Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I tried to high-five someone but somehow ended up slapping them in the face. FML
Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I face-planted. I was going to say "Fuck you" and "I will kill you." It came out as "I will fuck you." He's still laughing. FML
Today, I got bitched out by some lady in a Walmart because I looked at her funny while she was on the phone, loudly bragging about "slapping the shit out of" her kids. FML
Today, while I was standing in line at the store, some guy insulted the girl in front of me as he walked past. She turned around and socked me in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML
Today, I tried to give my friend a fist bump. He thought I was trying to punch him so he punched me in the face. FML
Today, a customer yelled at me so furiously that she sprayed my face with spittle. I had to stand there, smiling and politely explaining that I needed to see a receipt before I could give her a refund. When she finally gave up and left, my boss bitched me out for "provoking the customer". FML
Today, I got punched in the face by a girl for asking if she was okay after I had seen her crying. FML
Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
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Top comments
gracehi 33
I agree. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped you. Then it was HILARIOUS!!!
crushedone 7
Bitch please. What were you thinking??
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Comments (85)
alexNEX 7
It would have been better if after you said bitch please, she said "what did the five fingers say to the face"? Oh then fun of lame humor.
zen1979 16
Got your back, jack. Bitches be crazy.
ElizaAnne 7
-28, most favourite line from Sheldon!
MissRoxiie 12
Well you got what you deserved, what did you expect?
mikeofthunder 13
A bird who chases cats? This is a real appropriate subject for you, ey? ;)
MissRoxiie 12
What??
benmec 18
Did you say, "thank you bitch may I have another?"
N_Jaay 6
You should have countered with a round-house kick to the head!
imaginger1 4
Sorry, but you kinda deserved that, Op. even if it was a joke.
gabrayal 10
I just love the irony!
ViQValentine 3
*Holds up glass of wine*, True story
LuckyLynx7732 5
I realize the word bitch is used as slang alot, but it does actually have a meaning. Not everyone see it as acceptable.