Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML
Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML
Today, I met a girl at a bar. After buying her a few drinks, we decided to head back to her place. Not wanting to leave either of our cars, I followed her home. While driving, she sent me text because she missed her exit. I tried to text her back something witty and instead rear ended her. FML
Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, some unprovoked drunk asshole tried punching a hole through the windshield of my car. While I was driving it. FML
Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML
Today, a drunk in a wheelchair tried to fight me. I walked away as he kept hurling insults. He then rammed his chair into my legs, making me fall. I walked away again. Upon the second time, I got up and punched him dead in his face, knocking him backward. I was tackled to the ground for hitting him. FML
Today, while my friend and I signed the guest-book at a wedding, the drunk guy at our table stole my friend's painkillers and car keys before getting into a cab. Didn't need the painkillers, definitely needed the keys. FML
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Top comments
baileys82 0
good on you for trying to keep her off the road. i hope this was reported to the police.
Tubasaurus 0
You called the police right? She committed at least 3 serious crimes by doing that. DUI, public intoxication (depending on state laws), and assault with a deadly weapon (also depending on state laws). She at least needs to be aware of how serious this is.
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Comments (106)
captivemj 4
U should have let the bitch drive off, then tipped the cops tht she is DUI and got her ass into the lockup for the night.
BikerMike 0
call the cops on that ignorant ****
SusanaSaysRawrxD 0
God, could everyone shut up about Karma? It amazes me that there are so many hardcore atheists on this site, bur everyone believes in the bullshit that is Karma. You guys don't even know what it IS. It's something that is supposed to affect you in your next life.
kvgf1484 0
Could everyone get off of everyone else's backs about what they believe? Meaning is completely individual. They can believe whatever they want to believe about karma or god or whatever! It doesn't make any difference to you if they don't have the meaning of karma completely inline with yours.
greatnt249 0
It's called hijacking a word and giving it a definition to suit your own needs; doing so demonstrates ignorance. If you can't use the term properly, then don't use it at all.
pinkpiggy77 0
Wrong! You're not correct in your meaning for it either. If you were to read some ancient Hindu scripture known as the Bhagavad Gita, you would learn that there are four kinds of karma, with one form being immediate actions affecting a future life, but another form being immediate actions that impact the current life. You look twice as dumb accusing others of ignorance when you're unaware of the truth yourself.
milgalo 0
Maybe he could've offered her somewhere to stay at his house, or something. Sounds sketchy, but if they're good friends, I doubt he'd do anything. Maybe let her sleep on his couch? I don't know, but meh. I think he did a good thing to try to keep her off the road. She deserves what happens to her if she doesn't have her night planned out, and she shouldn't have to risk someone's live because of her poor judgement. Just a thought. :] "HEY GUYS ITS KARMA." I love how everyone is getting into a pointless fight over this... You don't have to agree with me, but Karma is part of a religion. God has many different meanings, too. I think that Karma can, as well. And if the thing about the 4 different karma's is true, then, well, I guess the people who say you're butchering the word don't really know what they're talking about either... :] You don't have to be part of a religion to believe a certain part of it, like agnostics do. By the way, words develop because of the way people use them. If 80% of the population uses Karma in a "what goes around, comes around" way, that's how the word will be defined. Words change, stop complaining.
pinkpiggy77 0
The following is taken from the wiki page for karma- "Prarabdha: Fruit-bearing karma is the portion of accumulated karma that has "ripened" and appears as a particular problem in the present life."
ohhhhshizzz 0
Wikipedia is not a variable source, honestly, Don't make yourself look like a dipshit. And I hate all the people who get all bent out of shape when people talk about Karma, someone does this every FML WHO THE **** CARES?! Gosh, this is just a site, not something you have to get butthurt about. Take a chillpill.
sunray 0
sue that bitch!
msw52 0
Good job for trying but at that point you should have just called the cops.. she really deserved to be arrested for that shit and should see the severity of her actions
btuwo 0
If this FML is legitimate you did the right thing. People like this girl are the reason so many die by drunk drivers.. f her.
jessiebabehh 0
you were trying to help, she didnt need to be such a bitch!
WormFromABird 0
Keep the keys and steal her car :/
ohsnapitsmoses 0
No good deed goes unpunished.
sailnaked6842 0
hey, look on the bright side. After that it wouldn't be hard to screw her