Miscellaneous: Today, to treat the family, I cooked something nice in appreciation... - FML

12/04/2017 05:00 - Canada - Kingston

Today, to treat the family, I cooked something nice in appreciation for sticking it out over the past few tough months. Unfortunately, I chose this one day to not wear my oven mitts when carrying the food to the table, spilling the food all over the carpeted floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 462

You deserved it 2 853

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Empathy lives

Clean up in aisle 3 please

24/04/2017 12:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, one hour before bedtime on the last day of the school holidays, my kids informed me that they need art smocks for school. They have no idea why I'm frustrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 536

You deserved it 332

03/07/2010 18:57 - Australia

Today, after spending a great evening with the guy I really like, he dropped me off outside my house. When he pulled into my driveway, his lights shone onto my drunken mum taking the garbage out in nothing but her black panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 070

You deserved it 3 125

07/03/2010 05:41 - United States

Today, my friend and I went to the park. I bet my friend I could fit into the swing that was sized for toddlers. I managed to fit in, but I couldn't get out. My friend had to call 911 to get me out. When they finally did, the fireman told me that fat ladies shouldn't try stuff like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 962

You deserved it 39 239

20/08/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I took a cute girl out to an arcade date, and mercilessly dominated her in every game there, to the point she refused to talk to me afterwards. Gamer Pride: 1 - Getting Laid: 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 240

You deserved it 100 988

20/08/2009 21:21 - United States

Today, I had my sweet sixteen party. All my best friends came to the microphone to make a little speech. When my boyfriend came to do his, he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 858

You deserved it 6 033

Unfair

By Anonymous - 23/05/2013 07:24 - United States

Today, I got a call from work stating that my employment was being terminated. This was after being suspended while they investigated my sexual harassment claim. Their reason for firing me: misuse of company time. Yes, I suppose reporting being sexually harassed is a huge waste of time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 241

You deserved it 4 846

08/02/2012 13:08 - United States

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend got engaged to a co-worker. I got her the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 208

You deserved it 4 103

Addams Family Values

By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 07:56 - Germany - Zittau

Today, I heard my mom say to the dogs, "Are you hungry? Do you want something tasty out of the garbage can?" Don’t worry though, she probably only meant the one in our garden, where she keeps the deer heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 72

This is America

By Anonymous - 25/06/2020 08:08

Today, I found out a test I need to see if I need surgery on my gallbladder costs more than my pay check, even with insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 101

Caring

By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 23:58 - Antigua and Barbuda - Saint John's

Today, I woke up with a fever, headache and sore throat. All the symptoms of Covid-19. I told my husband, whose responded with, "Sack up and get over yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 155

19/09/2011 19:31 - United States

Today, I went to see my boyfriend with the intention of breaking up with him. Instead I discovered that he lost his job today and has to move back in with his parents. I can't bring myself to dump someone who's already crying about his horrible day. Now I have to comfort my soon-to-be ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 653

You deserved it 10 886

28/01/2017 22:00 - United States - Albany

Today, after being suspicious for some time, I learned that my husband really has been going to the library in his free time to study anatomy. Specifically female anatomy, with the librarian, in the back closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 965

You deserved it 640

Nice

By happypineapple - 17/07/2014 03:31 - Australia - Scarborough

Today, I went to a market. I saw stall which had mainly animal furs and things like that. I found a rounded, furry pen and stroked my cheek with it. Wondering what it was, being so soft and oddly shaped, I checked the tag. It was kangaroo testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 626

You deserved it 19 850

27/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, my wife and I decided to go to an adult store and buy some toys to spice up the bedroom a bit. She wanted to buy a double-edged dildo so "we can use it together". I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 613

You deserved it 699

01/12/2012 23:54 - Norway - Stavanger

Today, while I was removing my makeup with my boyfriend watching, he mentioned that he used to think girls were prettier without makeup on, but he'd now changed his mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 371

You deserved it 3 301

29/04/2013 07:25 - France

Today, I wanted revenge on my college's drinks machine. For the past two days, it forgot to release a cup before pouring my coffee. This time, I had planned ahead; I put my money in, entered the code, and quickly inserted my own cup. It gave me hot water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 039

You deserved it 6 268

05/10/2014 17:04 - United States - Louisville

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 550

You deserved it 3 713

25/02/2010 01:26 - France

Today, a friend of mine commented that I "have a lot of confidence for a fat girl". Ummm... thanks? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 580

You deserved it 4 483

23/07/2019 14:03

Today, my wife let two Jehovah's Witnesses in for a chat, then deliberately went to a neighbour's for "2 minutes," and left me with them for half-an-hour, with them refusing to take my hints to leave. In the end, I told them to fuck off, just as the wife arrived home, and she got mad at me for being rude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 465

You deserved it 174

Comedy gold

By Landdownunder - 05/10/2019 06:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me and decided it'd be funny to blow raspberries in my crotch. He literally thought it was the funniest thing ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 656

You deserved it 291

23/01/2013 01:33 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I discovered that my downstairs neighbor is running a business out of her apartment. Or I should say, her pimp is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 913

You deserved it 2 530

Slumming it

By Anonymous - 25/09/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, my mum and I were moving the last of  my stuff into my new flat when I heard some creaking. The sound was  coming from the bathroom, so I went to check it out. As I stepped  through the door, the floor collapsed and the bathtub and I fell  right through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 95

13/10/2008 08:24 - Australia

Today, I got up at 8am and didn't take a shower so I could hear the postman at the door. He never came. I stink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 533

You deserved it 74 878

14/05/2019 04:00

Today, I had to use anti-perspirant deodorant under my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 293

23/06/2016 01:31

Today, I was volunteering at a local hospital. I was eagerly introducing myself to all the nurses, as I would be working with them all summer. It wasn't until I got home that I discovered the giant piece of lettuce stuck in my front teeth. So much for first impressions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 523

You deserved it 1 938

22/06/2012 07:28 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I made a phone call in my office to my doctor. He wanted to call a prescription to my pharmacy, but wanted to know by what method I would prefer my medication. During our conversation, a group of potential clients walked in just as I exclaimed "I definitely prefer oral." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 092

You deserved it 3 727

14/01/2015 15:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I tripped over a "wet floor" sign at work and hit the floor hard. The floor wasn't even wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 136

You deserved it 4 786

13/05/2014 05:42 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, in a waiting room, my 4-year-old daughter told me she saw two guys kissing. I quietly explained that some men like men, they're gay, and normal like everyone else. I was pleased with myself until the woman across from me scoffed and muttered, "Disgusting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 383

You deserved it 8 344

Just a friend

By UnluckyTh1rteen - 27/08/2020 14:19 - United States - New York

Today, my boyfriend went to get coffee with a friend. As a joke, I texted him to ask how his date with his other girlfriend was going. It really was a date, and apparently it went very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 703

You deserved it 178

11/02/2012 19:20 - United States

Today, I looked over my next homework assignment for art class. It was to draw a portrait of my best friend. I can't think of anyone besides my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 234

You deserved it 4 488

05/03/2012 10:28 - Canada

Today, I was woken up by my neighbour's dog losing its mind, and I remembered reading a story about someone ignoring a dog and later finding out that their car had been stolen. Paranoid, I went outside to check on mine. Nope. Just the damn dog barking at one thirty in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 432

You deserved it 4 045

18/08/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, while on the train with my dad, my boyfriend sent me a message. It was a nude, and when I looked, my dad saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 560

You deserved it 814

14/11/2016 10:31 - United States - Arlington

Today, my mother-in-law scheduled her neck surgery for the same day our baby is being born. She also fully expects my husband to drive her to the hospital and stay for her recovery. Uh, yeah no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 541

You deserved it 1 058

10/05/2014 21:32 - United States

Today, I found a bird that had fallen from its nest, so I made a new nest for it in a shoebox and put it as close to the old one as possible. When I checked back on it later, all I found was a chewed-up corpse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 785

You deserved it 6 176

Slashing Prices Left and Right!

By Charity - 20/03/2017 17:00 - United States

Today, I tutored a kid for two hours, for $25 an hour. When it came time for them to pay, my mother told the kid's parents that they could give me ten bucks for the whole thing. She does this a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 053

You deserved it 740

14/07/2016 17:11 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was told to rub in my sunscreen because I looked like a ghost. I wasn't wearing any. I'm just that white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 630

You deserved it 1 296

Silver linings

By 10 years, 0 dates - 28/11/2020 11:03

Today, I wanted to ask out this cute girl I used to work with. Before I could, she said she likes my only friend there, and asked if could I set them up. Trying to be nice guy and good friend, I did. Then she made her complete lack of interest in me obvious. But hey, at least the gay guy she hung out with thought I was cute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 113

05/03/2012 09:42 - China

Today, I defended the dried up things in the cup noodles as being real vegetables, just so that it would appear that I do actually eat vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 370

You deserved it 23 926

15/04/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I saw a commercial for some sort of meaty beef dish. The camera zoomed in and my mouth watered because it looked so delicious. Then flashed the next scene: golden retrievers running through a field and eating from their bowl. My mouth just watered for a dog food commerical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 404

You deserved it 24 407

21/05/2019 14:11

Today, I ate dinner sitting on the floor. My petty roommate got pissed off during the weekend and decided the appropriate action would be to lock all the furniture in her room and refuse to give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 175

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Top comments

kristinjeaneen 21

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Wednesday 12 April 2017 17:23

Okay, but why would you ever NOT wear oven mitts when carrying hot food?

Fucc_Logic_4evah 13

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Wednesday 12 April 2017 12:10

I guess practice makes perfect? Try practicing with empty trays?

Comments

Fucc_Logic_4evah 13

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Wednesday 12 April 2017 12:10

I guess practice makes perfect? Try practicing with empty trays?

JadeMinu 10

Wednesday 12 April 2017 13:14

Damn.... Forget the carpet OP, you could have seriously injured yourself. At least it's the thought that counts :)

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 12 April 2017 16:02

At least the family had a good laugh after you comedically said, "Hot, hot, hot, hot!" before dropping the food.

kristinjeaneen 21

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Wednesday 12 April 2017 17:23

Okay, but why would you ever NOT wear oven mitts when carrying hot food?

E. H. 14

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Wednesday 12 April 2017 20:13

Awwww that majorly sucks

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Wednesday 12 April 2017 21:51

I feel the key word here is chose... you chose to be an idiot

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Thursday 13 April 2017 2:06

Some metal tray has just come out of the oven at 200 degrees celsius. Let's just pick that up and walk around. This is not an FML. As some random teenager might say..."I can't even".

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Thursday 13 April 2017 10:18

I don't understand how the food would even spill. Wouldn't you be able to feel it being too hot to handle the moment you touched it? Use that muscle in your head next time you deal with hot food.

Cali 54

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Thursday 13 April 2017 10:20

This made me think of the "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck *CLANG*" guy... I wish I could embed the clip here in the comments.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 38

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 105