Intimacy: Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions...

By mc_dreamy - 21/08/2010 16:49 - United States

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 645

You deserved it 16 023

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Soaked - 20/05/2010 15:20 - United States

Today, my family, including my 2 year old niece, went to the zoo. We were at the lion exhibit. I was holding my niece so she could get a better view of the lions. As I was holding her, the lions started to roar. She got so scared that she peed. Her diaper wasn't very absorbent, but my shirt was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 396

You deserved it 4 692

By teacher - 25/01/2013 05:25 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I led a class of grade-two pupils on an excursion to the zoo. When we went to see the lions I was put in a position where I had to explain to seven and eight year olds why one lion was "bouncing" on top of the other one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 584

You deserved it 3 182

By gorillalove - 11/09/2010 19:25 - United States

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 291

You deserved it 10 551

I am sexy

By Anonymous - 19/12/2019 18:00

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 459

You deserved it 495

By Anonymous - 04/04/2015 12:53 - United States

Today, while at the zoo with my boyfriend, he pointed at the howling gorillas and shouted over to me: "Hah! That's what you sound like in bed!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 579

You deserved it 4 250

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 14:05 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 060

You deserved it 3 113

Ummmm… OK?

By Lionman - 05/04/2012 05:11 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 360

You deserved it 2 722

By DuhSteven - 06/06/2012 17:04 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I had my first ever shift at the zoo. My job is to explain the characteristics and habits of various animals to the visitors. A five-year-old outsmarted me while I was talking about lions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 488

You deserved it 26 574

By shando - 08/11/2009 02:13 - United States

Today, I went to a petting zoo with my niece and nephew. While we were checking out the llamas, one of them spit directly into my face. Disgusted and embarrassed, we turned away to pet a deer. The deer immediately urinated then shook its tail, which splattered it into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 580

You deserved it 3 575

By wtf bro - 20/05/2015 08:45 - Australia - Canberra

Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 184

You deserved it 3 631

xsnapxitsxjustin 0

Saturday 21 August 2010 23:22

oooh .. aha u need to guide that kid . before she becomes a single mom on the future .. haha

jussjess 0

Saturday 21 August 2010 23:23

WOW! What has she been learning at preschool!?

Comments

repeatedlystabd 0

Tuesday 24 August 2010 19:12

AAAhahaha, that's too perfect! Says a lot about your brother, too. Oh god, it's so hard not to laugh. XD

iRichiq 3

Wednesday 25 August 2010 0:10

so young, so wasted

howrudoin 11

Wednesday 25 August 2010 6:50

your niece has a very bright future, to comprehend that at such a young age ;)

bonnienclyde 0

Wednesday 25 August 2010 7:23

I love it .

qazplmsdfghjk 0

Thursday 26 August 2010 5:29

I love it. Kids say the darnedest things lol.

scooter69 0

Thursday 26 August 2010 7:29

hahahahahahah that's so funny! kids are so sharp these days ;)

i_Tanya 3

Thursday 26 August 2010 19:23

I thought i was blessed with forbidden knowledge early, at 7. this girl knows what's up.

bad_romance_14 2

Sunday 29 August 2010 3:22

how is this an FML?

ghoulscout666 0

Thursday 2 September 2010 6:25

kids can say the most unexpected things sometimes

deeplydisturbed1 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 5:21

haha..******* hilarious what has our world come to?

Keywords

DIY Plumbing Miscellaneous Relatable Transportation Awkward Work Clothes Embarrassing My ex Fire Love Bodyshaming Health Cute Kids Parents AITA Relationship advice Jealousy Customers Pregnancy Break-ups Weird Shopping Romantic Texting Racism Family Death

The Top

Today, I thought I'd patched up the hole in my window pretty well. That is, until I heard a buzzing noise in my room. There was a huge ass bee that somehow got inside and was trying to escape. I would've helped, but I'm terrified of bees, and I'm now afraid to enter my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 204

Today, I'm being forced to keep an eye on my cousin, who is getting married in the morning. He’s tried to marry his fiancé before and chickened out at the altar. For some reason she forgave him and now the bride's mother has made it my job to watch him like a hawk until after the "I Do-s", or else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 84

The Top

Today, I decided to be nice and "drop" a twenty in my grandma's house for her to find. She injured her back while picking it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 982

You deserved it 865

Today, I participated in the school play. My family came to see me in the production. All was going well when my dad came up to me and said, "Where the fuck were you? The show sucked." Thanks dad for not recognizing your own daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 641

You deserved it 2 879

Today, my neighbors discovered Gangnam Style. Ever since I moved in, they've had an obsession with getting wasted by noon and blasting out shitty music all through the evening. I could just about deal with their dubstep fixation before, but now I just want to blow my own head off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 428

You deserved it 4 701

Today, I spent one night with my phone turned off so I could finally relax. When I turned it back on I had 17 missed calls from siblings wanting to moan about their spouses, 5 calls from mom, 6 from dad, 2 from work, and 2 from my ex. I think I’ve earned some time alone, don’t you? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 115

Today, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to one another. He then did a naked victory lap around his dad's house, blasting Akon's "I Just Had Sex" at full volume. He's legally an adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 566

You deserved it 6 085

Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 615

You deserved it 9 660

Same thing different taste

I am sexy

Ummmm… OK?

Top comments

Comments