Today, I told my mom I was going on a date tonight. She laughed...

By Grounded - 29/12/2010 18:50 - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going on a date tonight. She laughed and didn't believe me. When I tried to convince her it was real, she got mad and grounded me for lying. I had to cancel the date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41107

You deserved it

3768

Favorite

Love

Understandable

Time don't heal nothing

The student becomes the master

By Anonymous - 21/12/2013 06:26 - United States - New York

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me during a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51990

You deserved it

4499

Favorite

By Chef stupid - 11/8/2016 15:32 - United States - Houston

Today, while working at a fine-dining restaurant, I was dicing veggies. I was paying such close attention to make sure the veggies were all the same size, that I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13047

You deserved it

2490

Favorite

By selfesteemboost - 27/1/2012 17:14 - Belize

Today, one of my dorm-mates started laughing at a bra hanging to dry in our bathroom. She thought it was hilarious that a college student would still have "such small, baby tits." It was my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29951

You deserved it

3067

Favorite

By Anon - 4/8/2013 05:36 - Australia - Perth

Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46511

You deserved it

20162

Favorite

By elle - 19/11/2013 17:31 - United States - Round Lake

Today, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. After telling her everything I'm going through, she looked at me and said "You know... every five years or so I get a case completely beyond my ability to help." I guess it's been five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50403

You deserved it

3346

Favorite

By pass me the fucking rope - 18/6/2016 13:17 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse, a bird shat on my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14331

You deserved it

906

Favorite

By Luke - 25/7/2010 22:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping a friend move. Before we arrived, he put his key on my key ring to keep it safe. When we got there, he promptly shoved my front door key into the lock and snapped it clean off. Not only can we not get into his house, but now I can't get back into mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31647

You deserved it

4036

Favorite

By lonely - 4/4/2011 10:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I was excited about being set up on a blind date by one of my new co-workers. It turns out the guy she thought would be a "totally perfect match" for me is the ex who cheated on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39546

You deserved it

3529

Favorite

By Hello Nurse - 24/9/2012 04:32 - United States - El Macero

Today, a very attractive man asked me out. I'd have been flattered if I weren't the nurse assigned to his laboring wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29228

You deserved it

1753

Favorite

By Disney - 18/2/2011 22:29 - United States

Today, I found out that to save on expenses, my wife booked a very small hotel room for ourselves and the kids while we visit Disney World. I've been officially cockblocked by Mickey Mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38055

You deserved it

8374

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 04:08 - United States

Today, I was straightening my hair for my Christmas Eve party. I put the hot straighter down on my bed for a second, and zoned out enough to sit squarely on it a few moments later. I now have burns on my ass cheek, and a six-hour party at which I can't even sit down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10149

You deserved it

32970

Favorite

By blow me - 7/8/2015 16:36 - Australia - Vermont

Today, I bought some pricey lipstick for a date tonight. An hour after putting it on, my lips are so swollen, I look like a blow-up sex doll. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23724

You deserved it

3316

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/8/2012 06:21 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, I accidentally sprayed some perfume in my eye. After rinsing said burning eye with water for a few minutes, I half-blindly grabbed the eyedrops my sister left on the counter and used some. They were actually tea tree oil drops. Ouch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25473

You deserved it

5589

Favorite

By dumped - 27/10/2009 23:13 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's best friend was dumped, and was absolutely depressed. My girlfriend thought she'd show her sympathy by breaking up with me so they "could be single together." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51657

You deserved it

2762

Favorite

By klyoung5 - 3/1/2011 17:17 - United States

Today, while sitting next to the cute guy in my English class, I had to sneeze. I turned away from him and sneezed into my arm. My long hair got in the way and I accidentally shot a huge snot rocket into my hair. I spent the rest of the class trying to get it out without him noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27260

You deserved it

4917

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/12/2014 17:06 - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He's Latino, so I thought he'd like it if I made a bit of noise and called him "papi" while we did it. It freaked him out enough to kill his boner, and now he thinks I have some kind of incest fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23490

You deserved it

46042

Favorite

By samsterling - 13/3/2016 22:30 - United States - Blacksburg

Today, I paid $500 for a gym membership after moving into a brand new house, since 12 years of software development has taken its toll. When I told my instructor about my goal to lose 35lbs in two months, he simply said, "Yeah... That's not going to happen. Try another gym," and left promptly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18238

You deserved it

4136

Favorite

By bhnja_ - 18/4/2013 20:34 - Philippines - Mandaue

Today, I got cut from my track team. My coach told me it was because my sprints were "too fast" for his liking. Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks

58248

You deserved it

3842

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/11/2012 05:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband surprised me by cooking a romantic dinner. I asked him why the sudden gesture. His response? "The cable was out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22671

You deserved it

4534

Favorite

By Tenniemo - 20/6/2018 15:00 - United States

Today, while packing up my classroom, I had a sudden stinging pain in my finger. Since I live in Arizona, my first thought was a black widow or scorpion, but the ER doctor didn't believe me and said it's nothing. Tell that to my tingling swollen arm. It’s been 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3631

You deserved it

190

Favorite

By gutted - 21/4/2011 08:33 - New Zealand

Today, one of my really close friends changed from being 'free' to 'quite busy' in the space of one conversation because I suggested that we hang out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30361

You deserved it

3523

Favorite

By iAMloud - 19/3/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I was riding to a prom with my friends in the middle of a swamp-covered area. I stuck my head out the top and screamed like they do in the movies. My hair, makeup, and mouth were quickly filled with bugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12432

You deserved it

67366

Favorite

By sammarli530 - 29/5/2013 16:24 - United States - New Lenox

Today, after calling the insurance plan for my new iPhone a "huge waste of money", I promptly dropped it in the store while trying to put it into my pocket, cracking the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24733

You deserved it

51997

Favorite

By tracelee - 3/3/2009 09:22 - United States

Today, I hit a parked car. I was walking. To make the scene more embarrassing, the car alarm shocked me and I backed up quickly into the parking meter, knocking me down once more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44418

You deserved it

13179

Favorite

By Mal - 29/10/2010 20:02 - United States

Today, I finally mustered up the guts to ask this girl I like to dinner and a movie. She agreed on the terms that she could bring someone, and I'd said it wouldn't be a problem. When I met up with her a few hours later, I found out she'd brought her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33384

You deserved it

6650

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/4/2013 16:14 - United Kingdom - York

Today, a family of geese nested outside my halls of residence. They have started attacking everyone who tries to get in or out of the building. I'm basically being placed under house arrest by birds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46670

You deserved it

3964

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/4/2016 23:46 - United States - Cary

Today, I'd like to thank the genius who scheduled my class in a building which is actively being torn down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20475

You deserved it

1212

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/12/2015 08:19 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, a colleague told me he was pretending to be me on a dating site, and that he has four pending dates. Last time I tried being myself, my first and only date pushed me down some stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22810

You deserved it

1666

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/2/2019 04:00

Today, I bought some new led under glow lights for underneath my car. I was putting them on when my dad came out, insisted on taking over, and then proceeded to break them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2030

You deserved it

616

Favorite

By Z3R0G5 - 6/1/2014 23:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my dog found out how to turn my Xbox off. So whenever he wants attention, guess what he does. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54051

You deserved it

19178

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/1/2016 07:03 - United States - Reno

Today, at the age of 20, I still have a bed time. It is strictly enforced by my cat via endless meows if I am up past 11 pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23920

You deserved it

4576

Favorite

By volleyballgirl12 - 17/1/2010 06:31 - France

Today, my grandma told me to fuck off when I tried to help her with the dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33887

You deserved it

6365

Favorite

By "Jam2019" - 15/2/2019 14:00

Today, despite using the bathroom before I left my house, then at the bus station 10 minutes later, I still had to get off my bus halfway into my hour long journey to pee in a back alley or I would have wet myself. I'm 24 and this has happened twice in the last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2038

You deserved it

217

Favorite

By Dale - 21/2/2009 02:20 - Costa Rica

Today, I got to Costa Rica for my first vacation in five years. I immediately rented a scooter for the week after checking into my prepaid, no refunds, hotel. On the way back from the rental agency I hit a pothole and broke my leg and ripped the skin off my foot. I'm flying home tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47364

You deserved it

4135

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/5/2012 12:15 - United States - Hanover

Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams to come over for a movie. When I answered the door, my little brother ran up behind me, yelled "geronimo" and pulled down my pants and underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34039

You deserved it

3186

Favorite

By WentInABush - 15/11/2012 07:23 - United States - Portland

Today, while in my room on the computer, I had a sudden urge to pee. I got up to use the loo and started hearing some disturbing noises from inside. Apparently I was so quiet my parents thought I was gone and decided to have sex in the shower. It's been an hour and my bladder is about to burst. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36253

You deserved it

3205

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/10/2011 03:29 - United States

Today, while working in a jail, I had to tell an inmate arrested for domestic violence that no, he could not use his phone call to call me at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26913

You deserved it

2262

Favorite

By mongoosemike - 7/6/2011 05:55

Today, I walked downstairs, made a bowl of hot cereal, and held a full conversation with my brother's girlfriend, before I finally put two and two together and realized I hadn't put any pants on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13781

You deserved it

29386

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/9/2019 06:03

I am the law

Today I got a ticket for driving on the wrong side of the road. It was a one-way street. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1072

You deserved it

318

Favorite

By NotALady - 15/12/2016 22:20

Today, I was at a gas station when I got a bad stomach ache. I clenched my cheeks together and rushed to the nearest bathroom. Twenty minutes and a clogged toilet later, I exited the one-person bathroom to a line of very angry women. I had run into the wrong restroom. One of them threw a tampon at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8292

You deserved it

1561

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Team_Buffy | 0

#743744 - Tuesday 29 December 2010 23:14

Why did you cancel the date? If you would of let your date show up, your mom would of seen that you were telling the truth. It could of gotten you un-grounded.

But seriously........sometimes, I think people think of the weirdest shit just to get on this site. This doesn't happen in real life.

By BlinkOnceForYes | 0

#743768 - Tuesday 29 December 2010 23:22

That would be one horrible mother.

But if you have no life, no friends, and no dates.. what is there really to ground you from?

Comments

By xdarknightx | 0

#743713 - Tuesday 29 December 2010 23:07

first

TROLLINshitUP | 0

#743853 - Tuesday 29 December 2010 23:50

YDI for lying to your mom, you dumb unattractive bitch.

By BaBiiSpAnKy821 | 0

#743736 - Tuesday 29 December 2010 23:13

u must be one ugly puppy (:

MagneticGuitar | 0

#743833 - Tuesday 29 December 2010 23:44

You are the one to speak...

boltaction1 | 0

#843575 - Thursday 11 February 2010 5:26

Seconded

Kgirl2cute | 6

#995303 - Sunday 16 May 2010 8:39

Jeez #3, no need to be a bitch!

Hommus | 0

#1017644 - Thursday 3 June 2010 16:01

thirded

chelzy | 0

#1039546 - Tuesday 22 June 2010 20:22

she's not ugly. she's socially handicapped. by her face.

Brendan3693 | 0

#1342176 - Friday 3 September 2010 7:40

81 jeez that was harsh

-shakes hand- good one!

By Team_Buffy | 0

#743744 - Tuesday 29 December 2010 23:14

damnwtfdude | 0

#743832 - Tuesday 29 December 2010 23:44

That depends on whether he was going to pick her up or the other way around. I don't think it would be too nice to leave your date waiting for you to arrive.

the_stereotype | 0

#746030 - Thursday 31 December 2010 1:37

yeah, but i mean, he still could have told his date the situation and told her to come there regardless

By BlinkOnceForYes | 0

#743768 - Tuesday 29 December 2010 23:22

That would be one horrible mother.

But if you have no life, no friends, and no dates.. what is there really to ground you from?

dukain94 | 0

#744380 - Wednesday 30 December 2010 4:31

World of Warcraft of course.

PikaKitty | 0

#2039252 - Thursday 3 February 2011 1:28

xD!!

By QWERTYCommander | 5

#743816 - Tuesday 29 December 2010 23:38

Wow. I hope your mom apologizes. But like #4 said, you didn't need to cancel the date.

By HBubble | 2

#743870 - Wednesday 30 December 2010 0:00

ydi for letting yourself get grounded. Your Mom will never respect you if you won't stand your ground.

shadowkiss13 | 0

#744274 - Wednesday 30 December 2010 3:08

um ya if i ever tried to "stand my ground" against my mom i dont know about you but i would never see the light of day

Kgirl2cute | 6

#995304 - Sunday 16 May 2010 8:41

Same. I'd be absolutely screwed if I tried to "stand up" to my mum.

By YeahFMLxX | 0

#743873 - Wednesday 30 December 2010 0:00

[email protected] for laying it all clear for us, if your young enough to get grounded by your mom for stupid shit, the FYL for having no social life :D

By thinmint | 0

#743904 - Wednesday 30 December 2010 0:20

By sparkIy | 0

#743927 - Wednesday 30 December 2010 0:27

go anyway. sneak out of your window or whatever. it'll prove to your mom that you can get a date anyway & you won't lose the girl.
anyway, your mom is a bitch. i'll happily go on a date with you, OP

polico_wolf | 0

#743975 - Wednesday 30 December 2010 0:47

so would the girl who did agree to go an a date with him...

By suckit133 | 0

#743942 - Wednesday 30 December 2010 0:33

sparkly, your hot

myfriend_youfail | 3

#744266 - Wednesday 30 December 2010 3:01

Her hot what?
You're illiterate.

johnnyboy1928 | 0

#2084617 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 5:58

perv