Miscellaneous: Today, while getting my hair done, I was annoyed that the beautician... - FML

By jerkgirl - 08/04/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, while getting my hair done, I was annoyed that the beautician was not paying attention while straightening my hair. After asking her three times to watch what she was doing, I grabbed the iron and said "let me do it, you're going to burn me!". I then burned two layers of skin off my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 720

You deserved it 113 060

Stop talking!

Best teeth in the game

Some friend

By Anonymous - 11/02/2015 21:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my teacher announced that he'd be out for a week because he was going to Vegas. I happily said, "Woo hoo!" Then he finished his sentence by telling me it was because his dad had died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 971

You deserved it 9 832

Can't talk right now

By Anonymous - 03/07/2021 08:01 - Canada

Spicy

Today, while I was getting a blowjob from my girlfriend in the shower, my mom stood outside the door the whole time, asking me about my day. My girlfriend never stopped going, and my mom, who was unaware that my girl was with me in the shower, is now getting me tested for speech impairment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 394

You deserved it 576

By alexander - 08/02/2017 10:00 - United States - Longmont

Today, my girlfriend really needed to take a pee while we were fishing in my boat. Rather than go to shore, she decided to she could just go into a Snapple bottle. I watched as all her pee went straight onto the floor of my boat, soon realizing she had never even taken the bottle's cap off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 637

You deserved it 1 029

By Anonymous - 15/11/2009 23:26 - United States

Today, I had nothing better to do than make a penis out of silly putty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 833

You deserved it 37 692

By EmberLove - 17/01/2013 14:06 - United States

Today, my current boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend got into a fight about when my birthday is. They were both wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 349

You deserved it 5 620

By caesarinozeppeli - 11/05/2017 16:00

Spicy

Today, after ordering it four weeks ago, I finally got the expensive figurine that I'd been wanting. Also today, my brother jizzed onto it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 022

You deserved it 382

By Anonymous - 08/03/2013 17:44 - Netherlands - Maastricht

Today, I sat through an incredibly long and tedious class lecture. Just as my professor was nearing the end of his lecture, the resident stoner loudly yawned and asked what we'd been talking about for the past hour. We got to hear most of the lecture all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 935

You deserved it 2 406

By Can't Believe It. - 03/02/2014 20:11 - United States - Fairview

Today, I dreamed that Robert Downey Jr. kept flirting with me and asking me out. Each time, I refused him, because I'm taken. When I proudly told my boyfriend, he said, "What the hell? I could've kissed the mouth that kissed the Iron Man!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 185

You deserved it 9 180

By anonymous - 05/09/2012 04:44 - Australia

Spicy

Today, an unknown number left me a lengthy voicemail of what sounds like two people having sex. This is the closest I've gotten to real-life sex in 2 years. I listened to it three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 081

You deserved it 10 206

By FranchezDeVista - 30/08/2015 18:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was talking to my mom about my issues with my girlfriend. While she was sympathizing, she slowly picked up my wallet, took $100 and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 026

You deserved it 2 248

By VCR - 20/12/2009 07:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found my underwear in my brother's pillow as well as my vibrator and Victoria's Secret magazines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 345

You deserved it 3 709

By HelpPlease - 11/02/2016 23:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. Midway through the speech I'd prepared, I fainted and hit my head against a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 461

You deserved it 2 641

By sarabalism - 17/12/2009 05:07 - Canada

Today, I walked into Old Navy to buy myself a pair of jingle jammies. Save yourself the embarrassment: don't shake the jammies in the middle of the store to hear the jingling, because these jammies do not jingle. You'll just look like an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 101

You deserved it 34 616

By Anonymous - 16/07/2015 14:47 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got a surprise raise and a promotion at work. Hours after accepting, our company was raided by police on fraud charges. Due to my new managerial position, I had to get grilled by cops. I may not have a job at all next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 525

You deserved it 1 794

By Anonymous - 17/07/2013 16:02 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 825

You deserved it 54 805

By Anonymous - 13/05/2009 20:15 - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and went to the bathroom. That’s when I realized that after passing out with my shoes on last night, my friends decided use a black sharpie and play “connect the dots” with my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 655

You deserved it 19 924

By Rebecca - 16/01/2012 00:36 - Canada

Today, as I was pulling into my driveway, I hit my fence. The same fence that I had repaired last week because I had run into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 618

You deserved it 41 325

By Crushed - 04/11/2016 14:23

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for months invited me on a group hiking trip this weekend so that she won't be the most out of shape person on the trail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 812

You deserved it 1 142

By Anonymous - 18/03/2016 17:29 - United States - Oceanside

Today, as usual, I'm stuck working in a brutally hostile work environment under my mother-in-law, who's never forgiven me for marrying her daughter. I only got the job because of family politics. Four months on, I still can't even land so much as a single interview elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 959

You deserved it 1 689

By Lara - 08/01/2016 11:28 - Germany - Bremen

Today, I went to the doctor's because I could feel something solid in my breasts, and I wanted to get it checked, just to be safe. Turns out it was my ribs. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 344

You deserved it 8 314

By Anonymous - 18/06/2019 06:44

Today, I was in a public toilet taking a dump. I then noticed someone trying to peep under the door, so I kicked them in the head as hard as I could. Turned out it was a 5-year-old looking for his parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 894

You deserved it 1 380

By anonymous - 15/10/2017 01:30

Today, my dad's face flushed when I introduced him to my new boyfriend. I live in a small town, and it turns out my dad recognized him. He's the secret child from an affair two decades ago. He's my half-brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 048

You deserved it 307

By dukemisery - 28/11/2016 12:23 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my ex-girlfriend called saying she wants to get back together because of how mature and sincere I sounded last night. I despise her and I was drunk last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 956

You deserved it 2 966

We're on a break

By col - 04/09/2020 01:56

Today, my girlfriend of almost 3 years told me we needed a break, and that we could try again at the end of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255

You deserved it 133

By not twilight - 05/12/2015 00:47 - United States - Charlotte

Today, it was my first day working at a dog boarding kennel. I got bit... by my coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 400

You deserved it 1 630

By Brandee - 05/03/2010 01:39 - Canada

Today, a guy commented on a picture of my boyfriend and I kissing on facebook, and said to please stop 'testing' him. He also messaged me saying how he wishes he could get a girlfriend like me, that I'm gorgeous, and that he wants to go out with me. I'm his cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 325

You deserved it 3 193

By Nick - 14/07/2009 02:04 - United States

Today, while I was working as a waitress, I had to wait on a table of 13 people. I was struggling through it and when they finally left I went by the table to pick up my tip. Instead of a money I got a napkin saying "Here's your tip, don't be a waitress." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 542

You deserved it 6 903

By pictureperfect678 - 19/01/2010 02:06 - United States

Today, I was in one of two hot tubs with my dad at a vacation resort, when 3 good looking guys walked into the pool area. My dad moved to the other hot tub so the guys could hang out in the one I was in. They came outside, passed my hot tub, and went into the one my dad just moved into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 037

You deserved it 4 662

By Anonymous - 24/04/2009 09:04 - Australia

Today, as a respected artist I was running a workshop with a bunch of rowdy college kids. I was in the middle of demonstrating a painting technique when I accidentally washed my paintbrush in my coffee instead of my paint water. They waited until I then drank from it to burst out in hysterics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 347

You deserved it 16 311

By theuglyone - 22/08/2013 03:00 - Canada - Port Perry

Today, I was told that I looked like a Kardashian by a total stranger. Flattered, I asked which one. His response? "I don't know, the ugly one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 059

You deserved it 5 833

By Uwrongfodat - 09/05/2013 10:11 - United States - Denton

Today, I had my college graduation ceremony. As I was walking across the stage, some asshat, in front of over 55,000 students and staff, brazenly ran across the stage, snatched my diploma up out of the president's hand, and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 705

You deserved it 4 260

By Anonymous - 11/06/2013 15:20 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time. The minute I stepped in the door his mother hit me in the face and kicked me out because I was "the slut her husband cheated on her with." My older sister and I look much alike. Too much alike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 695

You deserved it 4 655

By Chris75 - 01/09/2011 09:55 - United States

Today, my whole family piled into our station wagon just to watch my mom take part in an arm wrestling contest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 521

You deserved it 3 839

By notanidiot - 20/06/2012 12:46 - United States - Lansing

Today, I laughed when I shouldn't have and am probably fired. What happened? My boss asked me if birds were reptiles. I thought he was kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 894

You deserved it 3 646

Wobbly

By Mari - 08/08/2021 11:01 - United States - South Lake Tahoe

Today, my 5-year-old got his first loose tooth, which reminded me that loose teeth give me the worst freaking heebie-jeebies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 139

By Anonymous - 30/06/2016 21:11 - United States - Houston

Today, my sister asked me, while making a cup of green tea with honey, "I wonder why they call it honey," to which I reply, "Probably some Greek or Latin word meaning 'to sweeten'." She stops, turns and with a serious face asks, "Where exactly is Latin?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 249

You deserved it 984

By pandora - 13/06/2012 09:08 - Israel - Palmahim

Today, I fell asleep on the bus. When I woke up, my head was resting on the broad, tanned shoulder of the smoking hot guy sitting next to me. I had drooled a little. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 477

You deserved it 5 055

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 27/08/2021 16:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was feeling pretty cute in a black dress. Apparently, that makes me "emo" and an "online dater". FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 65

By this guy - 21/11/2013 05:27 - United States - Alhambra

Today, I got rejected by a girl I wasn't even trying to ask out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 364

You deserved it 4 148

By Stigmamma - 12/05/2019 04:00

Today, my 12-year-old son and 13-year-old daughter sprayed themselves with a ton of deodorant and perfume respectively. The two clouds of spray have combined into a noxious gas that slowly traveled through the house, giving everybody an instant, massive headache. Everybody, except my son and daughter. They think they smell great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 894

You deserved it 231

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 12:17

Why would you do that? Don't be a bitch. YDI.

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 12:03

How much attention does it require to hold something and slowly pull down?

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 12:03

How much attention does it require to hold something and slowly pull down?

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Friday 21 May 2010 16:19

that's what she said :D

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Tuesday 25 May 2010 2:47

ahahhahaha!^^^^

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Sunday 5 June 2011 17:46

alot actually so you don't burn yourself like this idiot did

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Thursday 18 October 2012 14:51

You sound like a real bitch, OP. think about it from the hairdressers perspective - you keep getting onto her for not doing her job right, then take her tools away to do it yourself and screw it up. I would have laughed at you.

Wednesday 8 April 2009 12:06

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

denktron420_fml 0

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Tuesday 14 June 2011 0:31

It's called a straightening IRON. It's like a curling IRON, but to make your hair straight. idiot.

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Tuesday 4 December 2012 12:14

It's also for styling hair not cutting it.

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 12:08

that's what you get for being a bitch who always knows better. YDI

Flying_Pink_Lulz 0

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 12:10

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

shiie 0

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 12:15

Well at least you got your nick spot on. YDI

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 12:17

Why would you do that? Don't be a bitch. YDI.

greendaygirl999 5

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Sunday 21 March 2010 7:59

Yeah I agree, no need to be a uptight bitch. She's the hairdresser, she knows what she's doing

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 12:20

Oww. Well..I know you didnt want to get your hair ruined at the salon but you didnt have to freak out, she probably knew what she was doing. D: Sorry, but you deserved it.

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Friday 8 April 2011 16:12

i agree. if shes employed as a hairdresser, then she probably knows more about hair then you.

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 12:20

#2 I think she means a straightener, not an iron, but this website is American I think. That's probably what they call them there. You're probably Australian and we call them straighteners. Also, she probably was paying attention but just talking to someone or something at the same time. Hairdressers aren't usually that stupid to not pay attention. If someone complains they can probably get fired.

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Sunday 21 March 2010 16:25

Actually, if I'm not mistaken, this site is based in France, since that's where the default location is. Also, we Americans do call them straighteners or flat irons, but I've never heard someone call it just an iron before.

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Monday 4 June 2012 12:50

In America we call them either a straightener, or a flat iron. Usually a flat iron.

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Tuesday 3 December 2013 23:03

All I've ever heard anyone call it here is a straightener. But I suppose it differs from what parts of the country your in.

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 12:30

they have a name for people like you.... of yea.... CUNT!

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 12:30

DIY? YDI? and #8, it was a port of a French site, so, neither American nor Australian.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 91

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 176

You deserved it 287