Intimacy: Today, I started a new job, it was going well until I was asked...

By Bacular - 06/02/2010 09:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I started a new job, it was going well until I was asked to stand up and be introduced to a company director. I had a hard on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 138

You deserved it 5 949

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Username - 19/05/2011 15:13

Today, I finally started my dream job. I turned up for work with a huge smile on my face. Imagine how much my face dropped when I saw that I had to share an office with the girl I stood up last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 980

You deserved it 80 615

By oooops - 24/01/2011 19:18 - United States

Today, was my first day at a new job. I was really pleased with how much positive attention I was getting in a mainly male office. Guess whose shirt was see-through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 743

You deserved it 36 282

Suck up

By Anonymous - 22/08/2015 06:58 - United States - Cadillac

Today, I showed up to my new job early, hoping to impress my new boss. When he arrived, he walked by me and muttered, "Fucking tryhard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 790

You deserved it 3 416

By eaglesmile - 03/04/2015 04:37 - India - Mumbai

Today, during work hours, I took time off and discreetly went for an interview for a prospective job at our rival company. As soon as I reached the place, I bumped into my current boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 345

You deserved it 8 640

By Anonymous - 17/11/2016 01:29

Today, I'm starting a new job. Only problem is, I haven't been told what my duties are, who my line manager is, or who to ask if I need help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 740

You deserved it 922

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 10:17 - United States

Today, I started my new job at a small business. I was pretty excited to finally be working, until I found out the big boss is a creeper and sees no problem making comments such as "You're way more interesting than the rest of these slope-eyed fucks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 855

You deserved it 1 670

By hipthrustdude - 18/05/2009 12:04 - Malaysia

Today, I got really excited at work over a deal I was about to close. I got up and started performing a rather obscene hip thrust only to notice a client sitting in the glass meeting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 419

You deserved it 54 428

By SenorPoopypants - 08/01/2017 19:23

Today, I shat myself during a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 655

You deserved it 983

By DefinitelyNotDogshit - 28/08/2013 04:06 - United States - Levittown

Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 708

You deserved it 3 673

Great first impression

By FirstImpressionist - 11/05/2022 14:00

Today, at work, where I am the boss’s son, I introduced myself to the new guy and starting working on a project. Not five minutes into it, I apparently had a seizure, passed out, smashed my face on the work table, and regained consciousness in a state of confusion with EMTs surrounding me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 118

revcanon 0

Saturday 6 February 2010 16:05

eh...you are probably the only person in the world that knew

babybubz 0

Saturday 6 February 2010 16:16

*boing* 

Comments

FernandoTorres_fml 0

Saturday 6 February 2010 16:33

Are you the guy who was caught looking at naked pics live on tv? If so, it all makes sense now :P

sks4613 1

Saturday 6 February 2010 16:35

can't think of anything witty to say Damn u man.

zuuzuu_fml 0

Saturday 6 February 2010 16:47

men get random erections?

Freeze_fml 16

Saturday 6 February 2010 18:03

HURRR DEEEEERRRPP DUUUURRR Duh.

Lozza 0

Sunday 7 February 2010 2:49

nice, polite response there Freeze. Anyway, yes, we do.

spag007 1

Monday 8 February 2010 6:41

All the freakin time, especially young guys like me. Getting a boner right before an oral presentation is very uncomfortable and humiliating.

Bl00dyMurd3r 0

Saturday 6 February 2010 16:53

omgzors 18th

sterl13 0

Saturday 6 February 2010 17:01

I get ransoms erections sometimes

JustStopSucking 0

Saturday 6 February 2010 17:34

they hold your spellchecker hostage

ZleveL 0

Saturday 6 February 2010 18:19

lol

irsmeagol 0

Saturday 6 February 2010 19:38

hehe

seabrook 7

Saturday 6 February 2010 17:02

what were u look at? lol

WreckerGirl 4

Saturday 6 February 2010 17:02

How embarrasing :-/ I'm so glad I'm not male.

WreckerGirl 4

Saturday 6 February 2010 17:04

I meant embarrassing* - typo sorry.

maskedman 9

Saturday 6 February 2010 17:55

now that's embarrassing. jk

WreckerGirl 4

Saturday 6 February 2010 18:19

Haha! So funny maskedman. Good one!

bluecardisaster 0

Saturday 6 February 2010 17:11

yes it happens randomly sometimes we just cant help it and yea the whole world will notice unless you're not packin.

jmaldona 0

Saturday 6 February 2010 17:27

Wow man, you must have REALLY liked your new job!

Keywords

Relatable Work Awkward Parents Job interview Love Facebook Jealousy Social Media Friends Relationship advice Kids AITA Roommate Shoes Annoying Names Music Customers Money Education Capitalism Gamers Weird Bodyshaming Coworkers Landlords Dogs Allergies Embarrassing

The Top

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 246

You deserved it 589

Today, according to my husband of many years, he was actually planning to ghost me after our boring first date. It was only the fact that I shagged him senseless that night that kept him around long enough for us to actually get to know each other. Hooray for me being a "loose slut" back in 1998. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 560

The Top

Today, I realized my boyfriend's right hand gets more action in a week than I do in a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 265

You deserved it 2 862

Today, I had to explain very slowly to my mum why she cannot put metal cutlery in the microwave. She did it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 265

You deserved it 2 984

Today, my nineteen year-old boyfriend dumped me and kicked me out of his place where I was staying. All because my two year-old peed on his couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 896

Today, while waiting in the queue at a supermarket checkout, my three-year-old daughter yells out, "Mom! Mom! Is that a man or a lady in front?" Embarrassed, I reply, "Honey, can't you see that it's a... it's a... a..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 72

Today, my Dad gave me my birthday card. The envelope was blank, as was the card, and the £0.25 price tag was still on. He was fully aware of all these things, but handed it to me and said, "By the way, I didn't write anything." Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 575

You deserved it 246

Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 858

You deserved it 53 371

Same thing different taste

Suck up

Great first impression

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