Intimacy: Today, I walked in on my sister masturbating with my curling...

By need € for new iron - 16/05/2013 19:49 - Germany - Gevelsberg

Today, I walked in on my sister masturbating with my curling iron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 507

You deserved it 6 738

Intimacy

Sorry…

Age difference

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Meritocracy

By DazedAndConfused - 14/11/2021 11:00

Today, like every day, my coworker showed up thirty minutes late, sat down for thirty more checking email while I got the morning work done alone, listening to her bitch about how much she hates her job and wants to go home. My coworkers criticized me for being moody, and praised her for being the best. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 74

Weird assumption

By Thanks Mom - 20/05/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, I asked my helicopter parent mother if I could go over to a friend's house. She said no because her parents weren't there, and if she accused me of assaulting her, I'd have no defense. We're both 16, I'm gay and she's a lesbian. My mom is well aware of these facts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 124

By Anonymous - 08/05/2015 13:51 - United States - Pottstown

Today, I thought it would be funny to fart next to my brother in the car. Apparently, his carsickness is exacerbated by strong smells. I now know what it feels like to have lap full of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 619

You deserved it 38 839

By Anonymous - 15/09/2015 05:56 - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, I got up to get some water. When I stood up, I fell straight to the ground, my legs were so weak. As I fell, I hit my head on the end table and knocked myself unconscious. My boyfriend laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 667

You deserved it 4 308

By scaredtosleep - 24/09/2009 09:50 - United Kingdom

Today, the weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I "looked cold in my sleep last night". FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 753

You deserved it 2 899

By Anonymous - 09/07/2014 20:49 - United States

Today, my road rage got so out of hand that I'm now actually inclined to honk obnoxiously at my computer when it's being slow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 798

You deserved it 17 172

Revelations

By pey - 21/05/2020 14:00

Today, my boss told me I had to fire my co-worker. I didn't want to do it, but I didn't want to lose my job. I told my co-worker that the boss said we had to let him go. He told me that he had sex with my wife. My wife didn't deny it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 413

You deserved it 138

By Anonymous - 03/12/2010 03:22 - United States

Today, I called up Verizon Wireless to "complain" about my phone service. I really had nothing to complain about, I was just that lonely that I wanted someone to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 091

You deserved it 30 779

By Anonymous - 05/04/2012 01:41 - United States - Lindale

Today, I started my brand new job. I was late because while repairing my favorite pair of high heels, I got superglue in my eye. They had to scrape my cornea and I have to wear an eye patch. I'm now the "new pirate" in the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 757

You deserved it 20 646

Catflap time

By Anonymous - 24/01/2021 17:01 - Germany

Today, our cat doesn’t care much whether she gets into my room or not. Except at about 3 a.m. each night. That’s the time she sits outside the door, meowing to be let in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 127

By killmenow - 19/02/2009 21:52 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 203

You deserved it 3 476

By NosChersVoisins - 01/07/2014 04:55 - France - Bordeaux

Today, it's my birthday. My next-door neighbours gave me a stool and some rope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 106

You deserved it 5 920

Genius

By joshua - 25/01/2010 21:24 - United States

Today, I got a call from my younger brother's school to pick him up immediately. He had a test today, but he had the brilliant idea that by telling everyone he had head lice, he could go home. I had to leave work to pick him up, and now I have to take him to a doctor so they can see if he can go back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 981

You deserved it 2 511

Desperate

By Anonymous - 15/03/2021 11:01

Today, I got broken up by someone I wasn't even sure I wanted to date in the first place. He also made me realize how little self-respect I have right before dumping me. This is the best thing to happen in my love life in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 662

You deserved it 144

Missed opportunities

By Anonymous - 11/07/2021 16:01 - United States - Gladwyne

Today, I was going to have a phone interview for an amazing internship opportunity. It was supposed to take place at 11AM. It’s now 1:30PM. My phone calls and concerned email have gone unanswered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 59

Vicious circle

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 10:01

Today, I have a permanent illness. Whenever I'm too unwell to manage the housework or children, my hubby does even less than usual. As soon as I'm well enough, I have a mountain of work to do, which makes me sick again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 95

By Anonymous - 05/04/2019 04:00

Today, I have to pay my college an extra $1000 because there is a $20 charge every time you get locked out of your room, and I have an extremely poor short-term memory. I'm also only allowed to have exactly one keycard at any given time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 2 996

By Uh-oh - 10/11/2009 12:33 - Australia

Today, I decided to come clean with my daughter about her adoptive status within my family. Just after I told her she was adopted, I realized that I have been telling her stories about me giving birth to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 224

You deserved it 62 401

Red Sox Nation

By Anonymous - 25/09/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called saying that she wanted to break up because she wasn't into me anymore. Yesterday, I paid $400 to take her to a Red Sox game, so I asked her why she even came with me. She said that she had been talking to her ex-boyfriend, and he said he was going to that game too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 804

You deserved it 133

By jojo - 06/05/2009 19:11 - United States

Today, while driving home I had to pee really bad. I decided to speed to get home quicker. I got pulled over for speeding and peed my pants. The cop, assuming I was drunk, made me take a sobriety test. I had to walk a straight line with piss all over my pants at 2:00 in the afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 454

You deserved it 12 832

Maybe it's by accident?

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 21:30

Today, I've been binge-watching a certain Twitch/YouTube streamer. I love his political insights, but I've noticed he keeps saying, "On accident." It grinds my gears so much, I had to go outside and listen to birds chirping instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 471

By Stigmamma - 12/05/2019 04:00

Today, my 12-year-old son and 13-year-old daughter sprayed themselves with a ton of deodorant and perfume respectively. The two clouds of spray have combined into a noxious gas that slowly traveled through the house, giving everybody an instant, massive headache. Everybody, except my son and daughter. They think they smell great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 898

You deserved it 232

By killme.jpeg - 18/04/2016 01:04 - Netherlands - Wassenaar

Today, I scored the number of a cute girl. I gave her mine as well, just before leaving the bar. As I waved her goodbye, I attempted to do a cheesy "call me" gesture with my thumb and pinky finger, and winked. For a reason unknown to me, I ended up flipping her off. I still winked though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 111

You deserved it 6 668

Foot-in-mouth syndrome

By Anonymous - 26/05/2010 12:03 - United States

Today, I was talking to this guy I liked at work. He was flirting with me, and everything was going great, I was so happy, until he started talking non-stop about the extent of his foot fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 128

You deserved it 5 615

By AzNFoo - 26/03/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, my friends and me had a little water balloon fight and somehow it led to throwing water balloons at cars. We all decided to hit a car all at once, after one came by we all hit it. The car stopped and started flashing bright blue lights. We ended up hitting an off-duty police car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 544

You deserved it 121 271

By nipped - 16/09/2009 13:24 - Australia

Today, I thought it would be fun to tease my dog by standing above her and hitting each of her paws repeatedly. My dog thought it would be fun to jump up and bite at my chest whilst I wasn't wearing a shirt. I just spent four hours in hospital getting my nipple sewn back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 969

You deserved it 88 280

By mykhael - 21/08/2013 18:58 - United States - Opelousas

Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 023

You deserved it 7 444

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 14:19 - United States - Abington

Today, my father used my birth certificate as a beer coaster. Accident or not, it pretty much perfectly sums up our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 114

You deserved it 1 449

By WaffleJesus - 07/10/2015 08:29 - United States

Today, my husband is sulking because I wouldn't let him do what he's always wanted to do: throw our cat out the second floor window to see if she would land safely and on all fours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 217

You deserved it 2 544

By xkal174 - 15/11/2010 11:33 - United States

Today, I just found out that my ex girlfriend is gonna be my step mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 252

You deserved it 4 609

By Noname - 05/02/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I finally stood up to a bully who had been messing with me for over a year. His response? He picked up the chair I was sitting in and threw me across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 108

You deserved it 4 133

By Anonymous - 22/11/2012 06:50 - United States

Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 287

You deserved it 4 137

Parenting gone feral

By hungry - 22/10/2019 04:00 - Canada - Halifax

Today, as I searched for food to take to work for lunch, I noticed that the only recent addition to our fridge is chocolate milk and popsicles. My mom went grocery shopping yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 325

You deserved it 269

By anonymous - 06/06/2013 04:14 - United States - Tehachapi

Today, I saw a man on my bike that was stolen a few years ago. I asked him if I could have my bike back just wondering what he'd say. He calmly replied, "Hell no, I stole this fair and square." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 738

You deserved it 6 509

By birthday bash - 04/01/2010 02:38 - France

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. She decided that her "gift to herself" would be to leave the loser who has been holding her back for two years. Hello, my name is Ben, and I am that loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 626

You deserved it 5 077

By Herdad - 30/07/2009 11:34 - United States

Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 964

You deserved it 3 677

By Badhusky - 29/08/2018 20:30

Today, I had to carry the dead weight of my 90-pound husky upstairs to the bath because he hates it. He cried the entire time, loudly. He then rolled in the dirt when I let him outside to pee not even an hour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 708

You deserved it 487

Poot

By dumblonde76 - 14/09/2021 07:00 - United States - Jackson

Today, I had a rumble in my tummy whilst picking up groceries. I tried to let out a little poot, but ended up shitting in my pants. I had to leave without the groceries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 334

By adopteddd - 28/06/2011 14:30 - United Kingdom

Today, my Dad sat me down and told me that I was adopted. I was unbelievably shocked by this revelation and asked him why he'd never told me this before. His response was, "I didn't know!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 511

You deserved it 3 063

My brain and I

By Anonymous - 22/10/2021 08:00

Today, it’s late and I’m so tired, I’m not even able to read a book anymore, or walk around without bumping into things. Yet apparently, my brain still doesn't consider this a sign that we should fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 65

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Top comments

hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14

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Friday 17 May 2013 0:02

Ok, that is just too much.

rouh_fml 4

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Friday 17 May 2013 0:03

Hopefully not plugged in!

hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14

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Friday 17 May 2013 0:02

Ok, that is just too much.

friedpwnadge 25

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Friday 17 May 2013 0:08

Sounds like she needs to be straightened out.

JACKxRAWR 22

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Friday 17 May 2013 0:14

Sounded like she was getting hot and heavy.

groovycrazyjoe 18

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Friday 17 May 2013 2:11

she was just heating up

kjcamaro3 5

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Friday 17 May 2013 8:23

You shouldn't have take her dildo

RedPillSucks 31

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Friday 17 May 2013 16:03

And used it to straighten her hair?

mattlw 25

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Saturday 18 May 2013 15:50

No need for a heated debate here. I just have one question. Was it plugged in? Oh yeah, I'll bet that was HOT.

soccerguy90 4

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Sunday 9 June 2013 23:25

Bahahaha, wow. That was tooooo good!!!

carnage45567 10

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Friday 5 July 2013 7:59

Sounds like a pretty heated situation

ShadowRaptor 9

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Wednesday 24 July 2013 3:26

Oh, she was using it down there? "Well, you know how it is. If you have curly hair you just want straight hair" -Daniel Tosh

angiodave 6

Friday 17 May 2013 0:03

Um, I wouldn't use that curling iron...just sayin!!!

clever_name_here 7

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Friday 17 May 2013 0:11

No shit sherlock

Flowtastic 16

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Friday 17 May 2013 0:34

Then what would you use? ;)

carleybeak 21

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Friday 17 May 2013 0:51

#34 A new curling iron.

JBChristian 46

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Friday 17 May 2013 4:28

Hence the OP's username...

Fuji76 15

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Friday 17 May 2013 4:57

Maybe he's curling his nose hairs, Noor! ;)

FameNFortune 12

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Friday 17 May 2013 6:49

Some people deserve a slap in the face for stupid comments ...

laughmaster 9

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Friday 17 May 2013 12:38

Did you proofread your comment before posting it?

angeluv_2014 22

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Friday 2 August 2013 10:11

I think 34 meant "then what would you use to masterbate with" as making a joke and referring to the dirty sister ;P

rouh_fml 4

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Friday 17 May 2013 0:03

Hopefully not plugged in!

EpicBlondie89 19

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Friday 17 May 2013 4:23

#79 Umm......what?

Archay 13

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Friday 17 May 2013 5:30

86, hotdog in a hallway.

tomatosz 23

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Friday 17 May 2013 12:42

#3 That hurt just thinking about it o.o

teh3pictroll 8

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Saturday 18 May 2013 21:25

#103 A very long, dark hallway.

Archay 13

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Friday 17 May 2013 0:03

Steamy huh?

cieloalicia 16

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Friday 17 May 2013 1:50

As Paris Hilton would say.. "That's hot."

AshaaFerreira 22

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Friday 17 May 2013 13:05

I for 1 don't care about what Paris would say..

Crofty92 17

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Saturday 18 May 2013 16:07

Thanks for sharing that important information with us. We all really needed to know. Genuinely with no sarcasm. Thank you.

TrinityisLife 22

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Friday 17 May 2013 0:04

Sure she just didn't want superbouncy pubes?

gc327072 30

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Friday 17 May 2013 2:25

She uses her bangs when she bangs.

TrollingStalker 16

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Friday 17 May 2013 0:05

Ow.

walkingspastic 22

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Friday 17 May 2013 0:05

Hot.

LanaViolin 10

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Friday 17 May 2013 0:10

...

EVnIAS 13

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Friday 17 May 2013 0:28

I was thinking the same thing but probably for completely different reasons...

Olympiakos10 15

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Friday 17 May 2013 4:57

It's hot in topicaaaa

world_on_fire 4

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Friday 17 May 2013 13:50

its hot and its hot and its hot *throws remote into the air*

carobug 6

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Saturday 18 May 2013 22:10

Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends reference? Here, have an upvote.

jw90 18

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Friday 17 May 2013 0:05

Please tell me she was smart enough to not plug it in?

TheShadyMilkman 15

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Friday 17 May 2013 17:45

Well how else would you get the warming sensation?

little_one 20

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Friday 17 May 2013 17:48

Edit

IscoreOnU 19

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Friday 17 May 2013 0:06

Hey, whatever works. Just uh this is one of those what you don't know won't hurt you things. Still she shouldn't be using yours..

ilovedinosawers 17

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Friday 17 May 2013 3:51

I wouldn't want it anymore. "Yeah, you keep that."

Pwn17 25

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Friday 17 May 2013 0:06

Time to buy a new one.

gabbi630 16

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Friday 17 May 2013 1:19

Time for her sister to buy a new one!

little_one 20

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Friday 17 May 2013 17:50

Buy that girl a dildo already! My god you can get some for $10 and it's a hell of a lot better and cheaper than a curling iron! Check your phone too... She may have been using it on vibrate...

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 12

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 644

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 174

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