Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML
Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML
Today, I met a girl at a bar. After buying her a few drinks, we decided to head back to her place. Not wanting to leave either of our cars, I followed her home. While driving, she sent me text because she missed her exit. I tried to text her back something witty and instead rear ended her. FML
Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, some unprovoked drunk asshole tried punching a hole through the windshield of my car. While I was driving it. FML
Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML
Today, a drunk in a wheelchair tried to fight me. I walked away as he kept hurling insults. He then rammed his chair into my legs, making me fall. I walked away again. Upon the second time, I got up and punched him dead in his face, knocking him backward. I was tackled to the ground for hitting him. FML
Today, while my friend and I signed the guest-book at a wedding, the drunk guy at our table stole my friend's painkillers and car keys before getting into a cab. Didn't need the painkillers, definitely needed the keys. FML
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Top comments
baileys82 0
good on you for trying to keep her off the road. i hope this was reported to the police.
Tubasaurus 0
You called the police right? She committed at least 3 serious crimes by doing that. DUI, public intoxication (depending on state laws), and assault with a deadly weapon (also depending on state laws). She at least needs to be aware of how serious this is.
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Comments (106)
ddrluna 2
So you're going to report her, right?
p00p0ster0us 0
Good on you for trying and not dying.
Sgt_Schadenfreud 0
Prosecution time.
Beven 0
more like prostitution time!!! for the girl that is.... to the OP... so he doesn't prosecute.
cloudywolf17 0
What's that I hear? Sounds like the breaking of a bank.
Tubasaurus 0
You called the police right? She committed at least 3 serious crimes by doing that. DUI, public intoxication (depending on state laws), and assault with a deadly weapon (also depending on state laws). She at least needs to be aware of how serious this is.
monsterface4627 0
How fast did she hit you? did you break something?
car6435 0
shit happens. even crazy drunk shit
McLaughlane 0
Maybe he was drunk too, unable to drive her home, but smart enough to know that neither one of them should have been driving. So no, he did not deserve it. Good for him for trying.
celestial_42 0
was it deliberate. are you okay. few good deads go unpunished, i guess.
landikra 0
She was a friend or just a random girl?