Holidays: Today I visited my boyfriend's house for Thanksgiving. The fast...

By Firequeen - 21/11/2016 21:44

Today I visited my boyfriend's house for Thanksgiving. The fast food from the drive made me really need to poop, so I did my business and flipped on the air vent. Turns out the vent sparked a hot spot in the attic and caused a fire. I literally set my boyfriend's house on fire with my shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 414

You deserved it 1 033

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By S. Bauer - 02/11/2011 13:50 - Portugal

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend for smoking in the house, because I didn't want the house to smell like smoke. While doing so, I knocked over a candle and lit the couch on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 548

You deserved it 14 911

By anonymous - 31/01/2013 04:02 - Canada - Fergus

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our anniversary. I had cooked him a romantic meal and we were planning on eating it in front of the fire. This would have gone great had I not forgotten to unblock the chimney. My entire basement filled with smoke and didn't clear for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 635

You deserved it 28 883

Smells like teen shit

By great 1st impression - 25/05/2014 16:09 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 971

You deserved it 7 927

Sick burn

By Anonymous - 16/05/2010 08:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 012

You deserved it 8 075

By EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - 17/08/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 297

You deserved it 7 527

By Anonymouse - 07/11/2015 02:03

Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 919

You deserved it 2 172

By heyhijello - 09/09/2013 22:05 - United States - Oakland

Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 077

You deserved it 12 727

Gross out competition

By shattysituation - 31/12/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 437

You deserved it 4 059

By TheMissMuffly - 31/07/2012 15:53 - United States - Monmouth

Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 832

You deserved it 53 159

By Anonymous - 14/05/2016 14:26 - Italy - Bologna

Today, my dog apparently vomited straight down a heating vent while I was out. The stench was so bad that when I got home and the smell hit me, I threw up too. Looks like I'll be spending a few days with my mother as the house airs out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 929

You deserved it 1 266

siggy_mcsigx 22

Sunday 27 November 2016 11:31

This could have happened to anyone who used the bathroom vent. It isn't your fault their house has faulty wiring.

Wizardo 33

Sunday 27 November 2016 11:22

All the pimps in the crib drop it like its hot.

Comments

dougschoonmaker 20

Sunday 27 November 2016 11:06

Shit happens

xx000o 27

Sunday 27 November 2016 11:07

That's one hot way to make a first impression.

Jay18 22

Tuesday 29 November 2016 6:20

it's actually a shitty way to make first impressions

Wizardo 33

Sunday 27 November 2016 11:22

All the pimps in the crib drop it like its hot.

BoxFullOfLazy 25

Sunday 27 November 2016 11:25

Literally? You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means.

LittleRed79 39

Sunday 27 November 2016 12:29

Inconceivable!

megatron93 5

Sunday 27 November 2016 14:33

How did she use it wrong?

InfiniteSunshine 32

Sunday 27 November 2016 16:32

Literally means exactly or truly. If OP literally set her boyfriend's house on fire with her shit, the shit would be the accelerant and the direct cause of the fire. But it wasn't, it was the fan, and most likely faulty wiring, that was the true(literal) cause of the fire. So OP literally set her boyfriend's house on fire by opening the air vent.

species4872 19

Sunday 27 November 2016 17:35

#15 Who cares, The shit hit the fan regardless. OK

OnlyNeko 13

Sunday 27 November 2016 17:59

hahahahahaha #16 :)

InfiniteSunshine 32

Sunday 27 November 2016 18:07

Some people didn't understand why the use of literally was wrong, I merely explained to clear up confusion. In any case, if you speak English, then you should care, because using literally when you really mean figuratively (the opposite of literally) just looks stupid. It's like using the word "happy" when you really mean "sad," it makes no sense.

RpiesSPIES 27

Sunday 27 November 2016 21:31

Sorry to tell ya, #4 and others, but the definition of Literally was expanded years ago to mean both Literally AND Figuratively. The ones whom 'Can't even' succeeded in ruining words.

trollcrusher 17

Monday 28 November 2016 2:37

Sadly, #21 is right. I believe that at least three major dictionaries have added secondary definitions of "literally" that completely contradict its original definition, which seems absolutely nonsensical to me. It's hard to believe that instead of trying to educate people on how to properly speak their language, we just mangled the meaning of a word to facilitate ignorance and laziness.

Zebediabolical 39

Monday 28 November 2016 22:13

'Literally' as used for emphasis has literally been around for well over a century. That's how words happen.

trollcrusher 17

Tuesday 29 November 2016 11:14

A lot of different usages of different words have been around for a long time. That's kind of a moot point though, because ignorance and idiocy have also been around for... well, a long time. Ignorance is a rather good explanation for someone using a word incorrectly. Doing something wrong for long enough doesn't seem like a logical method to make it right, especially in this case; there are so many words and literary techniques already available for expressing yourself figuratively. Changing the definition of the word "literally" to include "figuratively" serves as much purpose (and makes as much sense) as adding the definition "sad" to the word "happy". Okay, rant over. English sure can get me riled up, I suppose.

Janetemokid 13

Sunday 27 November 2016 11:30

It'll be a nice ice breaker for the next gathering. "Aye remember that one time I set your house on fire with my shit? Good times." Don't worry op it was just a freak accident!