Work: Today, I got a promotion. I was really excited until I realized... - FML

By ktwithaq - 18/10/2010 11:27 - United States

Today, I got a promotion. I was really excited until I realized that the only friend I had to celebrate with was my pet cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 738

You deserved it 5 348

Dysfunctional

Mama's boy

Leave us alone

By Terra - 19/11/2016 05:14

Today, I logged on Facebook and saw my friend who'd been engaged, then broke the engagement, then got back together announce their new wedding date: three days before my wedding. She also sent me a message asking if I'd move my date. We've been planning our wedding for two years. She got engaged six months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 398

You deserved it 780

That's worth $0.30 at GameStop!

By maystar - 26/05/2018 15:00

Today, it's my birthday. My mom and three other relatives each bought me a copy of Diablo 3 for my birthday. A video game that I didn't ask for, for a console I don't have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 814

You deserved it 293

Slid right out

By Tabby Rosas - 21/02/2021 21:30

Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 63

By And I'm still single - 24/03/2013 08:59 - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, I found out that my picture from a dating profile was so "hilarious" that people have been posting it on Instagram with mean captions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 441

You deserved it 6 021

By dieders - 21/11/2016 06:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and opened my curtains to see my gardener up a ladder in front of my window tending to the plants growing up the side of the wall. This would've been fine if his ballsack wasn't hanging out his shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 750

You deserved it 1 129

By MommaAnnie - 02/05/2013 15:59 - United States - Overland Park

Spicy

Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that he casually mentioned it after we've been together for 10 years, or that it actually works. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 575

You deserved it 14 757

By unknown - 26/02/2012 13:53 - United States

Today, I gave my little brother my iPhone so he could play a game. I soon forgot about it, and when I got it back two hours later, there was pudding and a couple of big cracks in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 067

You deserved it 30 807

By iswearicandrive - 17/12/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, I hit my boss's car. It's only my second day on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 226

You deserved it 10 258

By anon - 29/01/2015 18:32 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I woke up after taking the new sleeping pills I was prescribed for my insomnia. I slept for 12 hours and had 5 missed calls from my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 141

You deserved it 2 843

By Anonymous - 29/11/2014 21:54 - United States - North Adams

Today, I asked my girlfriend's father for permission to take his daughter's hand in marriage. He asked me "Which one?" I said "Uh, the one I'm dating... Lisa." He belched and said, "Yeah sure, throw 'er off a cliff for all I care. Piss off, boy." So much for chivalry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 419

You deserved it 3 713

By Anonymous - 10/10/2015 06:39 - Canada - Victoria

Today, my wedding celebration came to an awkward pause when my dad slapped my mom across the face and called her a whore after she admitted to having an affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 999

You deserved it 1 858

By both are dimwitted - 23/12/2014 18:32 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 402

You deserved it 4 639

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 19:27 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was waiting in line for what seemed like forever at the only open lane at the grocery store. The guy in front of me took his sweet time and had multiple cards rejected, before finally pulling out a $100 bill and demanding exact change. He was buying a carton of milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 353

You deserved it 2 230

By hahahawoww - 31/01/2010 00:32 - United States

Today, I discovered that my best friend of 3 years has me in her phone as "Stupid Bitch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 411

You deserved it 4 443

By Pr unlucky - 02/10/2010 08:07 - Australia

Today, I married the woman I love. I wasn't the groom, I was the minister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 442

You deserved it 6 646

By Pancakegirl - 18/06/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at IHOP. When I left, a middle aged man in the parking lot offered me $100 to sleep with him in the dumpsters behind the building. That is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 751

You deserved it 4 022

By mainey92 - 25/02/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, I heard a rumor about myself going around my high school that I am pregnant, I've dropped out of school, and that my belly is showing. I'm not actually pregnant. I've been severely depressed, so I've missed a few days of school and I've been eating too much apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 045

You deserved it 4 477

By WTF - 05/09/2009 22:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my parents doing it. Luckily they didn't see me so I slipped out. I looked outside, trying to take my mind of the horrors I had just witnessed, only to realize my dad's car wasn't in the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 476

You deserved it 3 389

By Anonymous - 24/03/2011 07:29 - Australia

Today, I was chosen to MC a function at work. I developed a terrible case of hiccups which made the audience giggle and groan for the duration of my time on stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 371

You deserved it 3 266

By apowell5 - 02/10/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to try and get answers about the numbness and tingling in my right leg. The Dr told me I was too fat for my pants, and I pinched a nerve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 561

You deserved it 40 492

By (-__- ) ( ^.^) - 11/10/2013 21:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Spicy

Today, trying to be romantic, I started coming on to my wife while in bed, only for her to yet again say she wasn't in the mood. When I asked why she never is lately, she sarcastically blamed it on the government shutdown, then rolled over to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 835

You deserved it 6 302

By Anonymous - 18/01/2014 19:49 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, at work, a kid rushed into the bathroom to vomit. Understandable, except he threw up into the sinks. Sinks plural, whose drain holes are so small that only liquid can really pass through. Guess who had to clean up vomit chunks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 404

You deserved it 3 803

By Anonymous - 22/11/2014 21:08 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I woke up, only to find my Xbox missing. Thankfully I have a security camera discreetly wired up in the tree on my lawn. Checking the tapes, I saw my brother park outside my house, let himself in with his spare key, then drive off with my missing equipment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 202

You deserved it 2 963

By sgibson982136 - 03/06/2019 20:00

Today, I spent 30 minutes ringing up a Guinea pig and supplies for a customer who talked like a sloth, all while she argued with over the price of everything, only for her to return it all 5 minutes later because her sister "changed her mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 786

You deserved it 109

By KS - 17/02/2009 20:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, at the end of a really long day my boyfriend was rubbing my back. I told him I appreciated how sensitive he was being. His response? "I was just trying to figure out how to unhook your bra." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 204

You deserved it 8 926

By TuralSucks - 11/03/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 270 827

You deserved it 17 886

By notamum - 29/03/2014 02:07 - Australia - Belmont

Today, I was babysitting my 4-month-old niece at the park, when a woman came up to me and said, "Don't worry, dear. You'll get your figure back soon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 571

You deserved it 4 685

By mrdentist - 02/12/2010 13:20

Today, I was cleaning one of my elderly patient's teeth. After finishing and reminding her to floss, I realised she had died. Supposedly she was dead for a good 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 755

You deserved it 5 514

Not today, Satan, not today!

By Anonymous - 15/12/2021 01:01 - United Kingdom

Today, after trying really hard to impress a girl and thinking everything was going the right way, hugs, kisses and chatting every night, and trying to spend as much time together, I get told, "I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want." Meaning me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 111

By arrow - 30/07/2018 19:00

Today, my math teacher decided to give everyone in the class candy. He skipped me, and when another student pointed it out, his response was "I don’t like her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 493

You deserved it 358

By Anonymous - 29/06/2011 23:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was cheating on me when I got pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 811

You deserved it 7 343

By Anonymous - 09/03/2012 18:12 - United States

Today, I found out that the gnat infestation in my dorm room was not caused by the recent cool weather, but rather the rotten pear I found under my roommates bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 698

You deserved it 2 550

By Anonymous - 15/04/2015 22:52 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, while cleaning my desk I found a stray gumball. I quickly popped it into my mouth only to discover with horror that it was a paintball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 101

You deserved it 36 330

Cruisin' for a bruisin'

By leah - 07/01/2021 14:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, I was beaten up by a complete stranger for “giving her a dirty look.” I can’t see my own face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 68

By Anonymous - 10/07/2015 17:07 - United States

Today, as always, I have a type of eczema that flares up when I'm stressed out or anxious. And today, the girl I've been in love with for 4 years asked me out on a date. We meet up in a few hours, and right now I look like I have smallpox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 515

You deserved it 1 738

Stupid cat

By cathater - 06/01/2020 01:00 - United States - Eddington

Today, as I was getting dressed for my big date, my cat pooped on my only shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 876

You deserved it 733

By Anonymous - 28/05/2019 16:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me I didn't make enough noise during sex. Then when we had sex again, I made the noises she wanted. She then broke up with me because apparently, when I came, I screamed like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 340

You deserved it 410

By Anonymous - 14/08/2012 18:12 - United States - San Jacinto

Today, it's garbage day. My mom accidentally threw away a receipt she needed to return something and told me to go get it. While I was looking for it, a cop gave me hell for "stealing recyclables on private property." This all happened in my front lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 847

You deserved it 1 902

By Greg - 11/02/2013 04:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I got left in the middle of slow dancing with a girl I liked. She came back and said, "Sorry, I had to make sure the guy I really like knows that I don't like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 519

You deserved it 2 531

By notnicefools - 29/05/2012 02:51 - United States - San Diego

Today, I went to visit my husband's grave. I was unable to mourn in peace because some teenagers were smoking pot and talking about a government conspiracy "to change the way gravity works" on the next grave over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 521

You deserved it 2 288

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Top comments

Send a private message

Monday 18 October 2010 15:50

This is a cat-astrophe! I say, quit being a pussy and go make some friends.

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Monday 18 October 2010 16:24

Being kinda Socially Retarded myself, I feel ya. But there'll be friends soon enough for you tho, so don't worry about it too much. Congratz on the promo :D

Comments

heavymetalman1 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 15:45

poor kitty

Phustercluck 11

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Monday 18 October 2010 15:46

/sadface

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Monday 18 October 2010 15:49

you should find more friends to play with your pussy

XsianinvasionX 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 16:02

lol hey can someone tell me wat ydi means

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Monday 18 October 2010 16:06

you deserve it

MissErikaHart 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 16:51

hell ya, more money for u!!

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Monday 18 October 2010 17:14

Party cat, is it time for breakfast? No, it's time to party.

lm27 5

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Monday 18 October 2010 17:17

Get another cat, then you'll have 2 friends to celebrate with!

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Monday 18 October 2010 17:40

There's nothing to celebrate about getting promoted to cook in Mc Donald's.

Thunderpants12 2

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Monday 18 October 2010 17:52

Does your cat feel the same way?

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Monday 18 October 2010 17:58

who wouldn't enjoy celebrating with a little pussy?

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Monday 18 October 2010 20:05

yeah car sucks as much as you mom does in the back seat of her minivan that you tool around in. wait that must mean my car really sucks. FML.

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Monday 18 October 2010 20:07

your mom. sorry grammar Nazis out there.

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Monday 18 October 2010 20:11

#82, I'm sorry to tell you that even with that correction, your comment is still full of failure :)

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Monday 18 October 2010 20:22

Failure is so hard to aspire to, but I am glad that I have reached my goal. :P

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 3:30

I personally think your car is kick ass. looked like a lamborghini on the fmls applications small picture

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 4:03

thats exactly what I'm going through right now. I'm 12.

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 7:16

94 obviously you think its cool beacuse you're 14 years old and you know nothing about cars rofl

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 8:20

anything with vertical doors look awesome...bat moblie for one ;3

Notimetobleed 14

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 8:18

74 I clicked your profile because you looked like a real douche, which you are.

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Monday 18 October 2010 15:47

yes, FYL indeed.

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 3:07

OP, celebrate by getting laid

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Monday 18 October 2010 15:48

wow fyl

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Monday 18 October 2010 15:49

U need to go out and get really really drunk!!!

kellykerplunkk 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 15:49

hahah aw

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Monday 18 October 2010 15:50

This is a cat-astrophe! I say, quit being a pussy and go make some friends.

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Monday 18 October 2010 16:03

omg 2 puns in one sentence! it's the end of all fmls

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Monday 18 October 2010 16:07

so funny. nawt.

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Monday 18 October 2010 16:11

Nawt? SMH

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Monday 18 October 2010 16:19

Learn to appreciate my humor. You mini Buzz Killingtons.

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Monday 18 October 2010 16:35

FFML, I get and appreciate your humor. Even if it took you *two* sentences to make two puns, not one. Don't be a sourpuss, just continue strutting on the catwalk like the supermodel you really are.

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Monday 18 October 2010 16:39

Hey! I do what I can. :D

MissErikaHart 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 16:54

how does ffml's ass smell Doc? I'm just wondering cuz ur always kissing it...

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Monday 18 October 2010 17:13

How does cocaine feel, MissErikaHart? Since you're always snorting it.

perdix 29

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Monday 18 October 2010 17:20

FFML_314 & MissErikaHart: Cat Fight!!!!! Reeeeeeeeer!

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Monday 18 October 2010 17:21

ahh needless to say, it's a cat fight

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Monday 18 October 2010 17:23

Miss Hart, I kiss noone's ass but my wife's. I compliment her because I find her comments amusing, unlike yours. If you make an amusing comment, I'll be happy to compliment it. Until then, you are welcome to stand under a pile of bricks and play Chicken with gravity.

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Monday 18 October 2010 17:27

She is just mad, because I made it known how stupid she is.

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Monday 18 October 2010 17:33

Perhaps you will be able to tell us how those bricks smell??

KingDingALing 9

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Monday 18 October 2010 19:04

Hahahahahahahahahaha! Funniest comments I've ever read!

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 7:20

But ur not really funny. go spend ur time doing something else. go ahead, correct my grammar loser.

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 15:39

I might just cry.

sweet_candy_ 17

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Monday 18 October 2010 15:50

You should go out and make some friends.

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Monday 18 October 2010 16:13

Thank you for pointing this out Sherlock Holmes.

MissErikaHart 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 16:56

"no shit Sherlock" is not how u say it anymore?

sweetcheeksjvl 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 19:54

yeah it's "No shit Sherlock!"

sweet_candy_ 17

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 0:04

you're welcome Watson :)

AjaxF 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 15:51

Seems like your pussy is the only friend you've got. . .FYL! YDI for not going out more

WickedWendigoX 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 15:55

meow meow mix

SeasonedLemur 5

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Monday 18 October 2010 19:22

Meow mix is the devils work!! Worst Drug Ever...

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Monday 18 October 2010 15:55

hey at least your pet cat will always be there for you!!!

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Monday 18 October 2010 16:31

cats live for like 10 years or somthing

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Monday 18 October 2010 22:56

lol rain on his parade

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 5

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 758

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 975