it with Photoshop. After a bit of thought, she decided that it's because the bags under my eyes are dark enough to look like eyelids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 414

You deserved it 894

By fuck off, eh! - 07/03/2014 21:25 - Canada - Milton

Today, my hippy nutjob of a roommate threw a bitch fit at me, all because he saw me chopping down a tree in Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 349

You deserved it 5 081

By surprise - 11/12/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, I was getting ready to go to a surprise party I'd planned for my best friend. All was going well on the discretion part until I logged onto Facebook. I saw that my sister had set her status to, "At Natalie's surprise party! BBL!" Natalie had liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 074

You deserved it 3 273

By Black - 12/12/2008 03:31 - Lebanon

Spicy

Today, I caught my cat humping my dog while he was asleep. I'm sleeping with the door closed from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 218

You deserved it 3 799

By Anonymous - 19/09/2011 02:16 - United States

Today, I went to evening Mass. I later found that sometime between entering the church and receiving Communion, someone had snatched my iPhone straight out of my handbag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 195

You deserved it 5 354

By anon - 07/11/2012 23:28 - United States

Today, I threw up after drinking a smoothie my mother made me. She then called me "ungrateful" and "immature" for not liking what she spent a long time making for me. I later found out that not only did she use expired yogurt, it was also a mango smoothie, which I'm allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 577

You deserved it 1 813

By uhhh what? - 10/04/2012 17:47 - United States - Bellevue

Today, my parents told me that I will grow up to be a criminal, living on the streets, on drugs. All this because I took the last chocolate egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 257

You deserved it 5 517

By bloodshedblack - 21/02/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I received more affection from my wife in a video game than I ever have in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 413

You deserved it 4 368

By Anonymous - 29/08/2014 16:17 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, after finally getting rid of an extremely rude, abusive customer, I muttered that I could kill people like her. I didn't know my manager had heard me, until a pair of police officers arrived. He'd reported me for "threatening to murder a customer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 920

You deserved it 11 091

By nomorepups - 31/10/2016 14:54

Today, I adopted my second dog. When I called to tell my mom about it, she sternly told me that I was not allowed to get any more dogs. I'm 28 and own my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 451

You deserved it 1 003

By Anonymous - 20/09/2010 07:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my job application for McDonald's was rejected. This is the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 693

You deserved it 13 727

By Anonymous - 09/05/2011 04:37 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to give his mother a box of chocolates and flowers for Mother's Day. She just stared at them and said, "What's this for? You're not my daughter, and never will be. But I'll keep the chocolate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 796

You deserved it 6 293

By Becoming a commuter. - 04/09/2012 17:14 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I moved into college and met my new roommate. Not fifteen minutes later, she had told me about the fungus on her feet, and what happens when she forgets to take her anti-psychotic medication, all while picking at her nose and eating the spoils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 834

You deserved it 2 093

By 1ndustrytx - 04/09/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I was awakened by the sound of chain-saws. Moments later a tree branch came through my roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 208

You deserved it 2 210

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:08

So you're now owned by someone? Isn't slave trading illegal these days?

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:23

Bahahahah.. 3 bucks, all for the charity eh? At least, people still bidded on you!

Comments

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:04

YESSSSSSS I AM FIRST FOR ONCE, by the way that sucks 3 bucks-_-

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 21:45

congratulations.

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 1:31

yo names toby!

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Monday 29 March 2010 6:04

once my company was having an auction and i was being auctioned off, but I was sold for $300

eatsleephockey97 4

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Wednesday 25 August 2010 1:21

well tht makes em feel bettr

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:08

So you're now owned by someone? Isn't slave trading illegal these days?

nokillnobeepbeep 0

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:11

Pfft! Only if you don't like it. The S/M train is still a rollin'.

perdix 29

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 14:27

It's illegal if it's involuntary. If it is voluntary, it's called prostitu. . . oops, I mean, charity. I saw an episode of COPS where these absolutely disgusting whores were getting 10 bucks for BJs. You must be a monster to get only 3!

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 15:19

It's Michigan, anything is legal there nowadays.

perdix 29

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 21:42

Even in Michigan, for three bucks, you don't have to swallow. You can if you're hungry -- your choice.

mysterynmayhem 0

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Saturday 7 November 2009 2:14

i might wash their car, but i certainly wouldnt put out...just saying lol

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Friday 25 November 2011 8:14

it was probably to be auctioned for a date

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Wednesday 8 January 2014 13:49

WAIT!!!!!! FINAL BID: 2 MILLION DOLLARS! I BID 2 MILLION. The auction's over?! Shit!

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:19

Rofl. Dont worry dude your not ugly... they are all just really broke.

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 15:22

its a girl

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Thursday 14 November 2013 5:37

dude is a unisex thing -.-

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:23

Bahahahah.. 3 bucks, all for the charity eh? At least, people still bidded on you!

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:42

BID! not bidded.

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 13:04

My bad. BID BID BID :)

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:23

Hmm, I'd much rather get the happy meal, IT COMES WITH A TOY!!!!

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 12:43

For three more dollars he will let you play with his toy, small pieces may cause small children to choke.

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 13:14

RUDE DUDE

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 1:26

omg lol that just made my day!

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Sunday 14 November 2010 9:03

not anymore thanks to San Fran

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 13:11

That was uncalled for at all bobby

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 13:15

oops...edit.

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 13:17

Hey flutist I bet u give good head don't u?

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 13:38

*rolls eyes* You would have to have a dick for me to give you head.

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:04

OH LOL I GET IT BECAUSE HER NAME IS FLUTIST AND YOU'RE EQUATING A PENIS TO A FLUTE HOW FUNNY

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 4:21

OMG, what next band camp jokes?

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Monday 31 May 2010 17:44

so how are you and Jimmy from band camp. I heard you two are really close now?

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 13:17

I was asked to do that once but I'm really scared the same thing will happen! Sorry that happened to you, maybe everyone was broke?

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 13:21

what kind of charity auctions off someone? my school did that as a joke o.O

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Tuesday 3 November 2009 13:30

Maybe the auctioneer did a bad job. Cheer up

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 10

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 11

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 167

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 93