Health: Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment...

By Anonymous - 26/04/2015 10:05 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment I'm trying to plug my headphones in, in the dark, and the next my dad's beating the shit out of me with a baseball bat. Turns out he snuck down after me for a midnight snack and thought I was a burglar disconnecting the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 189

You deserved it 5 304

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Same thing different taste

Spooky

By Lopez85 - 22/05/2024 22:00 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I got up at 2 AM to grab a snack. I quietly crept down the stairs, only to find my dad, mom, and a couple of their friends having a secret poker game. Now they think I have a sleepwalking problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 117

Kill it with fire

By Anonymous - 31/05/2022 06:00 - Germany - Moormerland

Today, my dad reactivated a digital clock we had lying around, and accidentally set an alarm on it. For 1 a.m.. So guess who went hunting for that noise in the middle of night. And guess who banished the thing to the living room, then forgot about it, and slept on the sofa in said living room. Or tried to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 223

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 818

You deserved it 4 718

By gengiskarn69 - 12/03/2012 14:55 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 975

You deserved it 38 681

By Zack - 01/04/2012 21:36 - United States - Duncannon

Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 749

You deserved it 26 523

What ARE you doing?

By mountains - 19/11/2012 00:47 - United States - Pembroke

Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 036

You deserved it 1 825

By Ohfman117 - 11/08/2009 20:30 - United States

Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 956

You deserved it 71 792

Movie night

By insomniac x2 - 15/08/2013 19:56 - Mexico - Garza Garc

Today, I was watching The Ring on TV in the early morning. When the scene where the girl is crawling out of the TV came on, my dad grabbed my shoulders from behind me out of nowhere, causing me to shriek like a little bitch. I don't know how long he waited to do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 737

You deserved it 8 479

Sneaky

By TasedAndDazed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 619

You deserved it 43 665

By Anonymous - 26/06/2015 18:08 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 348

You deserved it 41 596

MrsHaxxo 22

Monday 27 April 2015 0:25

At least he is trying to protect his family.

Hoopachi 19

Monday 27 April 2015 0:25

Holy crap? What happened afterwards?? Hope you're okay OP!

Comments

feven 32

Monday 27 April 2015 0:24

Oh god. I hope you're okay

friedpwnadge 25

Monday 27 April 2015 0:44

He really knows how to lay down a beat. Maybe he should become a DJ.

derpina72 23

Monday 27 April 2015 19:45

Sorry OP...On the bright side...if it really had been a burglar, you know your dad can defend you!

MrsHaxxo 22

Monday 27 April 2015 0:25

At least he is trying to protect his family.

TheBelt 19

Monday 27 April 2015 0:33

He was having a snack attack.

feven 32

Monday 27 April 2015 0:48

His family or the T.V.? Lol.

MrsHaxxo 22

Monday 27 April 2015 2:19

maybe both :p

SystemofaBlink41 27

Monday 27 April 2015 2:25

Maybe he considers his TV family.

gerrags 16

Monday 27 April 2015 4:22

Be glad it wasn't me, I have a machete next to my bed.

theTravinator 21

Monday 27 April 2015 5:02

#29 Maybe he really likes the abc family channel?

MrConcise 34

Monday 27 April 2015 6:28

#29 - I think a lot of people do. TV isn't the best parent, friend, and babysitter, but it's by far the best mix of the three.

ThatHorse 15

Monday 27 April 2015 9:05

There's a reason the police are required by law to announce their presence before opening fire on anyone, even if they *know* beyond any doubt the person they're aiming at is the guy they want. Shit like this is the reason.

Hoopachi 19

Monday 27 April 2015 0:25

Holy crap? What happened afterwards?? Hope you're okay OP!

PenguinBitch 43

Monday 27 April 2015 0:39

The mom tasered then both, not because she thought it was a burglar, but for the snacks.

Emzinatorbot 26

Monday 27 April 2015 19:37

#18 I am disappointed that you did not say "for ***** and giggles"

uglyheadedbitch 20

Monday 27 April 2015 0:25

Shit ******

chefnoel22 11

Monday 27 April 2015 0:26

Hahaha well maybe next time have a light on?

ItsDutch 16

Monday 27 April 2015 2:34

Doesn't that defeat the purpose of sneaking?

BoxFullOfLazy 25

Monday 27 April 2015 9:39

Well he obviously was trying not to disturb anyone, hence the headphones, so why would he turn on a light?

shinxanta 21

Saturday 11 July 2015 0:13

You're not a bright one, are you?

fantasyworld 37

Monday 27 April 2015 0:26

Hope you're ok.

CARCA55 12

Monday 27 April 2015 0:26

Or at least that's what he claims to have thought

meggieeeee92 27

Monday 27 April 2015 0:27

By you having to sneak downstairs, does this mean you were going to watch something naughty? Anyway, I hope everything is okay.

Hoopachi 19

Monday 27 April 2015 0:29

Or it could mean she was just being consderate and not trying to wake up the entire house…

VeganDarkLight 31

Monday 27 April 2015 1:32

Or he isn't allowed to watch TV at night.

lyricalservant 21

Monday 27 April 2015 6:15

#8 strange question. You must have done that before, huh?

laden_swallow09 34

Monday 27 April 2015 13:19

What, you haven't, 46?

Codezlol 21

Monday 27 April 2015 0:27

Now that's what I call a snack-attack!!

IAmzephyr 22

Monday 27 April 2015 0:27

why would you have to be so sneaky to watch a movie?

Merylwen 24

Monday 27 April 2015 0:30

Because teenagers are not usually allowed to watch a movie in the middle of the night before a school day. AKA parenting. Or OP was just trying to be quiet to avoid waking up anyone.

LordMuffin11 15

Monday 27 April 2015 5:55

I've had insomnia most of my life and my mom has always been a really light sleeper. When I had a bad night of sleep, I would have to sneak downstairs just to be nice to my mom. Maybe it's the same sort of situation for the op.