Miscellaneous: Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was... - FML

By staticman101 - 04/10/2012 03:14 - United States - Allendale

Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 466

You deserved it 34 060

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Same thing different taste

Sorry Sharon

By Anonymous - 25/02/2023 16:00

Today, I tried to high-five someone but somehow ended up slapping them in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 222

By Ashley - 07/10/2013 06:11 - United States - Belmont

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 276

You deserved it 8 081

Parent #1 of the Year

By no i'm sure you're a responsible parent - 09/04/2020 02:00 - United States

Today, I got bitched out by some lady in a Walmart because I looked at her funny while she was on the phone, loudly bragging about "slapping the shit out of" her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 640

You deserved it 189

By Marc - 06/02/2012 21:43 - United States

Today, while I was standing in line at the store, some guy insulted the girl in front of me as he walked past. She turned around and socked me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 926

You deserved it 2 189

By Anonymous - 01/11/2014 18:23 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 839

You deserved it 5 514

By Anon - 12/01/2012 19:24 - United States

Today, I tried to give my friend a fist bump. He thought I was trying to punch him so he punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 465

You deserved it 5 352

By maleficunt - 03/06/2014 20:44 - United Kingdom - Cannock

Today, a customer yelled at me so furiously that she sprayed my face with spittle. I had to stand there, smiling and politely explaining that I needed to see a receipt before I could give her a refund. When she finally gave up and left, my boss bitched me out for "provoking the customer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 984

You deserved it 4 022

By teardrops - 21/09/2010 08:50 - Australia

Today, I got punched in the face by a girl for asking if she was okay after I had seen her crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 490

You deserved it 5 185

Thanks a bunch

By nose hurts - 30/12/2012 01:01 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 636

You deserved it 3 477

By *facefloor* - 24/07/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 049

You deserved it 5 407

Next

Top comments

gracehi 31

Thursday 4 October 2012 8:49

I agree. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped you. Then it was HILARIOUS!!!

crushedone 7

Thursday 4 October 2012 8:49

Bitch please. What were you thinking??

Comments

therobotchef 6

Thursday 4 October 2012 15:03

yah. to bad that is probally one of the only girls will slap you rather than take pride that you called them a bitch

Tidus0 17

Thursday 4 October 2012 15:36

The phrase bitch please is usually not for use towards the person your bitching about. It's merely a phrase you use when your venting/bitching/gossiping about someone who says (believes in I guess) something which is rubbish.

j_cat187 19

Thursday 4 October 2012 17:27

Nigga please *gets mugged*

JBChristian 47

Thursday 4 October 2012 19:07

Bitch please... slap me in the face XD

Kristoffer 35

Thursday 4 October 2012 19:34

Sometimes I call Lily a bitch. Lily is my Dad's dog.

shammer69 0

Thursday 4 October 2012 22:58

Never happened with me and my girlfriend. Guess mine's more awesome! :D

tressie_fml 6

Friday 5 October 2012 3:54

You walked into that one…

nrelavender 10

Friday 5 October 2012 4:54

Hmm. Well it seems to me the op doesn't know the person very well, and shouldn't have assumed they knew the phrase "bitch please". Ydi.

Abracadavre_fml 9

Friday 5 October 2012 5:14

I would be the one wondering if a dog or human slapped OP.

mrshr3dalot 11

Friday 5 October 2012 5:39

All I can say is win. Just win

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The Top

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You deserved it 2 046

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 43 256

You deserved it 5 413

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I agree, your life sucks 3 724

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I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 68

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I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 174

Today, I was watching porn, and ended up bawling because the girl in the video looked like my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 165

You deserved it 10 777

Today, my father told all of us that he eloped with his girlfriend of two months. I'm engaged to the woman's daughter, and have been engaged since before they met, but now my family is making fun of me for marrying my "sister". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 611

You deserved it 223