Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I tried to high-five someone but somehow ended up slapping them in the face. FML
Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I face-planted. I was going to say "Fuck you" and "I will kill you." It came out as "I will fuck you." He's still laughing. FML
Today, I got bitched out by some lady in a Walmart because I looked at her funny while she was on the phone, loudly bragging about "slapping the shit out of" her kids. FML
Today, while I was standing in line at the store, some guy insulted the girl in front of me as he walked past. She turned around and socked me in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML
Today, I tried to give my friend a fist bump. He thought I was trying to punch him so he punched me in the face. FML
Today, a customer yelled at me so furiously that she sprayed my face with spittle. I had to stand there, smiling and politely explaining that I needed to see a receipt before I could give her a refund. When she finally gave up and left, my boss bitched me out for "provoking the customer". FML
Today, I got punched in the face by a girl for asking if she was okay after I had seen her crying. FML
Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
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Top comments
gracehi 33
I agree. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped you. Then it was HILARIOUS!!!
crushedone 7
Bitch please. What were you thinking??
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Comments (85)
SuperPizzaMan_fml 11
This should be the first FML with 100% YDI's.....
nothing92x 13
It's not going to happen because there are those people who think "Aw that sucks. Here, I'll give you some pity."
Mister_Triangle 21
Also I've accidentally voted the wrong way many times
melsaraj 9
Nigga pleassse
turkturkington 13
Oh lads, OP was clearly joking and the recipient just had no sense of humour that day. They obvs has some sort of insecurity about what other people think of them that makes them lash out uncontrollably and hit people in the face. Something that needs to be addressed, and OP was the unfortunate yet brave individual who took on that task. Bravo OP, bettering people's personalities through insults since (insert year of birth here)...
mikeofthunder 13
You are truly awesome B)
PeteyPablo12308 20
Bitch please!!! See, how do you like it?
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Bitch please, I'm pretty sure calling people names on the Internet won't change someone's opinion. Unless you're a whiny bitch. Or on Facebook.
MisterDoctor 12
Did you make the face?
mjacv2 5
If you were just kidding then the slap was unnecessary. People take some things too seriously.
Bibliovore 26
The slap was unnecessary and inappropriate because it was physical violence. The comment, however, was also unnecessary and inappropriate: Even if OP intended it as a joke, he (I'm assuming "staticman" is a he) apparently didn't judge his audience very well.
yakingwakko 3
It's probably because the bitch thought you were stealing her boyfriend, who is your nephew.
hollowplayer 3
How hard was the slapping.
novalaise 7
Deserved it
hollowplayer 3
How could you be so hot. God gifted hot
SqueakyChipmunk 22
She simmered in hot lava for a few hours.
DobbytheElf 4
If she missed & fell, you could've also said, "Bitches be trippin'"
bstudds 1
then if she was injured you could have said bitches get stitches.
Mister_Triangle 21
And if she practiced dark magic you could say "bitches be witches"
SqueakyChipmunk 22
If she got bit my a mosquito, you could say "Bitches be itchin'"
ElishaisSexy2016 9
Then when she is in her face from trippin, say "bitches get ditchin" and walk away :)
RedPillSucks 33
and if she drove away, you could say "bitch is a karma"